Every other couple I pass in SoHo is a White male and Asian female combination. According to a not so recent but relevant Census Bureau statistic, Asian females are twice as likely to marry a White male than Asian males are to marry a White female. Every other couple I pass in SoHo is a White male and Asian female combination. According to a not so recent but relevant Census Bureau statistic, Asian females are twice as likely to marry a White male than Asian males are to marry a White female. They are the “it” couple that receives more rants on Craigslists than any other interracially dating couple. And while I have nothing personally against it, there is something about this particular phenomenon that has driven me nuts.
Everything would be fine and dandy for a few weeks, and then he’ll whisper in my ear, “I’ve always wondered how’d it be to f*** an Asian girl.”
I call it the “Asian Female Fetish Syndrome”. It is the desire for me or any other Asian woman simply because we are Asian. It is more commonly found in White men than other races.
- The man who proudly gloats, “I’ve dated Asian women before.” (Now if only this were a job interview instead of a date–I’d be impressed.)
- The man who professes his love for Chinese food when I mention I’m Chinese.
- The man who attempts to speak Asian (That is–Chinese, Japanese, Korean, or a jumble of the three) to me.
- The man who refers to me as Oriental – ”period. I pickup the word “oriental” like a radar detects missiles, especially when it is not used in reference to rugs and chinaware. It conjures an image of the china doll and me no love you long time (tee-hee).
I have no doubt that there are many happy white male and Asian female couples out there, including my sister and her boyfriend, who are very much in love. But for the majority of what I have experienced, it is quite a different story.
“Do you girls really have the tightest pussy?”
My jaw dropped to the floor when a man seriously asked me that question. It’s as if all engagements of proper behavior are thrown out the window. The form of this question varies, but it will always allude to the hypersexual and erotic imagery of me.
Sometimes, it’s a statement.
“You oriental girls are kinky.”
I grind my teeth underneath a fake smile as I walk away.
Unfortunately, these are the lines that are often used to hit on me. Sad to say, but these are also the lines that have made the walls slightly higher for guys to date me who are not of Asian decent.
Weeding out the men who have A.F.F.S. can be a tricky thing. Everything would be fine and dandy for a few weeks, and then he’ll whisper in my ear, “I’ve always wondered how’d it be to f*** an Asian girl.”
I need a stronger weed killer.
I never thought of myself as one who actually had racial preferences as I have dated outside the boundaries many times over but looking back at my dating history, I realize that all my serious relationships have been with Asian men. Coincidence? I think not.
A.F.F.S is non-existent when I’m dating them. I’m not saying an Asian guy will not have fetishes, but I would be rest assured he would not proclaim his love for Chinese food in the middle of dinner.
Frankly, it makes it that much easier not to deal with it. I don’t believe in making things more complicated then it has to be. This also goes for long distance relationships and smokers. It’s not that I would not deal with it – ”I’m just saying I wouldn’t go out of my way to do so. There’s a difference.
However, if I do marry the meatloaf-loving-former-boy-scout-who-can’t-jump, then so be it. Let me reiterate, stereotypes are not cool.
Sandra Fay is twenty something living and dating in New York City. To learn more about her visit her MyAsiance page at my.asiancemagazine.com/sandrafay