I wouldn’t say we actually met though I’ve known him for years. It’s just better this way. I am a commitment phobe. He lives thousands of miles away. I don’t trust men. But I can tell a stranger my life story. It was the perfect situation for a person like myself, and yes, I met him on Myspace.
There’s a limit to my internet flirting. I can fill out profiles, send instant messages, and poke old friends on Facebook. I’ve never quite been able to swallow my pride enough to actually date on the Internet despite how curious I’ve always been. Call me old fashioned but I can’t imagine telling my future grandchildren one day that I met their father on match.com. That I typed in the keyword “hates pineapples on pizza,” and their father was a perfect match as identified by a Google powered search. On the other hand, I am aware that we live in an age where I can get my groceries shipped to my apartment with a click of a mouse, so why not my men? Why not let my Mac do its magic and compute a man of my dreams. Between work and more work, I find it harder to squeeze in time to meet a decent man. And when I say decent, I mean a man that looks decent enough before two vodka tonics.
“I’m coming to New York.” Those five words are all he had written in the email and it was enough to overwhelm me with a feeling of nausea. We have been e-pals for the last three years and now he was leaving Australia to come to New York. From relationship to flings to relations yet again, Aussie man and I managed to stay in contact for all these years. I’ve told him about my life-capades (the daily dramas of life and men) with the confidence that I could tell him secrets that were locked a world away. I could tell him things that I normally kept secret. It was safe. Despite pictures we exchanged every once in a while and the few phone conversation we made to wish the occasional birthday or new year, a part of me was in disbelief that he was in fact real or human for that matter. He was an outlet that I could share my innermost thoughts. Oh, and his Aussie accent didn’t hurt. Did I mention he’s a physical trainer?
It all started with Myspace. I thought he was cute and wrote him a witty message. He replied. He wrote every other day, even if it was just a one word message to show me that I was in his thoughts. I loved it. The fact that I could feel intimacy without having to invest any real heartache excited me. I was free to do what I please and I “met” a man I could trust. On my birthday, he sent me a care package of goodies that included a box of chocolates, three construction paper made flowers with poems written in each, funny pictures, all of our conversations he saved, copied, and printed, a card, and three customized cds. Is this what our relationship culminated to? My three-month love life sat in a box. He then asked me to be his girlfriend and he’d fly to New York every other week. I wasn’t ready for it to be real. I said it wouldn’t work quickly told him I wanted to stay friends. That was three years ago.
Now, with him coming to New York, it’s going to be a completely different ball field. We’d finally be in the same country, but now I’m dating Mike.
I thought somehow I could tell Mike in an oh-so nonchalant way.
“How was your day?” he asked.
“HE’S COMING!” I blurted. My cheeks felt warm, but I felt relieved. It felt so good to get it off my chest.
“Who’s coming?” He questioned.
“THE AUSSIE. THE AUSSIE IS COMING!” I couldn’t control the volume of my voice. For a second, I thought I was narcoleptic.
“You don’t really plan to see him, do you?” he questioned. Mike knows all about him.
“I want to,” I admitted. After all, how could I not? It”s like opening Pandora’s box and who could resist that? Of course, we all know how well that ended.
I’m not exactly sure what will happen or what I’ll say when he gets here. One thing I do know is that we will be meeting soon enough.