Being in a long term relationship can eventually make your sex life go stale, especially when you’re used to doing the same routine. Sometimes it just can’t be helped. You’re both busy from work, sometimes you’re not in the mood, or the timing is just not right. In either case, you know that something has to be done. Because what’s a successful relationship without passionate sex? How do you know when it’s time to spice things up in the bedroom?
I’ve been dating my boyfriend Eric for a year and half. And like the beginning of all relationships, we were in our honeymoon stage. The honeymoon stage is always the best part. The relationship is still brand new. Everyday is a new day for potential and excitement. Everything seems to taste better, smell better, and feel better. You find yourself smiling and you don’t know why. You’re looking forward to the next time you’ll be seeing them again and you just can’t wait. Most importantly, the sex is brilliant! Then a few months down the road you notice a change. You don’t know when it happened but it did. The sex just began to wane to almost hardly ever. When you’re both busy with work, keeping up with your social life, and making time for yourself, it’s almost impossible to find time for sex.
He came back from vacation and we hadn’t seen each other in almost a week and a half. I was stuck with my true blue vibrator but it could only do so much and I was itching for some hardcore action.
After a long day at work, Eric and I went back to his apartment, watched some bad reality TV, then went to bed. It was the only part I was looking forward to, not because I was tired though. I was stressed at work and all I wanted to do was release some sexual frustration. I’d even settle for a quickie. Sometimes a quickie is all a girl needs to get her night started. Plus, it helps me sleep easier. Once we got into bed I started to fool around with him, I noticed he wasn’t very responsive. I tried to be more aggressive so I grabbed his dick to show that I meant business. I elicited no response. All I wanted was my sex and I couldn’t even have that for the night. Before I knew it he was fast asleep and I was left with my vibrator for the night. I knew his sex drive was plummeting when he would rather go to sleep than have sex.
Week after week the same problem would occur. Don’t get me wrong. We would have sex but it wasn’t as often as I wanted. He would just be too tired to have it. I would swing by his place in the hopes of having sex that night but as usual we’d go about our same routine- TV, food, then off to bed. No sex, not even foreplay, maybe a copped feel here and there but that didn’t even do me any good. At first I tried not to let it bother me and I’d let it slide. I thought to myself, “maybe he really was tired,” or “he just didn’t feel like it,” or “maybe he was just not in the mood.” The guy can’t always be in the mood. He’s entitled to a free Get-Out-of-Jail card but I’ve been letting him pass Go with no penalization. It would be the same excuse after the other. Then one night I got fed up.
He came back from vacation and we hadn’t seen each other in almost a week and a half. I was stuck with my true blue vibrator but it could only do so much and I was itching for some hardcore action. I thought, “Yes! We are going to have great sex tonight!” By the time I got to his place we instantly ravaged each other just as I suspected. But by the time we finished, he came I didn’t, and an episode of Family Guy was still on (it started just about the same time we did). You get the idea. That was the last straw. I was tired of having lousy sex or no sex at all. I knew something had to be done. I couldn’t help but wonder, how important is sex in a relationship? If the sex isn’t all what you hoped for, is it worth sticking around for? Can you still have a successful relationship when the sex is lacking?
Every relationship is different. Mine is a special case. You can say he’s just a lazy lover. I felt like it was time for some damage control and I was determined to get things back to the way they were. The next day I went to Ricky’s on Broadway and decided to pick up a few things. I wasn’t looking for anything too out of the ordinary but kinky enough to get things rompin’ around the bedroom again. I left the store feeling satisfied with my purchase, hoping to feel the same way after Eric and I give these bad boys a shot.
That same night I whipped them out for us to play with. I started out with something harmless such as the Dirty Coupons where we exchanged acts of “sentiment.” We both had fun with that so I thought it was safe enough to take out the handcuffs. At the time, I thought it was a great idea but things didn’t go as well as I hoped. Let’s just say at least we didn’t have to call the locksmith to unlock the cuffs. Those things could be tricky but we both had a good laugh about it. Even though our night didn’t go exactly the way I planned, we still had fun test driving those goodies out. I can say with all confidence that this is a re-start to a beautiful, yet kinky, relationship.
Jericah Valencia is a 24-year old Asian American native New Yorker who resides in the Financial District. She’s a strong believer in her sign (Taurus), free speech, and dessert for breakfast. When it comes to sex and relationships she has a no holds barred attitude. She’ll tell it like it is in and out of the sheets but in her own twisted, crazed version.