“How career?” “You have boyfriend?” “How much money you make?”
That’s my mom for you. Two hours into the front door of the home I grew up in after a 4 hour travel schedule just to come home sweet home.
“Dr. Chin still looking for wife. I set you up?” she continues. “Oh you mean the one who was arrested for beating his wife?” I ask. “She provoke, she hit first”, my mom says. “Oh so I guess you would want me with a wife batterer, instead of being single?” Unbelievable. Really.
Mom then continues ” I got pictures back from family vacation. Don’t like how you look. You look heavy in sweatshirt. Why you try dressing yourself when you are with us?” I respond “Thanks Mom..Well I was on VACATION. Maybe I Didn’t FEEL like dressing up?” What is the point of being on vacation if I have to dress up like I do EVERYDAY for work. Perhaps I’d like to roll out of bed, not do my hair and watch The View while throwing my breakfast at ignorant Elisabeth Hasselcrack. I fault Baba Wawa.
Anyway, back to the article.
But what is so much more fun is the fact that I get to see all the non-Asians I went to high school with, find out who is dating who and hear about who just got engaged.
Holidays..Don’t know whether to love “em or hate “em. Sure it’s nice to go back to my hometown of Detroit, enjoy nice home cooking, sleep late, relax and drive a car. But what is so much more fun is the fact that I get to see all the non-Asians I went to high school with, find out who is dating who and hear about who just got engaged. Like being a single Asian female in NYC isn’t hard enough, I need to go home for the holidays and get persecuted on the last few things I seem to be able to hide about myself in the Big City.
“Daddy and I are going to die. Your brother, he is with wife. You be alone. You need to find man. When I was your age, I have 2 babies. You turn around. You be old.” “Oh my gawd Mom! Sometimes I feel you are trying to scare me into settling for someone just to have a man?” “Oh you too sensitive”, she states.
Don’t get me wrong, I know there is a huge cultural generation gap between my parents’ and mine but does it really consume my mom’s non-stop thinking? Doesn’t she realize living with it is hard enough? To be honest, I would not even think about it, but with it constantly being brought up, I don’t really have a choice. It’s like I’m dealing with it two fold; one in my actual life and one in my family life.
I’m 26, soon to be 27; maybe I’m not destined to get married? What would she think of THAT! Not like the men I’m meeting in New York City are great catches but perhaps I should let her fix me up. We’ve come a long way from the era depicted in the classic musical Fiddler on the Roof, when parents routinely hired someone to find their adult children a “perfect match.” After hearing what my mom was saying on Christmas vacation, I’m not so sure I would mind the old fashion route. I could have my parents set me up and it would still be better than listening to this jib jab each time I’d come home. Actually thinking about it, a bop in the head from Dr. Chin would do just fine.
See I believe there are things you can control in life and things you can’t. Love is not one of them. Love is destiny. A love connection comprises too many variables for it to be controllable.
But seriously, I’m not the only one in this predicament. All of my single Asian girlfriends and I constantly commiserate about the huge generation gap between us and our parents. The problem is there really is nothing you can do but accept your life for what it is, badgering parents or not. We’re all educated, smart, supporting ourselves, getting laid when we feel like it and volunteering off and on. See I believe there are things you can control in life and things you can’t. Love is not one of them. Love is destiny. A love connection comprises too many variables for it to be controllable. I wish my parents would understand that. We are living in a different world. Women today don’t need to settle for the first or second man who comes around just so they can be swept off their feet into domestic life.
I love my parents, I know they want the best for me, but I really think I’m going to hear this until I do get married. Once I get married, I can look forward to being asked when I’m planning on having children, so does it really ever stop? The sooner I accept the behavior, the happier I will be. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, why make yourself miserable trying.
So my advice to girls in my similar situation: Enjoy life, have fun, work hard, don’t take life too seriously, enjoy your vacations, give back and love will follow. It’s destiny!
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Nancy Lee is a dating and relationship, sex columnist. She will be writing on her experiences throughout her dating career. A recent graduate of Boston University, Nancy has seen it all. The purpose of her column is to educate and inform young women, through her own life experiences, on the trials and tribulations of being a young woman in today’s dating world. Nancy hopes to connect with the readers and hopes the women (and men) can identify with her experiences. Hey – “ It’s hard out there for a pimp! She looks forward to your feedback. Name changed for obvious identity purposes. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to leave at the bottom or send her a private email at firstname.lastname@example.org