What He’s Thinking
We like to cuddle. Cuddling is all about mood and ambience. It’s peaceful to lie in someone’s arms in the dark with great music or even the low buzz of the TV (although that tends to distract me) in the background. It’s nice to hear nothing but your lover’s breath against the backdrop of the evening or early morning. Holding someone close in bed also makes you feel very secure with one another and the relationship.
We think we are good in bed. Men are taught that confidence solves just about anything. You can be making a total mistake, but as long as you’re confident, it will turn out okay. This may explain why we are so clueless at what we are doing in bed, but we act like we know.
Getting too tipsy on a date is a turnoff. Some people turn into a completely different person when they are drunk. Let the other person learn about you while you’re sober, before you get wasted with them. Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly, but if a drink or two takes the edge off, and wine adds romance it’s fine. Just don’t push it too far.
rong>Heavy makeup is a turnoff. I’ve always been the type of guy who appreciates a natural look as it is, and when a girl does her makeup well, the results can be magical. But the one thing that should never happen is excessive application: too much, too many colors, or if it’s just a botched attempt at a good makeup technique. Seems like as time goes by, makeup makes like the earth and erodes and changes with weathering. There is nothing more ghastly than makeup run amuck in the morning after spending the night together.
We put pressure on ourselves to get married. Women tell me that they feel more pressure to settle down because they can’t have children as easily past a certain age. I don’t feel pressure in that sense, but I do fear that my appearance and my “game” (not that either are working for me presently) will fade as I get older. It’s fun being one of the few guys in my group of friends who hasn’t yet found love, but at the same time I wonder what is wrong with me…and I’m trying to decide if time is running out. I’m so far behind, I can’t imagine being asked to meet on Sunday for brunch by a girl I’ve dated for a month, much less having a child or being married.
Sex in the shower is overrated. I once tried this, but the entire time I was trying to contort my body so that I could get everything inserted correctly. That “up against the wall” variation is tougher than it sounds. The entire shower apparatus is so slippery, and then you have soap all over the place. It’s a danger zone. Plus, I do my best to keep my bathroom clean, but I don’t think I’d ever want to have sex anywhere near something called “mildew.”
We do think you’re crazy sometimes, but only because it makes things easier for us. Once I accepted that women were “crazy” (many older guys had insisted they were for years), it seemed to take a huge load of pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw it all out the window and dismiss it as “crazy,” it makes it easier to deal. We don’t really think women are insane, we just say it so we can be done thinking about their antics and move on.
We’re insecure about dirty talk. Once I’ve made it into bed with a girl, no way I’m going to let my stupid mouth wreck things. In fact, we’ve most likely made it to this point in spite of my mouth. There are so many incorrect things I could say, from weak to gross to just downright bizarre. Last thing I need is to give this girl some material for a girls’ night conversation.
We get jealous because we’re insecure. If a guy feels like he does not deserve a woman or is not good enough for her, he will become jealous easily and worried that he’s going to lose her to another guy. On the other hand, I admit that I have tried to make girls I’m interested in jealous on purpose before.
We hate when you try too hard to be one of the guys. It’s pretty lame that my buddies and I invent words and languages and then giggle over them like schoolchildren. But what’s even lamer: when some outsider tries to use the language, without the ability to contribute. That’s what one of my old girlfriends did. My friends and I would discuss how she was trying to speak like us, and it got to the point where I bristled every time I heard her speak one of our made-up words.
We notice what you’re wearing. Make sure you cater what you wear to what you’re doing. I try not to make a girl walk too much if she’s in heels. Also, I’ve seen girls wear pearls and a nice blouse to trashy outdoor drinking events, or heels to sporting events.
Sex on the beach? We prefer the drink. The sea is very romantic, but I would be too nervous the entire time. There are all sorts of creatures out there. While walking in the ocean I’ve stepped on some unidentified crustaceous creatures and we’ve both scuttled along away from one another in fear. Maybe it’s safer on shore? No way: because sand gets into everything. It has a mind of its own. Sand makes sex uncomfortable and even painful. My solution is to try to get a place by the beach and do it out on the porch where you can see and hear the waves: Sex at the beach, but not on the beach.
We play hard to get — and we know it. Sometimes, I just act like they have no chance, even though I might like them. I openly flirt with other girls in front of them, and talk about how hot other girls are in front of them. I make myself look really picky and difficult to get to. Then, I get really tender and give all of my attention to this girl who thought she had no chance.