Chances are the reason he hasn’t called you back is because he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe he can’t talk to you. Maybe he’s fighting pirates, composing an opera, shampooing orphaned kittens.
If he hasn’t called you back, don’t hemorrhage. Don’t instant message your bestie to bitch and moan. I’ve observed many of you in the wild; bitching and moaning begats more bitching and moaning. A dude not calling you back will snowball into ridiculousness. The simplest, most reasonable answer is the right one. His phone could have been turned off, his grandmother could have died, he could have been hit by a truck and has amnesia. Simple, right?
Women are so fatalistic when it comes to interpreting male actions or inactions. We’re not tea leaves, financial data, or post-modern fiction. Odds are if we haven’t called you back, it’s not because we think you’re a loony bird fatty who smells like olives and is crazy. It’s probs because we’re flakes, our dude brains crammed with video game scores, baseball statistics, and pure white noise. If he says he’s “busy,” it’s because he’s “busy.” In manese, “busy” does not translate to “I hate you.”
Of course, there is the other hand. I’ll speak from my experience, but the reasons I’ve “not called her back” range from the flighty to the downright selfish and douchey. I’ve not called her back because I was thoughtless or because I was spineless. A couple of times, it was because of her expectations of what our relationship would be versus what was real, and I didn’t have the energy or the heart to painfully explain the truth of the situation, and I hoped that she’d just … disappear. Which is also spineless. I’ll confess to having been through a post-breakup, slightly sadistic, deeply angry phase where I didn’t call or text back because I could. It’s remarkable how love can sometimes rot and decompose into cruelty.
In dating, you’re either playing a mind game or taking brave, slightly drunk leaps of faith. Personally, if I wanted to date a mind game, I’d curl up nekkid with a Sudoku book. So, me let me reiterate. He’s probably busy, flustered, thinking about you, juggling life. If he’s not that into you, you’ll know it. If he’s not that into you, you probably knew it before he had a chance to not call you back.
There are dozens of reasons why he didn’t call you back, text you back, Facebook, Twitter, or email. But there’s only one reason why he does call you back: because he wants you. And that’s a 110 percent true fact. Now, it could be he just wants to park it inside you. Well, I mean, he definitely does. But that’s not the entire equation. Calling you back is different than desperately sweating you at a bar like a horny swamp donkey. Remember that dudes are not complicated. We’re pretty binary when it comes to this stuff; it’s either game on or game off.
We call you back because we’re crazy about you. That’s what men do. Shut-up beta males. (Don’t take that from me. Stand up for yourselves.) When we meet someone whose smile is a Martian raygun set to “amazing,” it is our manly responsibility to woo. Steal her heart at all costs. Call her back and ask her about her day. Text her witty, casual regards. Email her sweet “whaddups?” Read her blogs, her Twitters, absorb her brain. To be clear, when the game is on, we play to win.
Of course, sometimes guys can come off … a little too eager. We can call and text a little too much. Or say and text the wrong things. For instance, hypothetically speaking, we can get drunk and in a cab home transform into a horrid Lord Byron/Quasimodo mash-up and drop multiple, overly affectionate texts. Not obscene, or inappropriate … emo … and slightly desperate. This can happen. Or so I’ve heard. And then maybe y’all are like, “Whoa, cowboy. We’ve been on two dates.” This is when you should remember all those times we didn’t call you back.
A very funny read is “Kiss My Tiara” by Susan Jane Gilman. I give that book to dear friends to get them to start laughing if this ever happens. 🙂