After reading, I had to pause and think about how I perceive mentoring. I had to think back to all the people I’ve known in the lifestyle over the years. I’ve known a few that have mentored and/or been mentored. But I’ve often wondered something.
Frequently, when you hear people talk about “Mentoring”, what they are describing is more a way to lure someone into a state of co-dependence; A Dom taking advantage of a submissive seeking exposure to the lifestyle. Stylistically, it’s more akin to isolating a person away from other opinions or experiences. It’s more like a means to make a move on an unsuspecting and/or vulnerable person in their care. This type of “Mentoring” has no similarities to what sincere Mentoring is. It uses the emotional attachment as a manipulating force. It’s less about education and exposure, more about brainwashing.
Ironically, a Dominant working with a submissive is the most common pairing of mentoring I’ve heard. Mind you, I can only count on two hands how many people I personally know that have been involved in some form of mentorship, but all the ones that have had good things said about them have followed the same general principles.
1. A good Mentor works with others having no ulterior motives beyond offering their experience to another. Their primary goal is to work with the mentee and navigate their path for full possibilities. There is not an expectation of gaining some advantage or anything outside of the exchange of knowledge.
2. As a Mentor, it’s not about the sex. While serving as a Mentor, they never engaged in physical sex with their mentee. Their focus was on the education and exposure. Guiding and leading.
3. They had defined goals with each other. If something arose that was ambiguous, it was evaluated and discussed. ‘Why something might have caused an adverse reaction’ that kind of thing.
4. There was a specific duration of time to the mentorship agreement. It wasn’t an endless uncharted amble. It had a start point and an end point, clearly defined.
Now, the few alpha sub/switch mentorings of a submissive I’ve heard discussed have been somewhere along the same lines as above. The only thing substantially different that I can think of would be that these tended to be relationships where someone with previous exposure, but newer to the specific community, was being instructed on what to expect. Obviously, since I don’t have a broad sample to rely upon, my full understanding is somewhat limited.