Writing is a Lonely Way of Life
April 07, 2006 0 Asiance Staff

Writing is a Lonely Way of Life

Writing is a lonely way of life. So when I get an email from a fan - ”especially a male fan - ”it makes an otherwise dull day that much more exciting. And for every admirer who sends me a thoughtful and charming note about how he enjoyed reading my book, I get at least three emails like this one:

What scares me more is the fear of disappointing someone who has me built up in his head. When I hear the words, "You're so normal in person," I know that it's time to go home.

Jessica Cutler

Hello Jessica... I have the Flour for ur cake sale at no charge for u. Just a little loving will bring the snow in. Im about 15 minutes from u im from the Bronx. E mail me back if ur interested Mami.. U might not want to pass this offer cause i always have it

Intriguing, but I don't do the Bronx. And how do I know this person isn't a cop, or some goofy blogger playing a practical joke on me? Even if this person seriously wanted a "blow-for-blow" encounter, it wouldn't do for a published author to respond in kind. I mean, contrary to popular belief, I'm really not a coke whore. Really.

Okay, maybe sometimes. But meeting a stranger in the outer boroughs probably isn't worth the risk. Even when I get a polite email from a seemingly nice guy asking me out on a proper date, I'm just as hesitant to accept. What's the worst that can happen? Have you ever seen Misery? Not a likely scenario, but not entirely impossible, either.

What scares me more is the fear of disappointing someone who has me built up in his head. When I hear the words, "You're so normal in person," I know that it's time to go home. Yes, I have dated a few fans. I decided to stop living scared and take a chance on this new source of available men, and the results have been predictably mixed.

The first time I took a fan home, he smiled at me the morning after and said, "I just fucked Jessica Cutler," as if he had just sank my battleship. Exactly the type of guy I'm trying to avoid. So I played it demure the second time, which only confused the poor guy. He later admitted that he expected me to be more aggressive. A date with Jessica Cutler is supposed to be an easy lay, and I don't want to disappoint anyone, or hurt their feelings. So should I jump on these guys at the end of the night or what?

It's like I'm learning to date all over again.


Join Jessica Cutler every month here at www.asiancemagazine.com and www.jessicacutleronline.com where she writes about dating, sex and relationships.

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