\u201cForget about monogamy \u2013 shag as much as you can!\u201d
\nSo bellowed the heading from a story in TNT Magazine the other day, advising us to ditch monogamy and embrace free love instead.
\nThe article cites the latest work of Eric Anderson, a sociologist at England\u2019s University of Winchester and author of the new book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating.<\/p>\n
According to Anderson, who interviewed a bunch of blokes on the topic and reported his findings, monogamy is pointless. It ruins relationships. It gives women false hopes. It prevents men from having casual sex with other women. Oh, and by his reckoning, there are perfectly plausible reasons for men to not only cheat, but to lie about their sordid extra-curricular sexual activities too.
\n\u201cMen cheat for recreational sex,\u201d he writes. \u201cThey DO love their partners.\u201d
\nSomehow I\u2019m not so sure the two can co-exist. Nevertheless, Anderson is convinced he\u2019s got his theory nailed, so to speak.
\nAccording to him, men can\u2019t be fully emotionally engaged with a woman for all eternity, without sowing their wild oats elsewhere.
\nAs he told the Huffington Post:
\n\u201cRather than marrying 20 times or more in one’s life via serial monogamy, we can keep one emotional lover and just have casual, meaningless – and hot – sex with strangers. This gives us the long-term emotional stability we desire psychologically, alongside the hot, carnal sex we desire somatically.\u201d
\nReally?
\nWhich then raises the real question: how would he feel if his girlfriend or wife did the same?
\nProbably not so good.
\nStill, Anderson isn\u2019t backing down. In his book, he confirms a man\u2019s worst fears: that those ensconced in a romantic relationship have a maximum of two years of good sex before things begin to wane.
\nHe also reckons that while sex becomes less frequent, it becomes more intimate. And therefore when a man wants to have sex with another woman, it\u2019s not emotional intimacy he craves, it\u2019s just quite simply that: sex.
\nOf course we all know of the havoc this sort of behaviour would bestow on happy couples and randy men who (despite their urge) keep it in their pants to ensure their relationship doesn\u2019t break down.
\nBecause sure, it\u2019s more fun to shag to your hearts content. And yes, being able to do what you want without fear or consequence might be fun, for a while. And yes, it all sounds hunky dory in theory.
\nBut in reality, when trust is broken and infidelity takes place, neither partner is exactly thrilled with the notion.
\nThoughts are conjured up of, \u201cwell am I not enough? Do I need to change? Is this all my fault?\u201d
\nAnd then things start to break down.
\nCommunication is littered with accusations.
\nOne tries to escape; the other tries to hold on much too tightly.
\nBoth feel suffocated under the weight that is now a tedious and tiring relationship.
\nLove cannot exist.
\nI was reminded of this as I listened to an interview the other day on ABC radio. The host was chatting to the man who knew he was a sex addict, but married his wife anyway.
\nFour months into the marriage, he was perusing online chat rooms and living an entirely different life on the side. Sleeping with multiple women. His wife knew something was up, but she didn\u2019t suspect it was that.
\nWhen he eventually told her he almost had an affair with his work colleague, she reckoned it was all her fault.
\nHe said she began to dress and act differently. She was out of her comfort zone, but did everything to please him.
\nWhat a horrible way to live one\u2019s life.
\nPlayers vs Cheaters
\nSo it\u2019s suffice to say that perhaps those \u201ccommitment phobic\u201d gents (who many women call “Players”) of the modern era are in fact not all that bad.
\nPerhaps they’re doing the women they flee from a service by being upfront and honest from the start.
\nThey don’t ruin lives or break too many hearts. They merely shag.
\nYes, perhaps we should give these blokes a little more slack. Perhaps we should let them have their fun. Perhaps more women should be more lenient on them.
\nBecause at the end of the day, he\u2019ll do you a favour by letting you go. Yes, you won’t have to be stuck with the two-timing cad for all eternity while he ditches monogamy (behind your back) and shags around to his heart’s content.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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