{"id":17977,"date":"2014-11-10T00:11:54","date_gmt":"2014-11-10T00:11:54","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2025-10-15T01:11:01","modified_gmt":"2025-10-15T01:11:01","slug":"which-personality-type-is-your-ideal-match","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/asiancemagazine.com\/?p=17977","title":{"rendered":"Which personality type is your ideal match?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Your eyes meet across a crowded room. You feel it, the other person feels it. But what is \u201cit\u201d you feel, exactly? In other words, what gets sparks flying between two people but not others? That\u2019s a question that continues to boggle the minds of scientists, poets and real people the world over. But if you want to increase your chances of choosing the right partner, modern studies and scientific research do have some compelling answers. Read on to find out which personality types you\u2019re most likely to click with (and stick with) over the long haul.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Familiarity breeds\u2026a stronger bond?
\nWhile fairy tales are full of twosomes from very different walks of life, Cinderella-style stories rarely exist in real life for good reason. People are generally attracted to those who are similar in terms of education, intelligence, religion and financial status. \u201cOften, \u2018like\u2019 attracts \u2018like\u2019 \u2014 what anthropologists call \u2018positive assortive mating\u2019 and \u2018fitness matching,\u2019\u201d says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., anthropologist and author of Why We Love and Why Him? Why Her?: How to Find and Keep Lasting Love. The reason it\u2019s important is pretty obvious: When people don\u2019t see eye-to-eye on many levels, they just simply don\u2019t \u2018get\u2019 each other, and that can be tough for any couple to overcome. \u201cI think the most important thing you can ask yourself about a prospective mate is: If this person were not a romantic interest, would they be one of your very best friends?\u201d says Sam Hamburg, Ph.D., a marital therapist and author of Will Our Love Last?<\/p>\n

What\u2019s \u2018familiar\u2019 about a mate may not always be immediately evident, however. \u201cPeople may feel chemistry with someone who treats them in a way that\u2019s familiar because it\u2019s a dynamic they know,\u201d says Lisa Firestone, clinical psychologist and coauthor of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice. A woman who grew up with an unstable father, for example, may end up with a wild-man artist who\u2019s similarly unpredictable but (hopefully) in more positive ways. So, don\u2019t be surprised if your relationship echoes some dynamic from your past.<\/p>\n

Why complementary personality types connect romantically
\nShe\u2019s super-organized, while he\u2019s in a constant state of clutter. He\u2019s a quiet homebody, while she\u2019s the life of every party. We\u2019ve all seen couples whose personalities seem light years apart. So, is it true that opposites attract? Not exactly. \u201cThere\u2019s a lot of chemistry between opposites and the relationship has a lot of passion,\u201d says Firestone. \u201cBut eventually they may end up hating each other for the very things that drew them together in the first place.\u201d<\/p>\n

A better match, say experts, are people whose personalities are complementary without being complete contradictions of each other. \u201cSometimes a really high-strung person will calm down around someone who\u2019s laid-back. Or maybe the person with a lot of energy is a motivating influence on the one who\u2019s mellow, and it\u2019s really good for them both,\u201d says Firestone. Likewise, overly similar personalities may miss out on sharing new experiences, which often keeps long-term relationships fresh and invigorating. \u201cIf two people are very risk-averse, they might never pursue opportunities that they really should,\u201d points out Hamburg. \u201cAnd on the flip side, two people who are high risk-takers might get themselves into trouble. But if you have one who\u2019s more risky and one who\u2019s cautious, then through a dialogue, that couple might be able to make better decisions than they would if they were more alike.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Complementary couples do run the risk, though, of falling even deeper into their differences. \u201cWhen a person dates someone who plays a balancing role, he or she tends to polarize: the quiet person gets quieter and the talkative person becomes the spokesperson for the relationship,\u201d points out Firestone. \u201cHe may start to think that he\u2019s a whole person only when he\u2019s with her and vice versa. And when people do that, the quality of relating tends to deteriorate.\u201d So, couples should be careful to treat their partner\u2019s strengths not as a crutch, but as an opportunity to watch and learn new habits and skills to move outside their comfort zones on occasion.<\/p>\n

Understanding the brain science behind romantic chemistry
\nScientific breakthroughs in the areas of genetics, biology, and neurology are also helping experts piece together the mystery of romantic attraction. Dr. Fisher, for example, has used her knowledge of body chemistry to come up with a new theory on who\u2019s likely to click with whom \u2014 and why. \u201cCertain genes, hormones and neurotransmitters have been associated with specific personality traits,\u201d she explains. \u201cFor instance, testosterone is associated with independence. All of us have these chemicals, but some of us have more activity in one of these chemical systems than another.\u201d<\/p>\n

The upshot? After reviewing the data, Dr. Fisher found that based on the activity levels of four key chemicals (serotonin, estrogen, dopamine, and testosterone), people largely fall into one of four specific \u201ctemperaments\u201d known as: Builder, Negotiator, Explorer, and Director. Each type is outlined in detail below, including best and worst matches, defining traits and the brain chemistry that drives them.<\/p>\n

Personality type: Builder<\/strong>
\nChemical in charge: Serotonin (associated with sociability and feelings of calm)
\nPersonality: Calm, managerial, conscientious, home-oriented but social
\nBest match: Explorer
\nWorst match: Director<\/p>\n

Personality type: Negotiator<\/strong>
\nChemical in charge: Estrogen (associated with intuition and creativity)
\nPersonality: Imaginative, sympathetic, socially skilled, idealistic
\nBest match: Good with all types!
\nWorst match: None<\/p>\n

Personality type: Explorer<\/strong>
\nChemical in charge: dopamine (associated with curiosity and spontaneity)
\nPersonality: Risk-taking, spontaneous, curious, adaptable
\nBest match: Builder
\nWorst match: Director<\/p>\n

Personality type: Director<\/strong>
\nChemical in charge: testosterone (associated with independence and rational thinking)
\nPersonality: focused, inventive, daring, logical, direct
\nBest match: Negotiator
\nWorst match: Builder<\/p>\n

While these four temperaments can be used as a category_ideline to find a compatible match, Fisher cautions that the mystery of romance doesn\u2019t boil down entirely to a few neurotransmitters. \u201cThere is magic to love, no question about that,\u201d she says. \u201cBut culture and biology play important roles. In short, when you are ready to fall in love and you meet someone who has a complementary chemical profile, you can feel attraction to him or her \u2014 which instantly or eventually can turn into deep feelings of romantic love.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kimberly Dawn Neumann (www.KDNeumann.com) is a New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Women\u2019s Health, Marie Claire, Maxim and more. A frequent online contributor for Match.com\u2019s Happen magazine, she\u2019s also the author of The Real Reasons Men Commit as well as the founder of www.DatingDivaDaily.com.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Fiddler On The Roof – Matchmaker<\/em><\/strong>
\n