Valentine's day.\u00a0 Everywhere I looked, there were happy couples with the girls nestling a bouquet of colorful beauties on her arm.\u00a0 The atmosphere was warm despite the blowing chilly northern winds, which embodies the past angry winter that we just had.<\/p>\n
“Are you bitter?” he asked.<\/p>\n
“No,” I lied.\u00a0 I kept my gaze forward onto the street that we were walking on.\u00a0 The wind was hurting my face but I wasn't so sure if I were to blame the winds or the resentment inside me.<\/p>\n
“Are you lying?” he looked at me quizzically with those eyes that I fell in love with.<\/p>\n
“No,” I lied again. <\/p>\n
“Okay,” he said with unfulfilled resignation.<\/p>\n
We walked in silence.\u00a0 I stuffed my empty hands into my coat pocket trying desperately to keep them warm.<\/p>\n
“Do you regret being with someone who doesn't believe in giving his girl flowers on Valentine's Day?” he tried again.<\/p>\n
I pursed my lips.\u00a0 “No,” I said, not sure whether or not I was lying.<\/p>\n
“Okay.”<\/p>\n
I turned to him angrily.\u00a0 “Where have you been the past two weeks?” I asked, feeling a strange tightness on my throat. “You barely called me.”<\/p>\n
“I was busy,” was his answer.\u00a0 Plain and simple. \u00a0<\/p>\n
“Doing what?” I pressed on.<\/p>\n
I saw his face harden.\u00a0 “Stuff, okay?” he said without any further elaboration.<\/p>\n
We were silent again for a while.\u00a0 Inside me was a bag of mixed feelings being tossed around like a football.\u00a0 I felt frustrated and angry — but at the same time, I felt extraordinarily safe being in his presence.\u00a0 I missed him, I really did.<\/p>\n
“You missed our one-year anniversary,” I said, barely in a whisper deliberately not meeting his eye.<\/p>\n
“Oh yeah, I got the package you sent me,” he retorted without skipping a beat.\u00a0 His voice was neither cold nor loving, I couldn't tell.\u00a0 “I've been meaning to thank you.\u00a0 So.. thank you.”<\/p>\n
I kept silent.<\/p>\n
He took a deep breath as if taking a deep drag out of a cigarette. \u00a0<\/p>\n
“Listen.\u00a0 I was busy working,” he finally revealed.\u00a0 He almost sounded ashamed.\u00a0 “It was a night shift, right after my last class.\u00a0 It was the only time I had left to work.”<\/p>\n
I was still silent — mostly because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say.<\/p>\n
He fidgeted around in his pockets and produced a small box coated in a glossy turquoise color.\u00a0 It had a plain white ribbon tying the lid down. \u00a0<\/p>\n
“I only had two weeks to scrape up enough money to get you this,” he said handing the box over to me.\u00a0 “I saw you looking at it last month and I know you hate it when I would use the money my parents give me to buy you presents or to take you out.”<\/p>\n
I looked at the box resting on top of his right palm.\u00a0 A million thoughts were racing through my head and I couldn't seem to pick one to dwell on right at that moment.\u00a0 When I still didn't budge, he quietly opened the box and I saw the most beautiful ring sitting inside the deep velvet case.\u00a0 It was gold with the letters X and O comprising the circumference of the prized jewel.\u00a0 I felt warmth on my face… then it dawned on me that a fat tear just rolled down my left cheek.<\/p>\n
He put the promise ring on my left ring finger.\u00a0 “I don't like giving flowers because I don't like giving something that doesn't last forever,” he explained quietly.\u00a0 “Especially if it's the type to die.” \u00a0<\/p>\n
For the first time in my life, I was at a loss for words.\u00a0 All those unsettling thoughts I've had over the past couple of weeks suddenly seemed so silly, so juvenile.\u00a0 I was angry at myself for thinking them and for entertaining them.\u00a0 I gave this relationship a chance because I had faith in him.\u00a0 And because I love him.\u00a0 Despite his history, I knew there was loving heart hiding underneath that tough exterior that I so painfully wanted to crack. \u00a0<\/p>\n
“I don't like celebrating anniversaries either,” he continued on.\u00a0 “I think it's a waste of time.”<\/p>\n
He wiped my tears away with his soft hands.\u00a0 His skin smelled like gingerbread.<\/p>\n
“I wish you'd stop counting the years we've been together too… I don't want you getting tired,” he said, his lips giving the hint of a smile.\u00a0 “Because I will be with you forever.”<\/p>\n
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