Talk about a stigma in the Asian community. I have an STD. I am forever tainted as a dirty whore, a dirty stupid whore, a stupid whore who has sex with a man unprotected. Even though he was tested and swore he was clean – \u201c I decided to have unprotected sex. But wait it gets better. My boyfriend and I were going out for a year and \u00bd. It was 6 months into our sexual relationship when I decided I would have a protection free sexual relationship on one condition, he would get tested. Talk about a stigma in the Asian community. I have an STD. I am forever tainted as a dirty whore, a dirty stupid whore, a stupid whore who has sex with a man unprotected. Even though he was tested and swore he was clean – \u201c I decided to have unprotected sex. But wait it gets better. My boyfriend and I were going out for a year and \u00bd. It was 6 months into our sexual relationship when I decided I would have a protection free sexual relationship on one condition, he would get tested. When his test came back negative, I was prepared for an all out gymnastics, sweat inducing sexual experimentation filled with truth or dares, haves and have nots and perhaps a whip and chain or two. We had amazing sex! Or so I thought. We had amazing sex but I didn’t think my amazing boyfriend would go out and have amazing sex with many others. Lesson 1 – \u201c Get tested regularly. If you are sexually active, every month. Lesson 2 – \u201c Use condoms.<\/b><\/i>
\n
\nIt’s been 5 months since my life changed forever..In more ways than one.<\/p>\nHow did I find out?<\/h2>\n
I started having problems when I urinated, having a burning sensation each time I went to the bathroom. I made an appointment to see my gynecologist. The morning of my appointment, I noticed these blisters that started to develop inside my vagina. I thought it was an irritation from a new soap that I was using. No such luck. After an exam and test from one of the open sores, I was told I had Genital Herpes. At first I cried, then I was enraged. How could he do this to me? And I trusted him. Not only was I lied to, betrayed and left emotionally shattered but I was left permanently scarred. I had to dump him.<\/p>\n
One of my best friends stayed with a guy who had given her herpes. I don’t want to even explain my opinion of her at the time but she was not on my list of the most admirable women in the world. Now I was on her team. Lesson 3 – \u201c Don’t judge.<\/b> Still, staying with my boyfriend was not an option for me. If he could openly and willingly cheat on me and give this to me, what else was he capable of doing down the road? Lesson 4 – \u201c Get rid of him. The sooner the better.<\/b><\/p>\n
We had unprotected sex for about a year, when my intuition told me or so I thought, that I wasn’t the only one. Late nights at the office, weekends away on retreats from work and skipping out on our exercise schedule didn’t add up. I chose to ignore it. I thought it was just me being paranoid or crazy. DUMB idea! Lesson 5 – \u201cTrust your intuition.<\/b><\/p>\n
Now I realize he wasn’t concerned about my health, my feelings or my body. I beat myself up so many times thinking and rethinking the reasons he strayed. I soon realized it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. It wasn’t because I wasn’t the right girl for him. It was because he only cared about himself. Lesson 6 – \u201c Don’t beat yourself up.<\/b> He went on to the next one and passed it along to her, if she didn’t have it already. Statistics for herpes: at least 45 million people ages 12 and older, or one out of five adolescents and adults, have had genital HSV infection.<\/p>\n
Genital HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of four women). I am now a statistic.<\/p>\n
I do not want you to make the same mistakes as I did. Protect yourself, or better yet wait. Always use protection. It’s hard to find a partner you can trust, which subconsciously I think is the biggest trauma out of all this. What’s even more telling is, I could’ve contracted Aids or HIV. Where did the generation of our Asian family values go? What happened to the relationships of my parent’s generation where couples had a mutual respect (okay maybe not all) for one another? I’m not saying we ought to be barefoot and pregnant but can’t we compromise? I still have not told my mother and I don’t plan on it. I can just see it being discussed by my Asian grandparents as a family tragedy.<\/p>\n
As careful as I was, I still contacted an STD. Now, I need to rethink my plan in life. How am I going to date? What are my options now? Do I join a dating service specific to people with Herpes? What if I find a great guy; I would want to tell him..then I risk losing him. Who would want to date someone who had Genital Herpes? What if I get pregnant one day? Can my baby contract it? Lesson 7 – \u201c Learn the facts so you are not misled and waste valuable energy and positive thoughts.<\/b> Click to read some facts on herpes<\/a><\/p>\n Unfortunately I got caught up in one of the more rampant diseases of our generation. Perhaps there is a reason why God (or whatever higher power) invented Monogamy. If we got married or committed to one sexual partner, would an STD be an issue? Probably not. Think about it and make sure nothing throws you off your path to excellence because something like this will be a stumbling block. Lesson 8 – \u201c Take a deep breath. It is not the end of the world. You’re in good company.<\/b><\/p>\n Nancy Lee is a new dating and relationship, sex columnist. She will be writing on her experiences throughout her dating career. A recent graduate of Boston University, Nancy has seen it all. The purpose of her column is to educate and inform young women, through her own life experiences, on the trials and tribulations of being a young woman in today’s dating world. Nancy hopes to connect with the readers and hopes the women (and men) can identify with her experiences. Hey – \u201c It’s hard out there for a pimp! She looks forward to your feedback. Name changed for obvious identity purposes. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to leave at the bottom or send her a private email at nancy@asiancemagazine.com<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Talk about a stigma in the Asian community. I have an STD. 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