An Asian Man responds to Candace Kita’s “Angry Asian Men”
In response to Candace Kita’s article “Angry Asian Men”, published in November 2010, I am annoyed not by the presence of Asian Female-Non Asian Male (i.e. white guy) couples, but more by the quantitative disparity between Asian Females and Asian Males in inter-racial relationships. I’m an Asian American male who sees this huge disparity every day. I rarely see Asian men dating or married to white women, let alone a very attractive non Asian woman, but I do see a whole lot of Asian women (both hot and fugly) with white guys (both good looking and fugly). This is true among my friends, work people, and acquaintances, as well as couples I see on the street, in the media, on TV, in advertisements, in magazines, in Hollywood movies, etc. It is undeniable! This type of inequality is precisely the reason why I, along with other liked-minded Asian men, started www.singleasianmale.com in order to convey the Asian man’s perspective. It’s not a dating site for ‘Single Asian Men’. It’s a place where we try to dissect, analyze, study, and discuss the social and cultural phenomenons that occur related to being Asian . We do this unvarnished, unedited, and in raw form, with brutal honesty.
So why care if there are more Asian females dating ‘out’ than Asian men? There are a number of reasons really. Let’s explore why Candace was wrong in saying this isn’t a problem.
Before someone pins me down as being “one of them”, I’d like to be clear that some of the comments that Ms. Kita listed in her article as reader comments do not make sense and are ignorant and inane. While I don’t share some of their opinions, I do believe some have some degree of merit. Having said that…
“That sounds more like “White Fever” to me. I don’t know if the author is one of these types, but I would HOPE NOT for it would be quite hypocritical if you ask me.” – There are just as many Asian women with “white fever” as there are white men with “yellow fever.” I know many Asian women who have completely shunned out Asian men as possible dating or marriage partners. Why? My belief is that these Asian women hate themselves.
Ever see a decent looking Asian girl (who is slim, has great skin, long black silky hair, dressed nicely, and looks way younger than her actual age) with a fat, greasy, bald, hairy, nerdy, geeky, creepy white guy?
“Yeah, Asian men, as usual, are the LAST RESORT. Guess who is first choice?” – Ever see a decent looking Asian girl (who is slim, has great skin, long black silky hair, dressed nicely, and looks way younger than her actual age) with a fat, greasy, bald, hairy, nerdy, geeky, creepy white guy? That’s when I look at myself and think, “Wow, am I below that fat slob on the carnal totem pole?”
“(Responding to an Asian woman’s defense of a Caucasian man): You know, the guy that LOOKS like you? The one that looks like your DAD? EWWWW…” – You have got to be ‘effin kidding me! The only reason why Asian women would think or feel that way is because…once again, they hate themselves. More specifically, they are ashamed and not proud of their Asian physical features, their heritage, their culture, their roots and their ethnic makeup. Asian men, to them, are direct reflections of themselves and because they hate the “Asian” within themselves, they want nothing to do with anything or anyone that’s Asian.
“I think its really pathetic when Asian girls bask in the white man’s glory. you are a parasite. What’s next,Nnicholas Cage? You will never be white by association. Go get a life. you need white men to make yourself feel like somebody. Ttruly shows your insecurity, lack of maturity and lack of strength. What a turn off.” – – It is true…some Asian women (like Wendi Deng) want to be with a white guy because they view it as a way to move up on the socio-economic ladder and achieve higher status. These Asian women can be highly ambitious, immensely driven, and want to be seen as part of the in-crowd. These women see the direct association with a white man elevating their own social standing in the dominant white society in the good ol’ USA. I call it ambition, determination to move up, to feel accepted, and to be part of the powerful, the rich, and the privileged.
“Tattoos of Chinese characters are more in demand than Asian men themselves.” –Asian tats are more in demand than Asian men? WTF! Somehow, somewhere along the way, us Asian men have been downgraded in such a way that we are being compared to body ink in terms of desirability. Maybe we should try to get white women to get tats of Asian men such as William Hung on their bodies.
Ms. Kita, in her article, talks about preserving racial purity[R1] not being a worthwhile goal and I agree that this isn’t the point. I mean just because I walk around with a white Nike hoodie on does not make me the only Asian-KKK member. It’s just me trying to be like the only Asian in “8 Mile”. I agree that all people should date and marry whoever they want. Anyone. Anyhow. Anywhere. It’s not about us Asian men afraid of losing our Asian race! Please…That’s laughable. There are 1 billion plus Chinese people in freakin China alone! We are not losing the Asian population anytime soon.
Ms. Kita then cites that, supposedly similar to Asian men, black women get equally upset, but I feel this isn’t a justifiable comparison. First, the reasons for black women hating on black men who date “out” of their race are slightly different from those of Asian men hating on Asian women who date “out” (or “up”). Unlike black women, who celebrate their physical attributes, such as their physique, dark skin, and (ugh, double up ugh-ugh) their ass (which gets no complaints from anyone – even Asian boys have to shout). I believe many Asian men don’t feel sexy, desired, attractive, and sought after by members of the opposite sex of any race. Also, while I’ve heard black men complain that black women have attitudes, are too loud or vocal, are full of drama, and too opinionated. Many Asian men feel the opposite – as if they are not taken seriously, largely ignored, bullied, and disrespected.
Some of us tend to be too shy, not confident or aggressive enough, and hang out too much with other single Asian guys. All these things deeply hampers and hurts the SAM in the end.
I think this has a lot to do with Asian women turning their backs on Asian men for, let’s say for the sake of argument, a less attractive and less desirable white guy. For me personally, I feel insulted when I see this. And quite simply, it’s a shot to my already fragile Asian male ego. What’s that guy got that I don’t? Blond hair? Blue eyes? Height? 2 more inches? Girth? NO! That guy is a goober and I’m better than him. It’s a shame when Asian guys feel like they don’t have a chance with that Asian girl purely because of the fact that they’re Asian…just like her! Hence, in some situations, the guy’s racial and ethnic makeup represents a deterrent or even deemed to carry negative traits and qualities – it’s a game killer.
Consequently, some Asian men feel jilted, jaded, and abandoned. Some lash out and adopt unsavory habits like smoking, drinking, and gambling. This is why many Asian men like to take refuge within a group of other like-minded Asian guys (which we refer to as SAMs on www.singleasianmale.com). Others might call it Gaysian. Or a SAMwich. I know so many Asian guys who are chronically single, who never get laid, and never get attention from the ladies unless they are delivering Chinese food. In contrast, I see all these Asian women with completely different experiences – they do get laid, go on dates, have numerous boyfriends, and basically have a healthy active social and love life. At the same time, my humble SAM brothers are at home on Saturday nights playing WOW, Halo, or Starcraft. The disparity is just too big for me to handle, which is why I need to see more Asian men dating and marrying hot white women to make up for the difference.
But don’t get me wrong, often but sadly, it’s the Asian men themselves who reinforce those negative stereotypes and end up abiding to them on a practical level. Some of us tend to be too shy, not confident or aggressive enough, and hang out too much with other single Asian guys. All these things deeply hampers and hurts the SAM in the end. The tough dating world coupled with the negative stereotypes that are perpetually reinforced by white people, the media, Hollywood, other Asian girls and guys, and everyday people, that Asian men are subject, some of which were cited in Ms. Kita’s article. While I feel Asian-Americans have come a long way in terms of achieving success on a socio-economic level, Asian men have a long way to go in terms of societal and pop culture acceptance. How can you blame Asian men from being angry or disenfranchised?
ControversialSAM and other SAMs blog their struggles and tribulations and offer deep insight on dating, sex, culture, and the challenges of being a Single Asian Male today at singleasianmale.com. “For more, go to SingleAsianMale.com, @sam_asianman on Twitter, and Facebook.” A lot of the content we wrote up is to be funny so not to be taken too seriously 🙂
The article was written mainly by me but helped out a bit from 2 friends of mine, who also work on our www.singleasianmale.com site. It’s not a dating site 🙂
This article cracks me up. It gets the point across but is humorous. Although, I’ve never seen any hot Asian girls with fat, sloppy, greasy, white men. lol!
Will say, there are many hot Asian men who are debunking the myth that Asian men are “last resort”.
Look at Rain – Hot! The Quest guys are hot and girls from every race are fans. Look at the Far East Movement guys!
It’s all about attitude with girls!
LOL JAMIE!!! GREASY!!! LOVE IT!!!
As the step-father of a Single Asian Male, now 30, I have some empathy for the views expressed here. As the husband for 27 years of my beloved Asian American female, I am “part of the problem,” perhaps. Her first marriage, to a tall, professional, dominating Asian male, was very unpleasant, and most woman reared in Amrica would not put up with that behavior. This is not “self-hating” but it is “self-protecting.” Women of various races when polled prefer taller, richer men, regardless of race. White males tend to prefer slender, non-assertive women, regardles of race. These are only trends, but they favor White Male and Asian Female pairing. In time, they may change.
My step-son is 6’3″ tall, with an MBA. He has dated seriously Asian and Caucasian women. We will be happy with whomever he marries if they have a happy marriage.
“You know, the guy that LOOKS like you? The one that looks like your DAD? EWWWW…”
That’s because it’s better to date someone who looks like their best white friend’s dad!
obviously they do if asian guys are still writing about it and people are still commenting on it.
Seriously, get off yourself! You’re just jealous! I’ve dated a handful of both white and Asian men and you know what I learned? White guys are not only more confident and adventurous, but they’re A LOT better in bed too. I know I’ll end up marrying a Japanese man for the cultural similarities, but he better know how to lay some pipe. 🙂
LOL. Why are people even still talking about this topic? Most asian guys I know don’t even care anymore.
i guarantee that at least half of the people claiming to be asian on here arent even really asian.
Another Angry Asian Man who is jealous that Asian girls can get white guys.
Asian men are the ultimate underdogs in America. It used to be black people but it seems like Americans are past that. Nowadays you see a lot of successful black athletes, musicians, businessmen, etc. Even our president is black now. Its not even considered taboo for white women to date black men anymore which I think is great.
I’m biracial myself (hispanic/white/asian) but I grew in Los Angeles and have tons of friends from various backgrounds. It seems like Asian guys have it the toughest, not just when it comes to dating but other things as well like finding a job or getting promoted (because of the so called “bamboo ceiling”, even though its a fact that asians get higher grades in school). You see tons of Asian women as news casters in the media but you rarely ever see an Asian guy as one. Even just watching TV for a few hours you’ll notice all these Asian females in a bunch of commercials but you hardly see an Asian guy unless he’s playing some stereotype. Too bad affirmitive action only applies to blacks and hispanics. Even in movies, the asian woman always ends up with the white hero, while the Asian guy plays either the villain, the white hero’s sidekick, or some stereotype.
I’m not saying its impossible for Asian men to become successful in America because it definitely is. I really do believe in the American Dream. You just have to work 10 times harder than the average white guy to reap the same rewards. My advice to all my Asian buddies out there is this: keep your head up, work your ass off, and don’t whine.
P.S. Become entrepreneurs. You probably have a better chance of becoming financially successful if you become an entrepreneur because you won’t have some white dude dictating whether you deserve to move up in the corporation or not.
Asian Americans are very successful in our nation’s universities.
This success is reflected in their achievements in many of the professions, expecially those emphasizing math and science.
“Affirmative action,” a euphemism for discrimination, has favored blacks, Hispanics, and women, to the detriment of the disfavored groups, principally Asian and white males.
Becoming entrepreneurs or independent contractors is a good approach, allowing the marketplace to value one’s contributions to a degree that bureaucratic organizations will not. The success of Jewish Americans in the fields of law, medicine, science, and the arts, despite generations of discrimination points the way.
The Overseas Chinese throughout the world have shown that talent and industriousness can prevail under worse circumstances than in America.
White dudes, like myself, are often your allies in supporting promotion by merit rather than by group identification. That’s what many of us believe in and how we vote.
Douglas you speak like a patronizing elder white professor with elitist views. You are forgetting we live in multiraical society today good and bad. You don’t have to validate your IR relationship to pit one group aligned white and Asian against other minorities.
@sam Good response bro, but I don’t want to be lumped as a single disgruntled Asian male, because I have a girlfriend/fiance. Some white guys here don’t wont to acknowledge either getting dumped by white women or being rejecting against their own and thinking they can have all the Asian women. I already complained about this arrogance attitude. I have more respect to the white guy who is open minded and cross-cultural and happens to fall in love with an Asian women than some losers with arrogant self-absorbed fetish and attidude.
Douglas I thought you were trying to score points in your IR relationship aligning Asians with whites in your academic college or the work place and then pitting it against other minorites blacks and hispanics and others. I apologize for any misinterpretation. Of course you don’t apply to my 2nd opinion on IR AW/WM. We have an African American President Obama and yes he needs to boost the economy if he wants to get re-elected. I just want a society of equal opportunity and inclusion.
Don, that’s a bit too harsh. I am an elder, white, ex-professor, as my picture and my writing probably suggest. I have always believed that merit should be rewarded, regardless of race, class, and gender. That neither makes me patronizing nor unaware of the multi-racial and multi-cultural nature of our society, but it does make me skeptical of those who have used race, class, and gender politically to divide us.
Wait, less than twenty comments and you think that this shows that most Asian guys really care about who you date? Sorry, but the other guy is right, most Asian-American guys just don’t care about this. Here, check this out….this is what most Asians guys think but just don’t care enough to come onto these blogs and post about it.
He is Asian and he’s funny!
The author is NOT ASIAN! If he is then he is one sad pessimistic
person and don’t represent a true man at all.
Are you crazy?? A LOT better?? If they all are like them douchebags in bang bus.. I guess your idea of good is “ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh…….”
lol. Whatever. Well I can say.. LATINAS ARE WAY HOTTER THAN ASIAN WOMEN. I mean.. let’s see you walk around with your panties showing thru your pants. Them latinas do.. so you should too. That’s basically the exact same argument I can make for the asian females as you and your so called ‘white guys are so much better in bed’ shpiel.
So f—ing true haha
Idk how you can write articles debunking stereotypes and then whenever someone complains you assume they’re an angry asian male. anyways from where i live asians date outside of their race, guys and girls.
All this debating about Asian women is just ludicrous. Why bother with Asian women when you can date white women. The problem is that an average Asian dude has no chance with white women; thus, he naturally feels slighted to see the women of his own race dating out. But, really, I don’t see what’s all the fuss with Asian women, anyway. They have flat faces with tiny, beady little eyes and a big, flat noses; all piled on top of a big round head with coarse black hair. So swarthy and unattractive when compared to the sharper and more delicate features of white women. Also, Asian women are mostly short with stubby little legs; They have neither breasts nor butts. They look like little kids in slutty cloths. Give me a white woman with loooong legs with shapely breasts and butts any day. I have some friends who love to date Asian women; however, these guys are socially retarded and have no game. They love Asian women because they don’t have to do anything to bag one. Pathetic, really.
VERY FUNNY THANKS FOR REMINDING MEE AS SOMETHING DISTRACTED MAI IMMEDIATE ATTENTION I GOT SIDECAR TRACKED AGAIN!! I WILL POST NOW JUST FORD YUE HANK!! 🙂
….and where’s the Hank Ford blog or are you warming up with Lee Iacocca?
HEY, DOES ANYONE WANT TO START UP A NEW SITE CALLED HAPPY NON-ASIAN WOMEN??
SHINY HAPPY NON-ASIAN GIRLS ANGRY AT ASIAN MEN! 🙂
WELL, I HEAR THAT THERE IS THIS GREAT FIRM NAMED AFTER AN ENIGMATIC INVENTOR HEADED UP BUY A REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE IF THERE EVER WAS ONE AND THEY ARE ALL FOR RADICAL IDEAS AND SUCH AND I WAS TOLD THAT THEY PAY ACCORDING TO HOW YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION “HOW MUCH DUE YUE OWE IN DEBT NOW ER NEED?? ALSO HE PAYS SEW MANY PEOPLE WHO ARE UNDERQUALIFIED AND HAVE BEEN WITH HIM FOR TOO MANY YEARS WAY OVER MARKET VALUE AND THEY ARE OVERVALUED SEW THEY NEVER LEAVE=WE ARE BOUND TO MAKE OUT LIKE CARPETBAGGERS JUST LIKE THEM!!! THEY MAY JUST LOVE IT!! I BET WE CAN GET MONEY FROM THEM BC I HEAR THAT THE OWNER SAYS HE IS WORTH BILL IONS AND BILL IONS AND JUST LOVES TO HELP HOT GIRLS WHO WEAR RED G STRINGS BUTT EXPECTS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN RETURN BUTT HUGE PROFITS=SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN!! JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU WEAR A SHORT RED DRESS AND BEND OVER A LOT FOR POWERS OF PERSUASION!! SHOWING OFF YOUR DD ASSETS CAN SWAY HIS DECISION IN YOUR ONE DIRECTION AS WELL FROM WHAT I HEAR BUTT I MAY HAVE HEARD WRONG BC YUE NEVER KNOW THESE DAYS!! 🙂
TAKE A CHANCE ON MEE ER MAI BUSINESS PLAN BABY!
Many tanks and hold the Pinto. Yes, I somehow have faith in you!
Ma(ell)isa….where can we get funding and how much would it pay?
Well, I see what you mean. The reality is that one does see female Asians with male Caucasian couple more often than Caucasian female with Asian man couple, but I think this is starting to change slowly. I’m a Latina woman (with white skin), yellow eyes and a good body (small waist round booty). I’d say I’m a good looking 22 year old and let me tell you buddy that for me there isn’t a sexier man than my cute Asian bon bon (my boy). He laughed the first time I called him my “Asian bon bon” but then I told him that I could be his sun kissed Latina lover (using Spanish accent) and he so smiled. Actually when we met at a festival in my homeland, in Puerto Rico, I was the one who initiated it all. First noticed how good looking he was then noticed how nice he smelled. I didn’t think about it much: grabbed his hand, danced all night, fell in love and now he’s all mine. In truth, I think it’s silly to like someone by their race alone, instead we should like them for the person they are… but what can I say I just tend to gravitate towards Asian men. I like their hair, skin, physical attributes (as she wipes the drool of her chin) it is what it is. Just like some other woman might find black men or white men to their liking. Don’t lose hope, with patience and a little luck I think all is possible. Well, I met the love of my life among thousands of men, Caucasian black and puertorrican in the mix, in one night at the festival I mentioned (the night before he left Puerto Rico) and now I can’t think of any other man. We stayed in contact since then, we talk every day and travel to see each other. I love him and I would marry him if he asked me to. I’ve never had those feelings towards any man… I didn’t even think I would feel like that towards anyone, but that also changed when I met him.
being an Asian guy in northern California, all I see is Asian girls with white guys. If you are an Asian dude you’ve probably had this happen to you….. you’re walking through the mall or grocery store and you happen to see an Asian girl-white guy couple walking from the opposite direction. The Asian girl sees you and quickly reaches and grabs for her boyfriend to shield herself it seems. (like we’re even into them) you know this happens every time. The Asian girl makes sure you see them and it seems like they do it out of spite.
And not to mention they make walking through the mall very AWKWARD because they constantly grab their boyfriends. It’s getting old ladies. stop making it so awkward, Asian guys don’t care anymore.
BEATING A DEAD HORSE ISN’T GOING TO HURT IT ANYMORE.
A lot of Asian women say they don’t date Asian men. This is a little strange because how do you exclude a whole race of people, with different personalities and there are good looking people in every ethnicity. a lot of Asian women have anger towards Asian dudes even when its the first time meeting. Obviously there is something wrong here.
to all my single asian bros out there (me being one of them) you can wait around for an Asian chick who will never come, or OPEN YOUR EYES (trying to get your attention)and like a different ethnicity. DAAAMN Hispanic women have cool social skills, sharper features and most important…… T & A.
Tequila and avocados… from mexico