Facebook Fueling Divorce Rate?

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says, nationwide, one in five divorce petitions mentions Facebook. It seems the social network site is like lighter fluid, re-igniting old flames and devastating unsuspecting spouses. “I was devastated, I was hurt. I remember saying to him, I’m right here. It’s going to make me cry. I just kept saying ‘I’m here. Why do you need that? Why do you need her?’ Now I know why. They’re together,” said a Fresno mother of three, who wanted to remain anonymous. She is currently going through a divorce; she and her husband have been married for nearly 20 years. She wants to remain anonymous to protect her family from further pain. “Any time somebody cheats it hurts. But to have it plastered all over Facebook, for your children to see it, for your friends to see it before you even know about it. It’s painful. It’s even more painful,” said the woman.

At first, she says her husband denied it. But when he let her log on to his account the writing was on the wall, and for her, the consequences were harsh. “Then I logged in and found him talking to females, one in particular. He became angry and beat me up in front of our kids. And now he’s with the girl he was on Facebook with,” said the woman. Fresno divorce attorney, Erin Rhames-Childs, says she often can’t have a conversation with one of her clients without Facebook coming up. “In about a third of the cases, Facebook was involved either before the divorce or directly afterwards,” said Rhames-Childs. And the damage isn’t done when Facebook reveals infidelity. For the cheater, it could come back to haunt them in court. “One of my questions is, do you have a Facebook or MyWpace account, or does your spouse. Because I want to know,” said Rhames-Childs. Two out of three lawyers nowadays, are using the site as a source of evidence.

“I’ve seen pictures of parents drinking from a beer bong, or parents posing their kids next to a pot bong and they think it’s funny. Maybe on Facebook it’s funny, but when it gets to the court of law, the court does not like that. And that would affect someone’s rights to their children, or their ability to raise their children,” said Rhames-Childs. But is Facebook really to blame for the breakup of a marriage? Marriage and family therapist, Paul Mavrogeorge, says no. He says there are two types of cheaters – the ones that are going to cheat no matter what and the ones that could be tempted to cheat.

“Those middlers, those folks that drift. Those are folks that have problems that are already existing in their relationship. They’re getting something on Facebook that they’re not getting out of their relationship with their spouse,” said Mavrogeorge. He says some use social media to escape to an alternative life -the life they wish they had. “The danger of things like Facebook, it does provide us a place where we can create our avatar, that little false image of us, where we can be a little bolder, a little cuter, a little coyer, and you’ll find folks that may flirt on Facebook that may never flirt face to face. And sometimes that life on Facebook plays out in reality, leaving a spouse left to deal with it.

“When you have payments and kids going to college, you know life can be expensive. We always lived beyond our means and he was tired of it. And his life is one big party now. And mine is the same,” said the woman. She is left to pick up the pieces of her shattered family life. And their children are left to cope with the fact that their father chose to live a different life, one they occasionally come across, on Facebook. “I just felt really bad because my daughter found so many pictures, and I had even asked my husband, can you just please tell your girlfriend to stop posting pictures, because it hurts,” said the woman. How can you tell if Facebook is a problem in your marriage? According to Mavrogeorge…the big things to look for, excessive amount of late night time on the computer. Is your spouse on Facebook while you’re sleeping? Is your spouse secretive about what’s on his or her Facebook page? Will they let you see what they’re messaging back and forth with someone. It should always be okay for you to see what your spouse is messaging. And you should both have access to each other’s accounts. If your spouse won’t give you their password, then that could signal a problem.

I know of one or two married women who are worse than the CIA! They monitor all electronic devices like the security guards at Dulles Airport. Personally, I think that behavior is insane!! If a man has a public Facebook account that doesn’t include a spouse or vice versa–there is your answer. If the trust is gone the relationship is OVER. You can’t act like a VICTIM. It is NEVER because of an outside source. Facebook is just another cheating channel like cellphones, smartphone apps, myspace, private escort services etc. It is just much easier to provide concrete evidence.

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