The Etiquette of the Insult Slap

People following the news may have noticed an increase in the use of the insult slap, usually inflicted on politicians or on public figures who have made comments that some listeners found controversial. The slap has met with approval in many quarters. One self-professed follower of India’s most famous pacifist, Mahatma Gandhi, even expressed surprise that outraged Indians are restricting themselves to “just one slap.” But some Indians are distressed at the outbreak of slapping. The slap as insult has been with us for a very long time. Most people know that the appropriate response to such public shaming is to shame your attacker by offering up your other cheek. That seems to happen rarely but the slap is alive and well and in use today, not just in India.

In the Middle East too, the insult slap carries enormous symbolic weight, which is probably why the Central Intelligence Agency advocated its use during the interrogation of some terrorism suspects. Iran, meanwhile, has threatened Israel and the U.S. with “a strong slap” if either country launches military strikes to take out its nuclear program. The slap can also be a powerful, if accidental, force for change — some observers believe that a slap (and sexism) played a role in setting off Tunisia’s Jasmine Revolution.

But since people are wondering what distinguishes the political slap from plain old violence, we have enlisted everyone’s favorite neighborhood behavioral expert* (with respect to the Agony Auntyji column in the now-defunct Outlook City Limits magazine) to take questions on slapping:

Q. Whom can I slap?

Aunty: To make political statement, you must (a) slap someone much more powerful than you (b) only slap on camera. In most cases if you slap someone who is not powerful behind closed doors, this is not a statement, but an assault. Please see Section 351 of the Indian Penal Code. However, you are more likely to face assault charges in the first case, as you are (a) slapping someone powerful and (b) doing it in front of everyone.

Q. What is the correct form for political slapping?

Aunty: Open right hand swoops gracefully through the air to make contact with the left cheek of your slapee. Remember you are making statement only, so it is not required to use force or slap repeatedly. Ladies who are facing unwanted attentions of men may like to try this variation: the flip-flop slap. This is traditional two-in-one slap handed down from ancient times that combines insult of hurling footwear with shock effect of slap. Please to remove slipper and smack your would-be Romeo on the head. Shout loudly while doing the same for added effect.

Q. I am a tourist visiting India, and wish to embrace the culture on my trip. Should I take up slapping?

Aunty: For tourists of all countries (except England), please refrain from slapping. You will get better results by distributing 50-rupee notes or calling hotel manager. If you are slapped, please report it to tourist police and lodge FIR. If you are tourist from England, say, “I am sorry for the 200 years of colonialism. Please slap me.”

Q. My political party’s symbol is an open hand — is it possible the aam admi thinks we are secretly in favor of slapping? Or asking to be slapped?

Aunty: Is that you, Rahul?

Q. Isn’t all this slapping a sign our social order is breaking down? Shouldn’t we be able to express disapproval without physical aggression?

Aunty: Yes. You are very right.

Q. Suppose, hypothetically speaking of course, I am a being with four arms (and hands) or even a thousand. Will a slap from each of my limbs count as ‘just one slap’?

Aunty: You are mocking the Indian culture. I will slap you.

If I suddenly slap you hard in public, it is in the name of etiquette and complies with one of the rules above!

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