The White Boy Speaks on Dating Asian Women – the 5 year update
Five years have passed since “The White Boy Speaks on Dating Asian Women.” I still get asked, as a white guy who still mostly dates Asian women, why I date Asian women more than any others. My tastes haven’t changed but my views have matured.
I’m writing to follow up, share new views, and, I hope, increase mutual understanding. I still believe open communication helps people understand each other better.
The new views are simpler and more mature, though they may seem paradoxical. Some will say, “Jay, this is totally obvious” and some will say “Wow, I wish I’d seen it that way earlier.”
First an update.
My preference for Asians hasn’t changed. People still have preconceived notions about me. Many people who don’t know me well still think just because a girl is Asian I’ll like her, though it doesn’t bother me as much. I understand where they’re coming from, even if I expect more of people. I have preconceived notions about things I’m unfamiliar with too.
I’ve dated women in the past five years – mostly Asian, a few not. There have been several occasions of love between us, though no vows, for better or for worse.
I’ve read the comments to my first article at times. I’m honored to have helped generate so much communication and hopefully increase understanding. Some of the anger suprises me, but it comes with talking about race. I’m pleased at the few posts showing some new understanding.
Okay, now for Jay Spark’s big new views about white men and Asian women dating that he thinks will improve relations for everyone. And it took me a while to realize (drumroll please):
It’s not that big a deal.
Talking about race and ethnicity is a big deal in this country. But the more I’ve experienced and learned, within a relationship the less I find the source of physical attraction matters past the first few minutes. Sure, you need physical attraction, but appearance doesn’t substitute for intelligence, humor, values, and so on. I’ve never thought more or less of a woman as a person for her appearance.
What others think of whom I date has become less important to me too. That’s partly why I haven’t followed up the last article in so long.
What others think of whom I date has become less important to me too. That’s partly why I haven’t followed up the last article in so long. I don’t view race and ethnicity as that important to people in their relationships anymore. Sure, we’re aware of it and it affects whom we’re attracted to, but it doesn’t change the relationship.
I hope other people also make race and ethnicity less important to relationships too – whether theirs or anyone else’s. Other people make it a big deal. That’s their decision. I can’t help that.
Many people see a long article and assume the number of words mean it’s a big deal. It just means I should write better and more succinctly. Sorry, I’m doing the best I can.
The paradox is that many related things are big deals. Your partner’s character – his or her values, accomplishments, sense of humor, how he or she makes you feel, and so on – is a big deal. Your partner’s race may be important to him or her. Yours may be important to you.
But a woman being Asian doesn’t have special meaning to me. It doesn’t make me like her, respect her, find her funny, consider her accomplished any more or less. It just means I find her more physically attractive.
Needless to say, I’m only looking at this issue at the individual level. People who say what others should or shouldn’t do based on race or nationality – I can’t speak to that. I believe people have to decide what’s right for them based on their values. If think people should choose based on your values – well, we just disagree.
I don’t try to get people to understand or agree with me. If they do, great. If not, I don’t bother debating. Why not? Because it’s not that big a deal. They’re as welcome to their views as I am to mine as you are to yours.
I hope they’ll come around to see that what attracts me to a woman isn’t as big a deal as how happy we are together. If people wish us happiness, great! If not, so be it.
It’s not that big a deal.
See Jay Spark’s controversial article: The White Boy Speaks on Dating Asian Women.
Jay, it is about time! You have stirred up so much controversy over the past 5 years!! You certainly “sparked” the most reaction to any article. Everyone has to put their 2 cents in and they are sooo passionate about their opinions on the subject matter.
I would like to compliment Jay by saying that he is exceptionally smart and has a great appreciation for Asian beauty, art and culture. Any girl would be lucky to date him, Asian or not. Trust me, I’ve met him. He just prefers Asian women period. Get over it and if that bothers you find a guy who prefers whatever you are. I really hope this helps. 🙂
Agreed, some of the attraction is simply for a physical type more common in one race than another, but I found qualities in my Chinese American wife that I think derive from genetic and cultural factors stereotypically, though not exclusively, Asian. There is a soft strength, a profound quietude, a care for the feelings of others, a valuing of education and of fine art and music that I ascribe at least in part to her asiance, if I may borrow that word.
A welcomed update. I will be interested to see if the update stirs as much response as the original. If there is ever a third, you might want to consider the “hardwire” aspects and issues that stimulate our choices and actions. It just might be that neuroscience (if I am using that term correctly) carrys a heavier load about all of this.
Just a question: Why does nobody consider many Asian women’s preference for white men a “fetish” or “creepy” at all? Seems like an unfair double standard. My wife is Asian and racists often stereotype me as having an Asian fetish. This couldn’t be further from the case though – I have dated very few Asian women despite living in an area with a large Asian population, and I prefer white women on the whole. My wife, on the other hand, has only dated white men and told me she has almost never found an Asian man attractive. She finds guys with Asian fetishes weird and I point out to her that that’s a rather hypocritical position to take considering her own preferences. Why is white guys going for Asian girls considered weird but the reverse considered normal? Makes no sense to me.
That’s a great idea. Why don’t you write that article Steve? Although, I hardly think that an individual’s preference for someone is a “fetish” or “creepy” at all. It has to do with cultural likes and dislikes, past experiences, ambition, socioeconomic conditioning and the like. I hope this helps. Have a great day! 🙂
I don’t understand the photo used for this article. What does that have to do with the subject matter unless it’s showing that the author has buffed up since the last time. Or is it showing that this is what white guys have to offer Asian women? 🙂
“Many people see a long article and assume the number of words mean it’s a big deal. It just means I should write better and more succinctly. Sorry, I’m doing the best I can.”
I concur, lol. And yes, it’s not that big of a deal. People like to hype things up for gossip values and what not, but I suspect in another 200 years, interracial dating will be the norm and will cease to be an issue. You are just ahead of your time is all, Jay. I’m an Asian American woman who is attracted to non-Asians, specifically Caucasians and Hispanics. This preference is purely aesthetic and can be traced back to when I was six years old. I can’t explain it any better than you did. It’s instinctual, it’s raw, and it’s natural. It’s who I am and I wish my friends and family would understand without me having to explain or justify it. Maybe in another 200 years? 🙂
It’s worse when you are in denial.
There is no double standard, naturally everyone looks for the best fit. Asian Women and White have never match well on many aspects of compatibility, in most cases huge concessions are made mostly in favour of white males.
The only common mutual agreement is, she role plays your ideal Asian stereotype, she is white washed or limited choice in demographic.
With the white males it’s very simple. Asian fetish, attraction by false racial misconceptions.
On one hand:
” I hope, increase mutual understanding. I still believe open communication helps people understand each other better.”
on the other
“I don’t try to get people to understand or agree with me.”
which one is it?
I think you succeeded in letting people say what they wanna say on this topic, but mutual understanding? I’m still not sure. I think it’s a matter of the type of people you interact and how you present yourself. It’s similarly possible that your previous article may have harbored something counterproductive, which, I doubt you could see.
this is a chic magazine after all, but in this economy, does everyone have time for this? Yes it’s not a big deal because unemployment and not having health insurance are much important issues than talking about how dating Asian women has embarrassed you.
where’s the true perspective taking?
To the white guy who wrote this article I can tell you that you can relax, everybody thinks that white guys have asian fetish, but I think is the contrary, asian women have white fetish…for example, I don’t see white guys saying: “hey I want a beautiful hapa baby” or how many asian female celebrities have an asian man as partner?, I don’t know the first asian woman who disagrees with dating a white man, This doesn’t mean all of them are dating or marrying white males, but the chances are common and high
TO THE WHITE WASP/NERD “MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE” WHO KEEP PURSUING MAI TIGHT AND BOUNCE CHANGE OF A QUARTER OFF MAI ASIAN ASS, PLEASE STOP PURSUING MEE WITH PROPOSITIONS AND GO 100% ASIAN ALREADEE!! I AM NOT NEARLEE ASIAN ENOUGH!! REMEMBER THAT WEN U GET THAT SUDDEN URGE IN YOUR GROINS!! 🙂
CALL MEE MAYBE NOT!! 🙂
Change for a 50 cent piece?
NO, UNFORTUNATELEE I CAN’T!! SEW SORREE!! 🙁 I CAN HOWEVER GIVE YOU CHANGE AND THEN SOME FOR BILL IONS OF GREEN!! “LET’S DISCUSS” AND MEET FOR LUNCH “MAI TREAT” TO USE THE GOVERNOR OF CONNECTICUT’S LITTLE “LOVE NOTES” TO THE HEDGE FUND OWNERS OF THE BIG APPLE! WINK 🙂
NO, UNFORTUNATELEE I CAN’T!! SEW SORREE!! 🙁 I CAN HOWEVER GIVE YOU CHANGE AND THEN SOME FOR BILL IONS OF GREEN!! “LET’S DISCUSS” AND MEET FOR LUNCH “MAI TREAT” TO USE THE GOVERNOR OF CONNECTICUT’S LITTLE “LOVE NOTES” TO THE HEDGE FUND OWNERS OF THE BIG APPLE! WINK 🙂
CALL MEE MAYBE??
why you always post an irrelevant video? besides, my position is about how asian women are so attentive and receptive to white guys, not about how many white guys try to score with you, I’m not lying when I speak about the attraction that asian women have to white guys
I’m kind of jealous of Les because he scooped up Julie before I could blink. Or she scooped him as we are told. Anyways….she’s a nice fantasy….but I can’t watch CBS whilst dreaming.
BC IT IS LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, THAT IS WHY!! MEI CAR BROKE DOWN AND I AM ON A BUSINESS TRIP IN YEMEN!! 🙁 YES, ASIAN GIRLS ARE OBSESSED WITH WHITE GUYS BC THEY ARE TAUGHT IN THEIR CULTURE THAT THE WHITER YOU ARE = THE BETTER YOU ARE = THE BETTER YOUR GENE POOL!! MOST ASIAN GIRLS SUFFER FROM IDENTITY CRISES WHICH IS WHY THEY ARE THE LARGEST PURCHASERS OF COACH AND OTHER SIMILAR TYPE AMERICAN DESIGNERS=THE DESIGNER AMERICAN MAN!! IT IS ALL PSYCHOLOGICAL=BLAME THE MEDIA MOGULS FOR THAT ONE=THE SAME MEDIA MOGULS WHO ARE SELLING THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA IS THE GREATEST AND MICHELLE OBAMA IS BEAUTIFUL! 🙁 UNLESS YUE ARE AMONGST THE TOP 1% OR 2% OF INTELLIGENCE IN THE WORLD, YUE WILL FALL PREY TO THIS TYPE OF MEDIA MANIPULATION AKA PR, IF YUE WILL! 🙁 THE MEDIA SETS THE STAGE AND SENDS THAT MESSAGE TO ASIAN GIRLS JUST AS THEY ARE SELLING THE BLASIAN MESSAGE=BLACK MEN + ASIAN WOMEN NOW!! 🙂
SEW, WHAT DUE I DO ABOUT THIS, YOU WANT TO KNOW?? GET TOGETHER WITH A GROUP OF ANGRY BUTT VERY RICH AND SUCCESSFUL ASIAN/AMERASIAN/EURASIAN MEN AND DON’T LET THESE MEDIA MOGULS BASH YUE LIKE THIS. IF I KNOW WHO THEY ARE THEN YUE KNOW WHO THEY ARE TOO=THE LES MOONVES “MASTERS OF THE MEDIA” TYPES!! WHY DUE THEY DO IT YUE WANT TO KNOW?? SEW THAT THEY WILL BE THE DESIRED GOD OR ADONIS IF YUE WILL OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD, PRIMARILY OF THE EASTERN WORLD=PRIMARILY RUSSIAN JEWISH AND CHINESE BC THEY ARE THEIR “CHEERIOS” OF CHOICE, IF YOU WILL EXXCUSE MAI FRENCH! WHY ARE PRIMARILY CHINESE AND RUSSIAN JEWISH GIRLS THE JEWISH MEDIA MOGULS’ CARS OF CHOICE=I THINK YUE KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION!! 🙂
TOMMY, PINBALL WIZARD=ANOTHER “UNRELATED” VIDEO THAT YUE WILL MOST LIKELEE NOT MAKE THE CONNECTION TO! 🙁
WTF? I didn’t understand your point, sorry I don’t know if you’re jocking or talking seriously, I can’t identtify written sarcasm, in other words I still can’t find someone who show me the opposite about my thought, the strong fascination that asian women have for white guys is notable and easily demonstrable, many white guys love also asian girls but I think the “fetish” issue comes from asian girls and not from white guys
(NSFW) Read the text. A very insightful post on the yellow fever thing.
http://theuncagedsoullifestlye.blogspot.com/2012/07/he-likes-you-because-youre-asian-must.html?zx=181debdcd6d35f64
what a great reading, thanks 🙂
You idiots do realize that Asian males/white females have a higher divorce rate than Asian females and white males
“You idiots do realize that Asian males/white females have a higher divorce rate than Asian females and white males.”
But check your facts. Both are far lower than white male-white female couples!
Asian male/white female is 59% more likely to divorce than white male/white female.
White male/Asian female is 49% more likely to divorce than white male/white female, but its still lower divorce rate than asian male/white female.
Starting to sound like the Fiscal Cliff negotiations! You realize these stats grossly overlap given the margin of error in these types of studies. Maybe use another approach to make your point?
I don’t assume that because you have a preference for asian girls you like all asian girls. I just feel sorry for you, because you have severly limited your life choices based on a superficial exterior appearance.
You might miss the real love of your life in terms of personality, because that person is white or indian or hispanic or black.
For that you should be pitied. I am not sure why anyone would deliberately want to limit their chance of happiness that way.
I have dated from multiple cultures and ethnicities. All are beautiful in a different way. It is a shame you are too narrow-minded to see that – though in the end you suffer the worst for it.
Well said @Anonymous. Try not to limit your happiness options. I also worry sometimes that a person’s preferences might bleed over to other parts of their life.