Fashion, Foolishness and Feminine Attractiveness
“Clothes make the man” wrote American author, humorist, and practical philosopher “Mark Twain,” the pen name of Samuel L. Clemens. He recognized, as we all do, that first appearances are important and that a man’s clothing influences our initial assessment of him. Twain added that naked people had little impact on the world, but he wrote before Playboy arose.
A short piece in Psychology Today magazine [cited below] discussed the results of a study involving several different sets of clothing for men on women’s evaluation of the men and, similarly, on men’s evaluation of women in different garbs. Higher status clothes made the women more interested. Prettier clothes made the men more interested. Interested in what? The usual – relationships for women, sex for men.
The women readers of asiancemagazine.com could have guessed these results correctly. How to respond? For work situations, “dress like the boss,” if your boss is a woman, that is. Otherwise, look at high-ranking women in your organization and take a cue from them. Use make-up, but in moderation. “Moderation in all things” is a good category_ide here. Concerning fashion, follow the advice of English Renaissance poet Alexander Pope, “Be not the first by whom the new are tried / Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.” Pope’s centuries-old advice will keep you from buying too early items that quickly go out of style, yet not wearing clothes that remind you of your grandmother.
Your private life, rather than your professional life, is another matter entirely, if you can keep the two separate. Here, dress as you please, but recognize that your choices will influence the kind of friends, men and women, you attract. When my wife, Tina Su Cooper, was in college, which is somewhere between work and play, she was noted for dressing conservatively in well-made clothes, without a lot of different outfits. She was appropriate, attractive, but not a “clothes horse,” not someone obsessed with fashion, not someone who seemed shallow in that way. When you put your photo on Facebook, should you do such a wild and crazy thing, pay attention to the message your choice of clothing sends. You will attract what you set your bait for.
Unfortunately, perhaps, looks matter. We all wish we were better looking, except those of us getting too much attention for being handsome or beautiful, not a problem I have had personally. [I have a much younger brother who literally turns women’s heads as he walks by.] A smart woman recently told me that while her beautiful daughters were young, she downplayed their looks when they were complimented about them, and she emphasized their talents. When they reached a marriageable age, those same compliments about their good looks were welcomed and accepted. There’s a time for everything, it is said.
Greek philosopher Socrates advised, “know thyself.” This should be one of our highest goals. If we can play the world’s games without fooling ourselves, understanding what we are doing, we can achieve worldly goals without sacrificing what is most important about ourselves.
Shakespeare’s character Polonius advised his son, “To thine own self be true / And thus it must follow as night the day / Thou canst not be false to any man.” One must balance playing the world’s game with being true to oneself. Good luck with that.
Douglas Winslow Cooper, Ph.D., is a freelance writer, writing coach, and retired physicist, author of Ting and I: A Memoir of Love, Courage, and Devotion, available from Outskirts Press, amazon.com, bn.com, or from the web site, tingandi.com.
Doug,
Another amazing article! You will attract what you set your bait for! Higher status clothes for men make the women more interested in a relationship/stablility. Prettier clothes make the men more interested in sex.
I agree 100% However, ladies need to always be groomed, poised, polished and never ever look like a mess or an unmade bed! Tailored and well-made clothing is a must! The right silhouette for YOUR body type is the MOST IMPORTANT. If you are short and wide, don’t even think about wearing a mini skirt or a form fitting sweater, for example. Always have perfectly coiffed hair, manicured nails, and clear skin. Even with little money and a bad economy, girls can look very smart, chic and presentable.
PS I have the book “Brush Up Your Shakespeare!” and am using some of the lines in my upcoming articles for fun! Look out for it. Interesting Bard Mania Enjoy! 🙂
Marisa,
Thanks for compliments and commentary. We belong to a mutual admiration society. Your advice on grooming is excellent.
Thank you so much Doug! I am now using my “Brush Up Your Shakespeare” book for my blog and entries. That was a great idea to use famous Shakespeare quotes. I think I will switch back and forth from Confucious to Shakespeare going forward.
The song goes, “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run.” It applies to dating, as well as to fishing and poker.
The rational answer is that this depends on what your future prospects are. If you are unlikely to do much better, and if you can be happy with the fish you caught, then enjoy it. Otherwise, toss it back, re-bait your hook, and continue to fish.
If the fish is sub-standard or you are likely to do significantly better in the future, toss it back, re-bait, keep fishing.
If you catch a really good one, stop fishing and enjoy.
To thine own self be true / And thus it must follow as night the day / Thou canst not be false to any man.” One must balance playing the world’s game with being true to oneself.
Now THAT is the best advice I have ever gotten from any Bard! Doug, you should have your own column. You are a very wise man. A question, what if you set your bait and for some reason the wrong fish bites because THAT fish was hungry but not THE fish you set your BAIT for? What to do then? Throw it back in the bay and cast another line? Reel it in and make the best of it? Cook it, eat it for dinner, and stop fishing altogether?? OR, Keep that fish and keep on fishing?? Sometimes, I am just so CLUELESS! Please advise.
I posted that song! You ARE a card. I keep throwing the fish back in the ocean after I catch them. THAT seems to be my problem. The bigger problem is this: I go after the GREAT BIG SHARK until I catch it, no matter how long it takes, then as soon as I get it, and unfortunately I ALWAYS DO bc I am determined as hell and competitive as ever–I discover that I really never wanted it in the first place. Kind of like seeing London through the eyes of a Disney film and then visiting London and realizing that it isn’t quite “Mary Poppins” after all, is it?? Such a disappointment. 🙁 It is all about the challenge for me you see. At that point, I immediately cast my line for my next fish er challenge. I really wish I would find a fish that I DIDN’T want to throw back into the water. It would be something short of a miracle and add much joy to life! Life is a lot tougher for SOME people (like moi) than for others. Most people just reel in any suitable fish that bites and they are sooo happy with that. That must be so nice. 🙂 Simplicity IS bliss as they say. If ONLY I were that simple! I REALLY wish. 🙁