Religion and Interracial Marriage
Hellooo there,
I had a talk yesterday with my sister about marriage, as it dwells and hangs over all of us as we get older each year. Seeing that George and I have been together for almost 7 years now..the only question next is marriage. But you see it’s not that easy. We’re trying to establish ourselves first, then consider marriage. That’s not the only thing that concerns me however. My sister brought up religion, and trust religion and my dad are nothing to be played with.
I was raised Catholic and by my dad’s right hand, I will be forever a Catholic. So how can I get married to someone who is not Catholic? According to my sister, I can’t marry in a Catholic church unless my spouse-to-be converts. I thought to myself, “I’ve made it ok in my mind and my family’s mind to say our relationship is worth it, and now God’s hand has a say also?” Well if that doesn’t beat a dead horse when he’s down!
So now converting looms in my head. I know George goes with me to church sometimes, but to change his entire faith so that he and I can marry in a Catholic church, or marry at all? I don’t think he’ll do it.
Exhibit A: I take my late uncle (R.I.P) who ended up ending his engagement to this beautiful Vietnamese woman because she was Catholic and he was Buddhist. They butted heads over religion and ended it because they wouldn’t come to an agreement of who would convert. Catholics believe that Catholicism is the dominant religion and whoever marries a Catholic should convert to a Catholic.
Exhibit B: My mom who was Buddhist had to convert to Catholicism to marry my dad. Imagine if she never decided to convert, my dad may not have wanted to be with her.
George and I really have to figure out what we want to do, not only that, but decide what religion our children will be. Maybe I’ll do some research and see what other interracial couples do when they can’t decide which religion to follow or if they continue practicing separately.
Decisions, decisions, is there anything really black and white anymore?
Ha ha…this has nothing to do with interracial relationships and everything to do with religion. If you are both already living together and/or having sexual relations (or maybe eating meat on Friday) you are operating outside of the teachings of Catholisism.
Relationships are difficult at the best of times, and the fact that you’ve been going at it for 7 years, is a credit to your endurance.
Why marry? There are many successful common law relationships that have seen many anniversaries. So you want to have kids and the kids need a last name? Not an argument these days.
Although you seem loyal to your dad (Asian filial piety) in the end it’s your life.
You’re down to the short straws….
1. Issue an ultimatum to your partner that you demand marriage in the Catholic Church, hence he converts
2. Continue on as now in common law, have kids if you want and ignore your dad if he has comments
3. Wait for your dad to pass, then marry in a non-religious civil ceremony.
Relationships are so tenuous these days, I’d be absolutely thrilled if I had a daughter who found a happy healthy relationship. And believe me, Catholicism isn’t going to matter if things go sour. There is no “we can’t divorce because we’re Catholic”.
Best of luck as you work through the issue.
IT DEFINITELY HELPS FROM A CULTURAL PERSPECTIVE IF YOU HAVE THE SAME RELIGIOUS BELIEFS AND COME FROM THE SAME ETHNIC SOCIOECONOMIC CULTURAL BACKGROUND AND IT MATTERS MOST IF YOU ARE GOING TO RAISE CHILDREN TOGETHER=I AM SORRY IF THE TRUTH HURTS! MARRIAGE IS AN UPHILL BATTLE THESE DAYS AND THE COUPLES WHO HAVE THE MOST IN COMMON USUALLY LAST THE LONGEST AND ARE PROVEN TO BE THE HAPPIEST FROM A STATISTICAL VIEWPOINT! THE MORE YOU ARE BOTH COMPATIBLE = THE BETTER THE STAYING POWER! CHRISTIANS THINK VERY MUCH ALIKE AS DUE FOLLOWERS OF THE JEWISH FAITH AND HAVE SIMILAR VALUES BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE SAME IDEALS AND INTERESTS MUCH MORE THAN THE SAME RELIGIOUS FAITH AND VIEW LIFE IN MUCH THE SAME WAY BC THAT REALLY HELPS. RELIGION RANKS LOWER ESPECIALLY IF CHILDREN ARE NOT A PART OF THE EQUATION BUT CULTURAL VALUES/SIMILARITIES ARE OF KEY IMPORTANCE!! SEXUAL ATTRACTION AND OPPOSITES ATTRACT IS NICE NICE FOR A ROLL IN THE HAY OR A LIMITED TIME ENGAGEMENT BUT IT DOESN’T LAST IN MOST CASES NOR DOES IT WORK OUT WELL IN THE LONG RUN=TRUST MEE, I KNOW!!
CATHOLICS AND CHRISTIAN PROTESTANTS HAVE COMMON HABITS, PEOPLE OF THE JEWISH FAITH AND CULTURE HAVE COMMON BELIEFS AND TRADITIONS, CHINESE BUDDHISTS, INDIAN HINDUS AND SO FORTH + ETHNICITY PLAYS AN IMPORTANT ROLE=IRISH, ITALIAN, GERMAN, ENGLISH, CHINESE, JEWISH, INDIAN, ETC. . .
FOR EXAMPLE, CHINESE, ITALIAN, EASTERN EUROPEAN (POLISH, HUNGARIAN, RUSSIAN, ETC) AND JEWISH UNIONS HAVE VERY COMMON CULTURAL TRAITS AND OFTEN END UP IN SUCCESSFUL MATCHES AS DUE AFRICAN AMERICAN AND HISPANIC COUPLES. THE SAME HOLDS TRUE FOR IRISH/ENGLISH/GERMAN/DUTCH CHRISTIAN AND CATHOLIC UNIONS TO NAME BUT A FEW.
MATCHMAKER
“Honey, pass the potatoes….and a Priest, a Rabbi and an Imam go into a bar for a drink….”. You can see where that’s headed!
OK OK I HAVE TO CONFESS I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH FATHER RALPH DE BRICASSART!! š HE LEFT MEE FOR THE CHURCH AND CHOSE GOD OVER MEE AND I AM STILL NOT OVER IT = JUST CALL ME MEGGIE AND PLEASE DO NOT EVER ASK ME TO HEAD BACK TO DROGHEDA BC I JUST CAN’T!
THE THORN BIRDS
The Thorn Birds- One Hundred Years
Was that a confession? As your penance, kneel on broken glass for 2 hours and repeat that rosary thing until you can’t think straight. Then go out and create havoc and practice the 7 deadly sins! Can you name them?
I can quite relate to such cases. I`m a Brazilian of Portuguese ancestry raised Catholic, but left Catholicism as soon as I realized that inner conviction was infinitely more important than keeping the appearances of upbringing. I`ve become a Buddhist who sees it as hardly advisable and barely coherent to marry a Christian woman (the nominal majority in my country), let alone to get married at a church (in which I find quite little charm anyway). That is convenience I must leave behind in my challenge in the Dharma.
Diego Oliveira
I know you posted this message a year ago and times may or may not have change but I would say follow your heart. From my personal experiences if the person treats you right and with respect and you have similarities in life go for it. If your dad loves you he will eventually learn to accept this is your life and who you want to be with. Don’t care to much what people think, Being in an interracial relationship is complex to begin with and will always be opinionated by other. I too have been through what you are going though. My wife is Japanese a year ago when we had the decision to get married we met oppositions on both sides. Her with her father and mine with my family. I am Catholic and that was a big issue with people in my family most raised Catholic or Christian and then you add the race factor into it. In the end I stuck to what is inside of my heart and married her. In the end I lost many friendships and family relationship due to other un-acceptance.
It really showed me who believes in me and who really loves me. This is my wife and just live any of my family and friends no matter race or religion i have always respected their spouses. Overall my wife has showed me true love and I am grateful for her coming into my life. I know how hard it can be in an interracial relationship and I wish you and your significant other all of the best in life.
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