From Break Ups to Break Downs

Hey all,

I can’t even remember where I left off as I’m writing this, except that I said I had stories and lessons to tell. Time waits for no one, well I don’t care. I’m still here. Let’s take it back to a year ago. I moved into an apartment with — if you didn’t see it coming, it’s here — my EX-boyfriend. Yes, George and I are no longer. We broke up last year and I was confused, sad, lonely and at ease all at the same time. Not that I was at ease with the break up, but that I had made a life altering decision that I took the responsibility to make. In our last couple years of our seven-year relationship, it was off and on. And this last time it made sense for us to part ways. The relationship had taken its course and I believe that we made the decision as two grown adults to end it. We were simply growing apart and I don’t regret being in the relationship at all because that is how you learn about yourself. I actually moved out right before we ended it, and moved back home with my parents. What a joy it is to be back home <--insert sarcasm. I moved out, but that didn’t necessarily mean that I moved on. Being newly single was very daunting for me, and even though I had been single when I was in my “off” phases in my relationship, I had never truly been single because I never moved on when we were “off.” This time it was permanent. Our communication eventually stopped and we no longer kept contact. This time I was really single. I didn’t understand how people could truly find someone in the world that we live in now - the high-tech, highly detached, over-sexualized society. I was starting from scratch, not just with dating, but being content as a single woman in my 20s. I was very fortunate to have one of my closest friends be there for me, and I was for there for her as she was going through the motions with her relationship. We listened to each other and more than anything we got out of our rut and into the club. When I say I wasn’t much of a party/club person, she basically got it out of me. Not only that, I was getting older. I had finished college and was working, but I didn’t have much of a social life. And so we socialized. We went out and drank and had a ball. I was single and ready to mingle on the outside but I was breaking down on the inside. I didn’t know how to cope with going to sleep not telling someone else good night. Not being able to vent to that other person. It was quite rough. Drinking did not help, but it got my mind off of feeling lonely. I DO NOT ADVISE DRINKING AFTER A BREAK-UP, however if you do it, be aware of the crazy stuff you’ll say and might do. So anyway, this is the point in my life where I basically decided I was going to enjoy being single and complain about how guys are all the same. In my next blog, I’m going to share some of the lessons I learned about dating in 2013. Hope to make it there soon! There's plenty more that unfolds..dun dun dun..