Lessons Learned: This Seems A Little Like Catfish

Hi everyone! It was late as hell when I started this and I finally got around to finishing this post. This a fairly detailed account of what happened. I figured it’s been over a year since this and so felt comfortable enough to share. Enjoy!

Let’s start from last year around this time. I was newly single. I was getting back into the swing of talking to guys. I wanted to be left alone. But my girlfriend played a part in me getting back out there and just having fun. October was coming to a close and I was beginning to go out more. I was invited to a friend’s Halloween party where I met a guy. It was almost too good to be true. He was tall, dark, and handsome. Literally too nice to look at. I didn’t even really talk to him at the party. I saw him from across the room and was too afraid to start a conversation with him. I also met a girl at the party and we instantly clicked. She told me to talk to him, but I found every excuse not to. Finally he was getting ready to leave.

I had a few drinks in me and with the girl’s push, I decided to go stumbling running after him. I shouted “wait, wait!” He stopped, turned toward me and I said, “I know this is weird, but I wanted to say hi before you leave and if I could have your number.” He didn’t question it, he gave it to me. And before he left I asked him what his name was. My name is “Devin.” Now for purposes of identity confidentiality, I’m replacing his name. So off he left and that was the first time I felt like I was a bad bitch lol.

I went home that night feeling victorious and anxious. I slept it off and the day went on. Then I get a text from the new girl I met at the party a day later. She asked me if I had texted Devin. I said no, that I would wait a couple days since I didn’t want to come off as desperate. She told me if I waited too long he may forget who I was and so I contemplated back and forth and she convinced me it was better to go for it than to sit around and wait. So I went for it. I texted him, hey I don’t know if you remember me from the party the other night. He almost instantly responded. Mind you, I wasn’t and still am not big on having long ass conversations through text, but this was 2012, and so it seemed I was forced to talk through text. We made small talk, he said he was interested in getting to know me. We kept the conversation going and came to a conclusion that we would try to get together some time. It seemed too good to be true – and that would be the underlying theme with this encounter. But before we ended our conversation he had already shared with me that he had recovered from cancer. That in itself was like “whoa! you’re already sharing that with me?” “ok cool, shocker, but cool.”

Then the next night came and he texted me again. Two text conversations in a row! I was on a roll haha. Lame I know. We continued texting for another couple of weeks. We set a date to get together one night, don’t remember the exact timing, but I was excited and nervous. A day before the actual date we set, I texted to reconfirm. He never texted me back. Then the next day came and I texted him again. He texted back that he had a class and that we could reschedule. So we did. My other friend told me that it didn’t rub her the right way, and whether it was naiveté or my unwillingness to let this too-good-be-true-boy-wonder walk out of my life, I continued to hold on.

So we rescheduled and still yet again we didn’t go through with the date. The night of our rescheduled date he told me he wanted to watch a football game {big football fans down here in NOLA} so I told him ok, we could get together after he was done. He told me he would text me back…and hour after hour…I waited. He never texted me back. I was really sad, but yet I still couldn’t see it. My friend told me I couldn’t wait around and that I should fill my basket with more than just one egg – yet something I still had a hard time grasping. I kept my texting with him to a minimum. Mind you the entire time we never spoke on the phone, not even 5 minute conversation – just text. By Thanksgiving I was still interested, holding on. I got a random text saying Happy Thanksgiving and that he couldn’t wait to see me. This was my shot! He still wanted to go on a date. So I made sure to lock in a date that would be good for him. We agreed to meet up at a Starbucks in the mid-city area. Fast forward to the date. I get to the coffee shop and I call him. He tells me he’s there, but he’s nowhere around. I ask him, “wait are you at the one across from such and such?” He says no, I’m by the one near blah blah place. I was so embarrassed. He ended up going to one further down the street. So he had to turn around and meet me at the one where I was at. So we finally meet up and we order coffee. We strike up conversation about what we do and what we like to do in our spare time. We talk about what kinds of foods we like and we seem to hit it off. He then hits me with, I’m a model. BOOM! Whoa I had hit the jackpot on this one, right ladies?! WRONG! He also admitted that he had two kids! Did that stop me from wanting to still talk to him? Absolutely not. I told my friends and they all agreed, it should be a no-go, but he was so handsome, was I just going to allow my shallowness get in the way? Yes, at least not for long. So our date ended and we said our goodbyes. I told him we should definitely get together again. A couple weeks passed and me all in my feelings. I send a long ass message about how I wish we could talk more. Looking back on it now, had I fallen too fast, fallen for just a pretty face? Yes, but the lessons we learn we fall hard. He told me that he was moving to New York to work and would come see me sometime before he left. Was he really going to work out there? I don’t know, but I told him whenever he could, I’d love to get together.

Now it’s getting closer to mid-December. Mind you we’ve never talked on the phone, just texted besides our actual date. I told some friends that he was moving and they all agreed, something was fishy about this guy. We joked and said it could be a catfish situation going on. But I had already gone on a date with him. They thought it was weird that we never talked on the phone. So one day I got the courage to call him. He seemed busy and so I didn’t keep him on long. I think he was at work or something, I can’t even remember what I said. Later that week, I get a random text saying he would be in town and asked if I wanted to get together. I had already made plans but I changed them as soon as I found out he was going to be in town. My friend thought it was wrong, but I didn’t care. I was a grown woman and I did what I wanted. And so I made plans – and this is where the too good to be true reaches a climax. So we make a time and he says he’s out Christmas shopping and that after he was done we could get together. I get ready, and text him when I finish. No response. I call and no response. A few hours later he calls me and says he was shopping and that he had no reception. I brush it off and ask, “well what do you want to do now since it’s late?” He doesn’t have an answer and I suggest the movies. I pick a time and we settle on a time and agree to get there a little early so we can hang before the movie starts. We hang up and I wait until it’s closer to the time. I drive out there and wait for him. I text him that I’m already there and to tell me when he gets there. No response. I wait another 20 mins or so, and call. No answer. I wait a little while longer, it’s now past the movie time and I call again. Since he wasn’t responsive earlier, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. More than half an hour had gone by and I got no response. At that point I was frustrated, upset, and angry. I HAD BEEN STOOD UP! Me, of all people, now I’m not the best looking or perfect catch in the world, but this guy seriously had the nerve to not even tell me he wasn’t going to come! Like say, “Hey, I can’t see you or I’m not feeling this anymore,” or just whatever the hell people say when they’re not interested. Like grow some balls and be a man about it. I could have easily left him a text or voicemail saying how big of an asshole he was, but I took the high road. My final text before driving off was that it was not cool what he did and that was it.

Sorry for such a long drawn out account of this, but this is the first of a few lessons I learned about men, dating and life. Like for instance:

1. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover – no matter how beautiful or nice the book looks. This guy was handsome, he’s a model for goodness sake, but he had a LOT of baggage.
2. One red flag = plenty more red flags. Now I’m not going to judge him for having had cancer, that is a painful and life-threatening sickness, but for him to have admitted to his recovery only after texting me for a few hours, that’s a sign that he’s got a lot more to admit. Second he admitted he has kids, again not going to judge you for having kids, but me – a woman in my 20s – and you already have not one, but two kids?! Ain’t nobody got time fa dat!
3. Flaky once, flaky again – he kept rescheduling the date. Now I understand people have lives to live and things to do, but to reschedule because you want to watch a football game? My dude, you ain’t serious about going on a date! I should have just cut it off right then and there, but of course I gave it the benefit of the doubt.
4. You don’t have to always listen to your friends – but if they have a slight hunch, try your best to keep your eyes open. In the end however, the only way you can learn is by going through with it and seeing for yourself.
5. I should have had more eggs in my basket. Ladies – and some gentleman – when you’re single, learn to keep your options open. There’s nothing like focusing in on one guy and shit goes to shambles.

Well that’s it for now. My hands hurt and the more I type about this guy, it makes me mad. I mean what makes guys think women are throw aways? When did it become ok to text all the time and not have regular phone conversations? I guess I just have “old-fashioned” ways.