Do Ya Think I’m Text-y?? How to Sext Like a Grownup
How to message your way into her heart (or at least her bed).
They say sex is like pizza—that even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. Unfortunately, that time-worn analogy does not apply to dating. Having a truly fantastic date is rare enough; you don’t want to ruin it by screwing up the postdate communication. Texting the right things at the right time is practically essential to making that second date happen. So herewith, our trusty category_ide to playing it cool over text while still displaying a pulse:
Initial Timing
When you send that first text is crucial. Swingers came out almost 20 years ago, before we lived in a world of constant technological contact. There’s nothing wrong with saying you had a great time within hours—minutes, even—of parting. However: There is a creepiness window you’ll want to avoid if you miss the first timing wave. Don’t text her at 2 a.m. unless you want her to think she was merely the last stop on your Tinder tour. Nor should you be texting her right when your alarm goes off. Either contact her immediately after the date…or wait till the next afternoon.
Quality content
You just spent about five hours together. Surely in that time she mentioned a favorite band or a common saying that neither of you have ever quite understood. You can do better than “Hey. Hows yr day?” An abbreviated text not only kills her hopes for banter but also puts the onus on her to come up with something clever. Remember: There’s nothing desperate about using full sentences. And no emojis, please. You’ll make yourself sound like a Japanese teenager. You know who wants to date Japanese teenagers? Other Japanese teenagers.
Response Timing
If you happen to be holding your phone in your hand when she replies, yes, you are allowed to wait. But the game playing must stop there. Unless you are the President (in which case maybe you shouldn’t be playing the field?), there’s no excuse for taking more than four hours to respond. Phones die, emergencies arise, reception gets lost, but know that sometime between hour three and hour four, women start thinking of reasons why you weren’t so great anyway.
Getting Sexy Selfies
Sure, you’re attracted to this new girl for a multitude of reasons, but when she’s not around, it’s not her funny stories you’re fantasizing about. Here’s how to obtain photographic evidence of her hotness without seeming like a perv: Don’t ask. Don’t come out of the gate demanding a “hot” or “cute” pic. Instead, start by asking her what she’s doing or what her plans are for the day. Then, no matter what her response, write “That I’d like to see.” (Unless she says she’s going to a funeral or getting a colonic.) Once she opens the floodgates with that first pic, feel free to ask for something racier.
Moving from Tinder to Text
When you move a conversation from Tinder (or any dating app), imagine yourself as a big cat that just picked up a kitten by the scruff of her neck. You can’t just drop her into a new medium like everything’s normal. You hardly know this person. Try employing a playful “Hey, it’s me, from one of the other bubbles on your phone.” Jumping straight into “Where are you right now?” can come off as a little too intense. Remember: All of this is meant to turn her on. And that’s not gonna happen if she turns off her phone.
SOURCE: http://www.maxim.com/sex-relationships/how-sext-grownup
Da Ya Think I’m Sexy
5 Apps for Sexy Time
Whether your bedroom persona is freakish or sheepish, chances are there’s an app for that.
Sexy Vibes
Here’s a super sanitary idea: Turn your mobile phone into a vibrator. Seriously. Use Sexy Vibes to create vibration patterns and send them to your partner’s phone, or just engage in weird remote vibrator sex with an anonymous stranger through the app’s “smart matching service.” When you’re all done, simply sterilize your phone with rubbing alcohol and reevaluate your life.
Spicy Sex Wheel
Want to get really weird in the sack without her knowing what a pervert you are? Then the Spicy Sex Wheel is your ultimate wingman! Here’s how it works: Spin the wheel, perform the sexual act. Dunzo. You can also add new tasks, which means you’ll never have to casually suggest doing anal ever again. “SPICY SEX WHEEL SAID WE HAVE TO, SORRY!”
Spreadsheets
Track your performance in bed with this data tracking app, which analyzes info about your sexual encounters to reveal trends, like how often you’re getting laid and how long you last. It will even analyze how loud you and your partner get while performing the act. And we all know that volume is directly proportional to enjoyment.
iKamasutra
Discover a brave new world of sex with iKamasutra, which offers illustrations and step-by-step instructions for achieving a variety of complicated sexual positions previously reserved for wealthy businessmen and the women they paid to have sex with them. Shake the phone to choose a new position at random, and track your progress from novice to Kama Sutra Grand Master. Share new positions you’d like to try with your partner via email directly through the app – and be sure to send it to her work email and mark as urgent. Chicks love that.
Black Book App
If you’re the world’s biggest douche, then you’ll love this digital journal that records the details of your sexual escapades, including the name, picture, and contact info for each notch on your bedpost, because come on, you can’t be expected to keep track of all that shit, bro. You can also give each encounter a “pleasure rating” of up to five stars and note other relevant info, like how trashed you were during the encounter, whether you used a condom, and whether you had an orgasm. The only data you won’t need to enter is whether you’re going to hell, because, obviously.
SOURCE: http://www.maxim.com/sex-relationships/5-apps-sexy-time
Rock Your Smartphone
5 Apps for Sexy Time
Whether your bedroom persona is freakish or sheepish, chances are there’s an app for that. Sexy Vibes Here’s a super sanitary idea: Turn your mobile phone into a vibrator. Seriously. Use Sexy Vibes to create vibration patterns and send them to your partner’s phone, or just engage in weird remote vibrator sex with an anonymous stranger through the app’s “smart matching service.” When you’re all done, simply sterilize your phone with rubbing alcohol and reevaluate your life. Spicy Sex Wheel Want to get really weird in the sack without her knowing what a pervert you are? Then the Spicy Sex Wheel is your ultimate wingman! Here’s how it works: Spin the wheel, perform the sexual act. Dunzo. You can also add new tasks, which means you’ll never have to casually suggest doing anal ever again. “SPICY SEX WHEEL SAID WE HAVE TO, SORRY!” Spreadsheets Track your performance in bed with this data tracking app, which analyzes info about your sexual encounters to reveal trends, like how often you’re getting laid and how long you last. It will even analyze how loud you and your partner get while performing the act. And we all know that volume is directly proportional to enjoyment. iKamasutra Discover a brave new world of sex with iKamasutra, which offers illustrations and step-by-step instructions for achieving a variety of complicated sexual positions previously reserved for wealthy businessmen and the women they paid to have sex with them. Shake the phone to choose a new position at random, and track your progress from novice to Kama Sutra Grand Master. Share new positions you’d like to try with your partner via email directly through the app – and be sure to send it to her work email and mark as urgent. Chicks love that. Black Book App If you’re the world’s biggest douche, then you’ll love this digital journal that records the details of your sexual escapades, including the name, picture, and contact info for each notch on your bedpost, because come on, you can’t be expected to keep track of all that shit, bro. You can also give each encounter a “pleasure rating” of up to five stars and note other relevant info, like how trashed you were during the encounter, whether you used a condom, and whether you had an orgasm. The only data you won’t need to enter is whether you’re going to hell, because, obviously.
Da Ya Think I’m Sexty?