Rhoda Roc is back answering your dating questions
Rhoda Roc is back, answering some of your dating questions!
QUESTION: I’ve been dating this guy for awhile and I just found out he gave me herpes. My friends tell me herpes is rampant among the Asian Community. Is that true? And now that I’m tainted, I’m considering legal action. Honestly, I can’t get over this. I’m an emotional wreck. To make matters worse, he’s saying I gave it to him. What do you suggest?
Rhoda Roc: There are no proven statistics which states Herpes is more rampant among the Asian Community than other communities such as African Americans, Hispanics and Caucasians. It’s a worldwide epidemic and each individual is responsible for their own actions. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, about 45 million Americans ages 12 and older have genital herpes. That’s about 1 out of 5 adults. Genital Herpes is a sexually transmitted disease. It is one of the most common STDs in the United States. The best way is to protect yourself -Use a condom and limit your sexual partners.
As far as litigation is concerned that is up to you. I’ve heard of a few lawsuits over STD contraction but don’t think they are very common. Be prepared to disclose your past and present health and gynecological reports. Nothing will be sacred. If you are ok with that, then by all means I say do it. The guy violated you and knowingly and willingly gave you an incurable disease. Maybe these lawsuits will help curb the spread of STDs, since no one seems to care about who they infect and the number of infected persons is on the rise.
In the future, if you and your partner are serious about having UNPROTECTED sex, I would recommend you both get tested for any transmittable diseases before and during your sexual relationship.
QUESTION: I’ve been waiting for my boyfriend of 12 years to propose. He keeps saying one more year, year after year. Anyway, I’m busy as hell with my shoe line that I’m trying to get off the ground and don’t really have time to plan a wedding. I do love him, but I still leave my options open and date other men. Shouldn’t I be ok with not getting married? I don’t want kids.
Rhoda Roc: You might as well not get married if you are still waiting for a proposal after 12 years. He is obviously not ready and neither are you. You have your own business agenda and seem to have your hands full. You don’t seem too pleased about your boyfriend and you have an open door policy, in case something better comes along. If marriage is what you want, then you need to have a conversation with him about your future together as husband and wife.
And since you don’t want kids, you sound like you have the best of both worlds so why spoil it? Sit back and enjoy.
QUESTION: I’m a single girl dating in New York City. I have a really great job at a law firm, make six figures and use to be a Ford model. However, I can’t seem to find a boyfriend. My friends tell me that I’m too intimidating to men and that I should tone it down or downplay my accomplishments because men in general feel threatened. Do they really just want some sort of stepford wife? Gimme a break!
Rhoda Roc: You should not downplay your accomplishments. You have come a long way and worked too hard to get where you are in life. Men should not feel threatened by you. Men should be more confident and happy that they are able to snag a woman, who is beautiful, smart and successful. You will eventually find one who appreciates you for you. You should not have to be someone you are not. Did you ever think maybe YOU don’t want a guy who can’t handle a woman like you, instead of trying to change yourself? You are smarter than that. Are you hanging with the right crowd? Make sure you live, dine and hang out with people of your same stature and caliber. Have fun and enjoy life, do not worry about changing who you are especially for someone else!
Got a question for Rhoda? Leave it in the comments section and she’ll gladly get back to you!
Hi Rhoda,
I just came across the “Asiance” web site. I saw a posting by a woman in your column. I loved your response and absolutely agree with you. The question came from July 2007:
QUESTION: I’m a single girl dating in New York City. I have a really great job at a law firm, make six figures and use to be a Ford model. However, I can’t seem to find a boyfriend. My friends tell me that I’m too intimidating to men and that I should tone it down or downplay my accomplishments because men in general feel threatened. Do they really just want some sort of stepford wife? Gimme a break! (I copied it and pasted it in) Do you remember this?
Not sure if this girl is still single? I would love to meet her! I have a great job selling medical devices to surgeons in hospitals. I am somewhat tall 6’2″, told often that I am very good looking. I have lived in NYC for 3 yrs now and just turned 34. I too find it very difficult to date here. I am never intimidated by women. And I love hearing about accomplishments from all people. It’s very rewarding and motivating to me. I believe I would have great chemistry with this woman. You have my email here (tchev32@yahoo.com). Hopefully you still have this woman’s email. If she requests some pics I would certainly be happy to send some. Not sure if you were ever a matchmaker before but I appreciate you trying!
I know this is rather bold but I don’t meet woman like this at all and it sounds like she doesn’t meet men like me. I guess we have to take some risks to find success in dating. Might be happy ending story for you to write about if it does work out. Please let me know.
Thank you so much!
Todd
Is this a website for Asian American women or a place where desperate white guys can try to fufill their Asian fetish?
Yeah Todd, I’m sure the fact that this woman was a Ford model piqued your interest. How did you even come across this web site? Were you surfing for Asian porn and hit this site accidentally? You don’t even know anything about this woman.
I’ve been seeing this Asian girl, 4 months now, taking it very slow, but still haven’t even kissed yet…but thats about it, and I’m hoping to change that during the next date. She was out from a relationship when I came. Told me reasons was, the guy was seeing someone else.
anyway, recently she mentioned seeing other guy(S). Shes been open in telling me about it but actually spoke negatively about them and all they’ve been trying to throw on her, trying to circle me out from them. I’ve always played it off cool, showing her that I don’t really care. but to be honest, I’m a little jealous now. I’ve never shown it to her, but shes busy as it is and to try and get times to meet with her is tough with her school schedule. She tells me her friends say I’m nice compared to those other guys. Of recent, she invited me to her house….it went quite normal, talks, laughs, slight slaps on the shoulders..nothing spectacular happened.I got my first awkward hug with her that day. But oh well, I at least made that move.
I’m very shy when it comes to dating… I’ve never had a girlfriend before or even been on more than a few dates with a girl (I just turned 22, so I’m sort of a late bloomer). when we talk, I’m always very confident, I make playful remarks, we both laugh a lot and our personalities seem to mesh well. I’m just shy when it comes to making moves. I’ve tried holding her hands on different occasions and it worked but after a while she just let’s go (especially when we are in public), still I’ve never kissed her or anything.
what should I do? (besides the obvious of making a move on her…) she asked me if I’ve been seeing many girls and have some who are just friends, I told her I saw a few, but nothing has really developed (which is a lie… I haven’t been on any other dates, but I thought it would look pathetic if she was seeing other guys and I was only seeing her)
my last post was about going in for the first kiss, and I guess I’ve come to the realization that I just need to man up and do it, i just don’t know if I should do something before hand (like try to hug her often… or just sort of surprise her with a kiss).
guess I’m just looking for your take on this… I’m really really bad when it comes to dating (no wonder I’m still single at 22) thanks in advance for any responses!
Todd, don’t you have any pride?