The Cheat Sheet
Who said dating would be easy? Living in this city, I’ve come to realize that there are a lot of duds. I’ve met many different men while out with my girlfriends during our usual happy hour setting. It would become very routine and almost predictable. I would meet a guy. He would buy me a drink. He would say something witty and I’d laugh. At the end of the night we’d exchange numbers. After date one, I would realize what a complete dick he was. I’d sit there listening to Guy X ramble about the most mundane things. Then it occurred to me, as I forced down my third glass of wine to take off the edge, wouldn’t it be great if men came with cheat sheets?
When I first met Tyghe I didn’t have a cheat sheet. I was naturally attracted to him and he made a lasting impression. Who would have known that was just the tip of his iceberg? If I knew what kind of guy I’d be getting myself involved with, I probably would’ve passed. By checking out his “cheat sheet” I knew we wouldn’t have gotten along and he would have just driven me nuts. I could live without that.
Men should come with a pros and cons list. It would be like a cliff notes version of dating for women.
For one thing, you have to continuously remind him a million times to do something before he actually does it. He waits until the last minute to do anything you ask him to do. You can’t rely on him to do anything. So if you want anything done, you have to do it yourself. He’s reluctant to talk about his feelings. He’s not attentive. He believes romance is dead. To everyone else, he sounds like a typical guy. What can I say? Old habits die hard. But when I’m with him, it feels like everything is right where it should be. He’s incredibly funny. We make each other laugh all the time. He’s smart enough to be on Jeopardy. It still impresses me how he gets almost every question right each time. He’s affectionate. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that he has a great ass and the sex is amazing. Most importantly, he’s a good man and he treats me well. But I wouldn’t have realized all this after getting to know him. Upon reflecting, I went back to the drawing board.
Men should come with a pros and cons list. It would be like a cliff notes version of dating for women. Imagine walking into a bar, a friend’s house party, or even your local gym. You do a quick sweep of the room trying to single out the duds and studs, but you can’t figure out which one’s which. If only men had cheat sheets about themselves slapped on their foreheads. It would list all his best qualities- romantic, loves to laugh, graduated from Harvard, and enjoys traveling to Europe. Then it would list all his worst qualities- bites his nails, leaves a trail of Coke cans everywhere, doesn’t like to return phone calls, is a commitment phobe, and forgets special occasions like anniversaries. This list would help women determine if the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. That way, women would know what they would be getting themselves into. We wouldn’t have to deal with men’s fixed bad habits and pet peeves that they know they will never change. Women can save themselves the time they would spend in a relationship and wait till the next best match comes along. How simple would that be?
Every woman has an idea of what they are looking for in a man. There’s a list of prerequisites that we look for in a solid dude- comfort, stability, loyalty, something similar to a golden retriever.
Every woman has an idea of what they are looking for in a man. There’s a list of prerequisites that we look for in a solid dude- comfort, stability, loyalty, something similar to a golden retriever. How hard is it to find someone who will call after we get into a fight; someone who we can depend on. If I can’t sleep at night, I want to know that he’ll be around to pick up my phone call at 3 o’clock in the morning. He won’t be mad for waking him up from his sleep. We want spontaneity and romance, someone who will surprise us with flowers one day just because. We want a guy who actually gives a shit and makes his relationship a priority.
Although these qualities in a man are important to me, is it fair to put what I want secondary so long as I’m satisfied in the relationship? So what if he’s not romantic? Sentiment is not his thing. He has a knack for forgetting to call back when he said he would. He may not always say the right thing, but we care for each other. We value each other’s companionship. There is love rooted in the relationship. That should be enough, right? It’s a known fact that men can’t change but when feelings are developed and invested it’s easy to look pass our man’s flaws. Does this mean we’re settling for less? Should we try to adjust our standards to make a relationship work? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do anyway? Otherwise, you’ll never be satisfied with any relationship you have if you’re constantly trying to alter it to your liking. As much as you want him to be the man you want him to be, you can’t change that. That’s why we’re with the one we’re with, because of who he is.
Relationships are not always that simple. Unfortunately for us, men don’t come with cheat sheets. We have to take that plunge and dive into that nasty dating pool with our hearts first. If I had a cheat sheet for every guy I met then I’d probably never would’ve gone to my prom, missed my first kiss, and cried after my first break up. I’d be at home with my golden retriever and I don’t need him to know where my g-spot is. That’s for Tyghe, and he found my g-spot after making it up for not taking my 3 AM call.
Check out Elysia’s MyAsiance page my.asiancemagazine.com/elysia
I’ve been following this column for a bit and all I can say is Pathetic! Do you really think Tyhe thinks as much about this as you? Seems like you will settle for all he will offer you, while you make up and accept his equally pathetic behavior. I bet if you put your foot down, he would walk..He’s just into you for the easy sex and really doesn’t give 2 thoughts about your feelings. So start dating someone else and report about it..and give him some crap..this is too typical of a desperate woman doing anything for a man…BORING!
The reason there is a white man in the pictures is because the author is dating a white guy. Why don’t you try reading her column.
Laura,
You spelled Tyghe’s name wrong. It’s not “Tyhe” dumbass. Do you have a boyfriend? Could explain your bitterness.
Is this magazine for real? Why is every dating image (picture) on this site of a white man and an Asian woman? What kind of message are you guys trying to send to young Asian females?
Are the writers here try to further divide the Asian American community or trying to bring it together? Is the magazine’s agenda to create even greater gender gap between Asian American men and women?
You will soon feel the wrath of the Angry Asian Man Dot Com.
….I’ve been perusing this website and this is like the 3rd picture I’ve seen showing Asian women being paired with a white man.
This is absolutely disgusting. The internalized racism inherent in these images is only exceeded by the level of indirect racism directed at Asian Men.
If you were truly “colorblind”, then where are the pictures of Asian Women with Black Men? Oh yes, that’s right, because white is right, correct?
Why don’t you try paying for advertising instead of trying to get traffic to your lameass website..No one likes your site besides uptight, fugly, small dick, unable to get ANY women Asian guys.. f off and go somewhere else. You are not wanted here!
Oh! And Randy, the answer is Yep! That’s right! You must be a very brite little guy. BRB, . . .
that most Whorientals will prefer white trailer trash like the guy in the photo, over an educated asian man.
Most,if not all Flips just want to marry someone who will help support their 50 lazy-assed relatives in the Philippines.
How these incredible and magnificent beautifully complex woman you so easily slander and refer to as “whorientals” have had about as much of your *ucked up it’s-a-little-dick-insecure-man’s culture as they can stand. Your day is done, dude! At least it is here in the States and Europe. I know and have known many Asian woman of all ages and they all have one thing in common, they mostly see the guys of their varied races as arrogant underperforming inconsiderate rude untrustworthy philandering little narcissistic pricks who prefer to just jerk-off on their faces and burns their tits with candle wax than treat them with the love and respect they desire and more important, deserve. The pissed off little Asian man club has an image problem with the girls of their own skin. For thousands of years and to this day, you clowns failed to see what you had and mostly treated the Asian woman in your lives as if they were, like as you say, “whorientals.” Well they are not whores, asshole! You morons enjoyed a competition free monopoly on the pussy in your midst, but over here, the American Asian Woman or even just the Asian Woman in America have choices and it looks like they are making them, freely. Youre still the underdog, and always will be and that pisses you off. It’s going to take much more than staying up late with the books to impress Daddy with a Degree or two to undue the century’s of damage done to your collective image among your own woman. You seem to think Asian woman are an entitlement for Asian men; sorry, not here. My advice to you is stop complaining like some pathetic little wish-I-was-a-white-guy, and start treating the Asian girls and woman in you own life with respect and admiration.
Wow! Could not have said it better myself! Thank you! And they keep coming to this site which celebrates independent successful Asian women, just to bash. Get A LIFE You ANGRY ASIAN MEN!!
While there are tons of Asian men who are jerks, why do Asian American women always attribute their race as a primary cause of this?
Are we unaware that there lies men of every race who mistreat women?
What makes me cringe at these types of articles and magazines is that this topic always ends up being an Asian man/women bash fest. While Asian men do need to take part of the blame, why are we, as Asian American women, so quick to excuse Asian women as also being part of the problem. Sun Fan is a perfect example. She wants respect but turns around and refuses to give it.
People such as Sun Fan aren’t the types to listen to anyone which is dangerous because listening is the most primitive form of love. This speaks tons about her personality.
Also, to previous comment that attempt to place all the blame on Asian men, why are you so quick to defend Asian women?
There are tons of Asian American women who have adopted this sense and attitude that white men are superior simply for being white. Self hatred is a very real problem and for you to place blame in solely one direction is dangerous and inaccurate.
In closing, both those posts are either made by racist white men trying to stir up trouble or racist and bitter Asian women who have an axe to grind.
But I do indeed have an honest question, why do almost all the pictures on this site involve white men? I’d figure that in an Asian American woman’s magazine, the main male feature would be Asian men. In mainstream magazines which are directed towards white women, almost all the men are white which is expected.
Is it something deeper? Do you somehow feel that Asian women need to have their lives legitimized by dating a white man? You claim that you’re trying to cator to the Asian American female but I honestly think you’re completely offtrack.
If you are indeed offtrack, me and my other female friends must be oddballs since we all went out of our way to find that romantic Asian guy.
Oh now we have Lucas trying to pose as an Asian Female. Nice try! First it was as a White Man and now Jules as an Asian Female. If you are going to do that, you should think about rearranging your writing style a little bit. Nice try though.
Sun Fan is a white guy! Trust me..
And she does not date an Asian guy. If she does, he is not a man.
I love this guy named ‘Two Asian-Girl and a white guy.’ Man you must think you are Austin Powers. I got Fuk Me and Fuk You.
Please dude, you need to stop preaching here. I have known many guys like you in the military when I was stationed in Korea and Japan. You guys have all the same lines, and the same bullshit you feed to Asian women, as it is a way to get laid. Trust me all guys are the same. I use it.
Sure I hate to see my fellow Asian men complain about this and I agree that they need to stop this and move on. Who should care about other peoples dating habits? It is his/her choice. If I like a Latino woman, so what! But I love my Asian women. They are beautiful, strong, intelligent…and they are truly amazing women.
Why are there so many White men posting on Asian sites? I don’t understand this at all. Just because you like ramen or rice or had sex with an Asian girl, does not mean you are Asian. Loving a culture does not mean you will totally understand it. To understand it, you need to be Asian.
What did you say?
“Just because you like ramen or rice or had sex with an Asian girl, does not mean you are Asian. Loving a culture does not mean you will totally understand it. To understand it, you need to be Asian.”
That has got to be the dumbest-ass comment I’ve ever read! So congratulations Moron, you win the Big Prize.
Try a little harder next time.
Mr. Austin Powers -aka- Just a Two Asian Girl White-Guy. Question – are you Asian? Dumbest thing about this is you being in this site. Your not Asian dude, and stop preaching here. Even if some guys here are out of control and may harm your manhood. Yes.. I will state it again to you. Yes, you love ramen or rice or had sex with an Asian girl does not entitle you to be an expert in Asian culture. And you should deserve a prize for such a stupid handle NAME. Dang! White boy going crazy.
to Love my Asian women,
Actually the “REAL” Two Asian-Girl White-Guy is really an Asian American woman, and them some TOOL Aka Angry Asian Man who has been bashing women all over this site decides to take her moniker and post such comments as the one right above yours.. He’s not a white dude.
i think he might be a white man…either way, I like his attitude towards Asian Women. I thought I saw him/her clarify what he was on another post.. MY BAD!! I agree with you Just a Two Asian-Girl White-Guy!!!!
Sun Fan – You claim to date Asian man yet you are relentless in your bashing of Asian men and support of ignorant white men. To the Just two whatever, you are truly a moron. Do you bother to read the news? There are stories of white men beating/cheating/raping women all the time. You think white men are all wonderful and Asian men are all not? Are you really that clueless? Who are the people that created all the anti interracial marriage laws throughout USA history? It sure was not was Asian men. You think it is cool to want to be with some Asian woman while totally disrespecting her brothers and her father and grandfather? What kind of pathetic Asian woman are you going after? No proud Asian woman would want to be with a loser like you. Sadly some of the stupid women on this site probably believe all the brainwashing. Sun Fan you are truly an idiot. I hope your Asian BF (if you are Asian) see you for who you are and get the hell away from you as fast as he can. There are plenty of women out there who actually appreciate a good Asian man vs. all the non-sense this site is spreading.
aka all the other angry asian man monikers on this site.
we get it.. You hate being Asian..My boyfriend has tons of asian male friends just like you. It’s so obvious the issue.. My boyfriend and I talk about it all the time..see we can see right through you. You hate being asian..we get it. Move on!
All I got to say to you is you obviously don’t read. I have no idea where you get the idea from that some of us don’t want to be Asian. It is quite the contrary. We are sick of people like this site who promote racist behaviors while many of us are out there fighting the racism in the USA. It is really stupid to see some Asians (or claim to be) that just don’t get it or refuse to accept some of the facts people have been writing.
Sun Fan – you need to move up or STFU cause you bring nothing to any discussion.
Her (a white guy or if she is Asian, her boyfriend has no clue) comments are always the same…but she does point out that there are a lot of Asian men who are angry, and I don’t agree with them on how they express their feelings. But they do have some arguements. Again, they just need to work on how they express it. Then again, you have people like Sun Fan aka white dude who does not help either. I love Asian women for what they are. That is why so many white, black, Latino men are interested in Asian women. But most of them have other intentions–will not go into details.. Then again, we men are all same. The point is that there is racism in American and the world, and what I see is that a lot of Asian women are not helping, but causing more rift between an already hot issue amongst Asian men and women.
YOUR comments are always the same…it’s obviously the same 2 Angry Asian Men posting over and over.. this site promotes white men asian women relationships, Asian women are whorientals..White Men can’t like an Asian woman for who she is..blah blah blah. We heard it..over and over.. We get it..My view..You’re a tool, find something constructive to do..I know plenty of Asian men like you and it is HIGHLY unattractive. We can see it from a mile away.. and sorry gay-wad, I’m an Asian woman,,,stop fantazing about me being a guy! case closed
All I got to say is being ignorant and stupid is HIGHLY unattractive, at least to most guys I know. You can take it anyway you like.
Arguing with Sun Fan is like arguing with the Village Idiot. Please!
Don’t waste your time. However, please continue to rip apart this whiteman-worshipping-website so one day, in my prayers, it will disappear…
I think what Sun Fan is saying is that:
1.) If they’re bitter and angry, I have an excuse to date white men!
2.) If they’re good and secure, they won’t mind if I date white men!
It’s win win! Look, if all you date is white men, go ahead but stop turning your vice into a virtue. WE notice that a mile away as well.
I think what Sun Fan is saying is that:
1.) If they’re bitter and angry, I have an excuse to date white men!
2.) If they’re good and secure, they won’t mind if I date white men!
It’s win win!
I think what I’m saying is 1) I am dating an Asian guy 2) he’s not bitter like you and all these other angry tools posting all over this site and 3)regardless of your race, you could be white for all I care, I would never date a nasty, no-life loser like you who keeps using different names yet repeating the same rant all over this site..see I wouldn’t date a Loser like you.. so yay! win-win for me! Btw – running to go to the movies with my HOT, UNAFFECTED ASIAN BOYFRIEND!
See, this is where reading comprehension comes into play. Of course I’m the same person. I think that would be clearly indicated since I’m using the same handle “Eric.”
However, the problem comes into play when there are other people posting under numerous different handles of which you still dismiss as “the same person” just because they point out holes in your arguments. The fact of the matter is that you simply can’t and won’t understand another perspective unless it agrees with you.
On short, all you look for are bobbleheads that nod to whatever you say and when someone does argue with you, your rebuttal consists of nothing but buzzwords and catch phrases that resemble a high school student.
Also, you haven’t read a word anyone has said. The argument isn’t that there are 1-2 topics or pictures, the whole magazine and website is absolutely peppered with them. Also, the rational behind the argument that Asian women are absolutely at fault for creating “Angry Asian Men” syndrome has already been proven in the fact that this type of white male worshiping behavior has been pointed out in other Asian American female publications. I’m not sure why people even addresses you or takes you seriously but then again, I think that’s the only thing that keeps traffic coming to this site. There have been many people here who have posted stupid comments and those should indeed be ignored. However, there have also been some very polite and cordial comments of which you still dismiss as trivial or stupid. Your condescension in itself proves the typical “Angry Asian Woman With An Axe To Grind.”
You never come up with anything constructive to add at all. Do you talk simply because it’s your turn to talk or because you have something constructive to add?
Eric, nice posts.. And unlike Sun ‘I am a gay white man’ Fan – who is dating an Asian guy.. Now I get it. I don’t get this dude, saying this site is for promoting Asian men and White men relationship. Wow!! Let me go back, first I am not an Angry Asian Man as she keeps up bringing up…I think this is her only comment besides that we can not get laid. She..oh I am sorry…He is quite funny. Inhind sight I love Asian women and I like to see this site promote Asian men and Asian women relationship. I am not bitter about Asian women dating white men..hey it is their chose and life – so who cares…and I am sorry about other Asian men who post there anger here. Sun Fan you just don’t get…Be proud of being white male, and quite posting as an Asian female…see ya dude.
Based on the body of her columns, this writer is a complete idiot, constantly making self-racist generalizations about men of her own race while bending over backwards to ignore or explain away the faults of her White Prize(s).
If you read her posts it’s clear she’s an Uncle Tom, self hating, White worshipping individual who will say or do or think anything to make her worldview work for her, without any honest introspection.
To be honest, I’d rather some poor Asian guy not have to deal with her, she is a basket case.
i do not object interracial dating, however, i do object generalization of races and stereotyping of gender. the writer of this article obviously have done both against asian men, and have done so under the disguise of feminism. However, if we, asian men, want to voice our dissent against her self loathing practices, we should do so without making misogynistic comments because we’ll just fall right into her trap of smearing the images of asian men.