E-mails from my Mother

In my freshman year of college, I made my mother a Gmail account and our relationship has never quite been the same. In my freshman year of college, I made my mother a Gmail account and our relationship has never quite been the same.

– – –
October 1, 2007
Dear Mei Mei
How is weekend? Is everything ok?
I look LV’s website I found out one handbag It look nice. here Can you look it ,See what your suggestion. I am so suprise, Mark said he want to buy LV bags for chrismas gifts, How nice brother he is. Anyway I am very happy , he can think both of us.
Take care.

Mom

Is her space bar broken? Since when did she learn how to link something? The next time I see her, she might whip out CTRL+C or God forbid, ALT+TAB. Looks like I’m getting a bag for Christmas. Woo-wee. I am very happy my brother can “think both of us too.”

– – –
October 8, 2007
Dear Mei,
How is you everything?
if Helen askwhere I buy the paint ( in kitchen), you just told her you forget it. i don’t want they buy same paint as me.
Do you see mark’s passport? he can’t find it at school, i can’t find it in our house too.
take care

Mom

I guess having the same eggplant-shaded kitchen could be unfortunate. And it is a somewhat more legitimate concern than the time she told me not to tell Helen where she bought her napkin holder. I mean, if all our kitchen décor started looking the same as Helen’s, our family friends might, you know, judge us.

… And they wonder where I get my silly jealousy complex from.

– – –
Two weeks later, San Diego catches fire. I tell her I’m coming home.

October 22, 2007
DEAR MEI, OK
I LOVE TO YOU? BUT HOW COME YOU COME HOME? TAKE PLANE OR SOMETHING? EXPENSE!

MOM

Hmm, clearly I’m unwanted at home. Despite what one might interPRET AS CONCERN, SHE HAS REALLY JUST ACCIDENTALLY HIT CAPS LOCK.

– – –
I tell her that our RA has instructed us not to leave our apartments unless absolutely necessary. Several hours later, a concerned mother’s afterthought arrives via my inbox.

October 22, 2007
if you can’t go out how can you guys eat?

Mom

– – –
November 16, 2007
Dear Mei,
How are you? i didn’t see you on line for past two days, Is everything ok? Midterm is finished, you can go to sleep for all weekend.and prepare to see you lovly Mom on Thanksgive Day.

Mom

It was my birthday weekend, Mom. If you had talked to me online, it would have gone something like HIMAFMAHHIHIHII MAMAMA!!! LOVE YOU! LOVELOVE LVOE! DRUNKZIEIEEE SDFJKLJDSFLKJ!!!!!

– – –
It’s almost Chinese New Year. I think this is the first time I’ve celebrated Chinese New Year without the family and the seven-course feast. As always, she knows exactly how to make me feel at home.

February 2, 2008
Dear Mei,
For Rice cake you need material as below
(1) Rice cake powder-you can buy it on Ranch 99 is made in Japan,it’s white box and print blue letter on it
(2) 3 eggs
(3) milk 3 cups
(4) 1.5 cup sugar
(5) 1tsp baking soda
(6) butter 1/2 cup
you can beat eggs first and melt butter then put all material together , mixed it untiil it smoth thenpre heat oven 375 cocked about 50 mimutes, use toothstick or folk to put in ,if nothing with it then it’s done
enjoy it
love you
Wish you have happy chinese new year and whole year lucky and happy and health.

Mom

(She is either slightly dyslexic or extremely fobby. I’m 99% positive it’s the latter. Try the recipe, I promise it’s delicious. But don’t “cock” anything while you’re at it.)

– – –
February 11, 2008
Dear Mei,
How are you? I didn’t see you in Skpye on past two days, is everything fine?
I will be leave Bali this morning amd arrival on Taipei around 7:00 PM, I will try to spyke you on line if you open your computer. Conrad Hotel is similar with Shronton I lived before, It’s very nice, yesterday we went to Rizt Carton to do water spa, it’s very good I told Dad i will bring you and mark with us vext and we will live in Rizt Caton, It’s very beauity hotel, you will love it, but they don’t have beach connect with hotel. in anyway we have very good vacation with Bali Island. talk you later.

Mom

I think being overseas throws off not only her internal clock but also her finger aim. She will try to “spyke” me online. That doesn’t sound very safe. And ha, they had a “good vacation with Bali Island”… as if the island co-participated in the fun. How do her real estate clients understand this mumbo-jumbo?

– – –
Sometimes, she gets a little needy. Just a tad, you know? But what good mother doesn’t?

April 1, 2008
MEI, ARE YOU IN YOU APRTMENT!!!!

MOM

… So I taught her how to chat online. We’re in a whole new e-world of fun now.

April 7, 2008
Maree Wu: 15:15:22
Dear Mei,
Teresa: 15:15:42
what’s up
Maree Wu: 15:15:55
I got you credit card statement it’s 197.78, Oh a lot
Teresa: 15:16:07
sorry… I had expensive books this quarter
Maree Wu: 15:16:21
also you eat a lot too
Teresa: 15:16:28
sorry
Teresa: 15:16:30
will eat less
Maree Wu: 21:09:46
how is your interview?
Teresa: 21:09:52
good i think
Maree Wu: 21:10:05
only one person talk to you?
Teresa: 21:10:08
yea
Maree Wu: 21:18:20
what’s question he ask? or she
Teresa: 21:19:53
ummmm just the same old stuff
Maree Wu: 21:25:40
is girl or boy
Teresa: 21:25:49
girl
Maree Wu: 21:26:00
younger or older
Teresa: 21:27:04
why so many questions???
Maree Wu: 21:27:31
nothing just boar
Teresa: 21:27:42
bored** not boar
Maree Wu: 21:33:18
ok good night, my sweet heart, love you

Good night, Mom. Love you too.
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Born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area, Teresa is now an undergraduate Communication major at UC San Diego. A first-generation Taiwanese-American, she crushed any hope that her parents had for a doctor/lawyer daughter early on. She writes, blogs, and spends altogether too much time on the internet. Read more from her at www.teresawu.wordpress.com.