The Wait to Great Sexpectations

So you’ve been out on a few dates with a potential new beau, you’ve really hit it off, and the chemistry is definitely there. Could it be you’re even starting to fall in love? Okay, let’s not jump the gun here. Maybe you’re just looking for some ass tonight? Either way, you’re having topsy turvy feelings and you eventually want to take it up a notch. To sleep or not to sleep with someone on the first date (or on the second or third or fourth) is a major decision. Yet between husky whispers, succulent kisses and panties on the floor, the decision often becomes a mere afterthought. When you’re having sizzling love affairs, how long should two people wait to sleep with each other before they get to know one another first? More importantly, what can you expect when it comes to sex with a new partner?

For some, it could only take a few strong cocktails, an impressionable outfit, and a bathroom stall. People have trouble resisting opportunity, especially with someone who wants to get naughty. The other part of the dating pool, however, may take up to days, weeks, even months before they finally decide that the time is right to sleep with each other. Is there a certain time frame that you place on a relationship before you decide to hop in their bed?

I once dated a guy named Drew. He was smart, witty, and gorgeous. He also had really sexy arms. We met at a bar on the Upper West Side and we instantly clicked. Since then we began to call each other every day and exchanged emails. Then he finally asked me out on our first date. The first date went so well that we went on a second. By the second date I wanted him in my bed. Pronto. Heck, when I first saw him at the bar, I wanted to sleep with him. We were coming to the end of our night when he realized he missed his last train home to Westchester. We were just a few blocks away from my apartment. How could I resist not inviting him back up? The feelings and the temptation were there but it was too soon. I kept thinking, “Would it seem too fast to invite him back to my apartment after only the second date?”, “Would he think I’m too easy?” or “Should I hold out longer?” Some will never know. As much as I wanted to sleep with Drew that night, I felt like it wasn’t the right time. Still, just because we couldn’t have sex didn’t mean we couldn’y do other things, like spoon. With a body like Drew’s (did I mention about how sexy his arms were?), I certainly wasn’t going to pass the opportunity to have him sleep over.

On our third date we met for dinner in the East Village at my favorite Moroccan restaurant called Zerza’s. We were having a great time talking about our interests, hobbies, and experiences. I couldn’t help but hang on to his every word. I was undeniably and utterly attracted to him. The way he looked at me, the clean scent of his cologne, his smile, his lips- it was intoxicating. And I wanted more. At that moment, out of nowhere, he leaned across the table and kissed me. Then he uttered the magic words: “What do you say if we go back to my place?” I was psyched and admittedly, kind of nervous. I don’t know why I tried to make it more difficult for myself to say yes. I kept coming up with excuses not to go back with him even though I really wanted to. I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe I was putting out too fast if I were to say yes.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” I said, “I have work tomorrow.” Mind you that he lives upstate (anything past the Bronx I consider upstate) and I live all the way downtown. “I don’t have clothes. How am I supposed to get ready and get to work on time?”

“I have a car. Whatever time you need to leave the next morning, I’ll make sure you get back to your apartment with enough time to get to work,” he responded. The idea was extremely appealing. How could I possibly say no?

“I don’t have a toothbrush.” God. What a lame excuse. I could hear my raging hormones yelling at me. Who the fuck cares about your toothbrush?! He’s inviting you back to his apartment for hot sex tonight and all you care is about your toothbrush!
“I’m sure we can take care of that,” he responded.

“I don’t have anything to sleep in.” Okay, now you’re just coming up with excuses.

“Was that an invitation or another excuse for you not to come back with me?”

Of course I went back home with him. We immediately got our check and headed straight to his place.

On the way to his place all I could think about was what I was getting myself into. Sure, he was good on paper but what if the sex wasn’t all what I thought it would be. When it comes to sex with a new partner, you never know what to expect. Will it be good or will it be God awful? How big is he? What if he’s “inadequate?” Would I need a weed whacker to find his dick?

By the time we got to his apartment, we forgot all about the toothbrush and the pajamas. The night that unfolded at Drew’s apartment was, well, suffice it to say that by dawn, we looked like a couple of happy kids who’d trampolined the feathers out of an old feather bed. All my sexpectations were met when I discovered that he was perfectly well endowed.

There are some men that stand out in our lust-distorted memories as having been especially, adequate. Don’t worry. Not all of us lie back and criticize your every finger motion and tongue flick. It’s just that having sex for the first time with a new partner can rock your world. It can also, when it’s not so good, make you want to curl up under your covers and grab your trusty vibrator.

But it’s not all about our gratification; it’s also about getting to know the guy we’ve been fantasizing about. Is he experienced? Is he too experienced? (And is there such a thing?) Is he adventuresome? Ticklish? Into being tied up and having their body spread with peanut butter and jelly? And while every girl has her preferences in bed (I have a thing for peanut butter and jelly), there are tons of similarities about what floats a guy’s boat (or puts an iceberg in his pants) during that first liaison.

As for Drew and our hot sex romps, that ended quickly when I found that he wasn’t into peanut butter and jelly.