Finding the Right Man for you – Dating Advice

When my editor gave me a book, that someone had sent to me titled “Finding the Right Man For You: Dating Advice for Women”, I almost choked on my coffee. Oh is that it hun? Another self help book for the woman? How can I get a dirty, slut, pig of a man to want me? Is that what this is all about? I sure as hell hoped it contained information on women respecting themselves. If not, I did not want to read it. Of course after the first sentence, I wanted to throw it in the GAR- BAGE.

It started like this:
Edge out the competition

Are you serious right now? Since when did landing a man involve a boxing match? I don’t think so honey! Snap, Snap!

It continued:
There are millions more women looking for a partner, than men looking for a mate. Women over thirty-five face further competition from younger women, and limit their choices even more, (AHHH 35! It’s hopeless, just throw in the towel, your life is ova!) by wanting a man to fit into a narrow age range, (Would not agree with that) to be at least three inches taller (not necessarily), be Jewish (tiny peckers need not apply), or be Catholic (he’ll do), be open to living with pets, and often much more. The result: an already limited supply of men gets shrunken to a smaller universe to choose from.

I love it! This must have been written by a man. Only a man would try to use a woman’s age against her in order to scare her into grabbing the next and last thing she could get.

Since when are men the be all – end all prize in life? Just because you have a man, does not mean you are happy. It seems that the American culture puts so much emphasis on a woman catching a man. Where did all the hunters go? Have men been so accustomed to be chased that they have lost the innate ability to hunt for their prey?

I know married women, who support their man financially, gave him an ultimatum to propose, accept his cheating behavior, stalked him until he relented and women who even proposed themselves. Is this how it’s supposed to be? All the women mentioned above know who they are.

If you have to give someone an ultimatum or pursue a man it’s not going to work for the long haul. It’s starting the “relationship” on the wrong foot. Unless men have evolved since the 50’s, he’ll never think he caught you and will always be unsettled. I’m sorry to report that but in reality…..you were easy.

But let’s get down to the nitty, gritty. Shouldn’t the book be titled something like, “How to live you life to the fullest potential”? Make yourself happy. Then the man will find you. He should find you! Your main objective in life is not to “find the right man”.

Finding a man is not supposed to be a job!
First of all, the divorce rate is hovering around 60%. The second time around is usually better for a woman. Whenever you see a big rock on a woman’s hand, you know she’s at least the second wife. You are getting a man who knows commitment and he still wants it with you. He will be a better partner. You don’t have to worry about giving him children. He most likely has them already.

Any man who tells women, they need to watch their age is to make themselves feel better. Those men are most likely old men, who are unattractive, short, homely and balding. They think they can force women into thinking that they are the best thing that is going to come their way. They think that by pushing age as a factor so hard (and believe me it’s been done to be a few times. I’m barely 30!) that it is going to have me reconsider them.

And think about who is running the media in the country? Short, ugly, fat, bald guys like Harvey Weinstein. They’re telling us that we’re over the hill at 30 and will have no other options. These men, that are telling every woman that they need to settle down by the time they are 30, are they same fat, horny, balding men that think they can get a supermodel with a Harvard MBA and a trust fund. Let me ask: What do you have to offer?

Why is it that some of the most beautiful women in the world are not getting married early? Did you ever think about it? Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Aniston, Michelle Pfeifer arre all waiting. Not every woman is desperate and are just willing to take whatever they can get. That’s a newsflash for all ya men who think so.

Let’s delve and dissect the “Ten Ways to Find the Right Man – A Husband or a Partner” in this book.

The problem is that there are many more women looking for the right man than there are suitable men. Ha Laughable!

1. Meet More Men
How many men have you met in the last month? It’s very important to put yourself in situations where you are going to meet many more men. That can not only lead you to the right man directly, but to men you could meet him through: someone he’s related to, someone he works with, or one of his personal friends.

I agree with this. It is always good to find MORE MEN. You’re only as desperate as your options ladies! Get yourself out there!

2. You Talk First
Don’t wait for men to talk to you. You talk first! Make small talk. Get things started. If you are friendly with men and they have an interest, they should be able to pick up the ball. Pay attention to chance meetings and to serendipitous events: standing in line, running into someone you haven’t seen for a long time, someone who’s interesting you see in a museum or on a walk or run.

NOT! Men take that as a sign you want them because about 90% of the women do this. Let him chase you. Let him come talk to you. Men need to start working for it. They all seem to want us to fall over with our legs in the air.

3. Take A Hard Look At Your Requirements
It’s only normal to have them, but the more stringent they get, the more men you are going to eliminate from an already narrow pool. Look for character. That will provide a myriad of benefits. Look for what’s going to help make you happier and make a real difference in your life in the long run. Don’t get hung up on height, how much hair a guy has, religion -unless that is critical to you, age and similar characteristics. If you’re over thirty-five, try expanding your age preference seven years on both sides past what you have now. You might get some nice surprises.

I don’t know about you, but if I have chemistry with a man, most of my requirements go out the window, besides financial stability and cheating, of course.

4. Improve Your Appearance
Men are attracted by a nice appearance and a nicely dressed woman. Dress up more. Very few women do. You will really stand out from the crowd — and that’s just what you want to do. You need to give yourself as many edges as you can. You’ve got a lot of competition. This isn’t just about men looking for young, shapely women. Doesn’t what a man looks like make a difference to you? Well it does to men too — even more.
Lose weight if you have to. First, for your own long term health benefit and the benefit of the man who’s going to love you. He’s going to want to be with you for a long time. Secondly, to make you more appealing. It might not be fair, but it’s true: a woman who gets her weight into a more acceptable range is going to attract more attention, presuming other appearance details are taken care of too. Look at Jennifer Hudson. She’s very likely the same nice, pleasant woman she was before she lost the weight she lost, but now a lot more of her natural beauty shines through. It can for you too.

I always look hot. There is no need for men or me to worry about that! Where’s the love? What about a man loving you for you. Lose weight. How dare you?! I meet so many fat slob men who think their mate should have the most perfect body. Look in the mirror! Seriously, whether you want to or not, you should exercise somewhat. It is good for stress!

5. Move Ahead. Don’t Stay Stuck
Don’t let a bad divorce experience or the death of a partner keep you mired in upset and sadness. You still have a whole lot of living to do, no matter how old you are. Focus on your future and take action to create the best one you can. Don’t stay stuck in the past. The only one living there is probably you. Like great running backs in football: “Run for daylight!” As long as you stay in the game, you can make a difference for yourself and for the man you find. There is a man out there looking for someone just like you. Do your part and make it easier for him to find you.

Agreed!

6. Use Online Dating
The internet is one of the most revolutionary developments since the Industrial Revolution. Don’t walk when you can run. Let efficiency work for you. Get over any problems you have with it or have had with it. You are holding yourself back. I met my wife and a former partner both on the internet after I was over 57. I was the lucky one in both cases. If you had problems with online dating in the past, take a look at what caused the problems and just select more carefully next time. Where else can you scope out 100-200 men in an hour? You can’t ignore a resource that buys you that. It would probably take you years to meet that many men in other ways.

Agree to a certain extent. Basically men are seeing what you look like on paper here. I think you’ll only find men who are into superficial means. Men think with their dicks. They’re generally going to look for younger woman without giving you a chance, no matter how hot you are at age 35, even if he is 15 years older. Or you’ll meet some sort of serial killer. Proceed with caution!

7. Use Dynamite Photos and Write A Captivating Personal Statement
Excellent photos are very important. It’s what stops traffic. You have to stop traffic first before you can cross the street to get what you’re looking for. Take a look at some of the photos that other women have posted. How many of them are exceptional? It’s a very small percentage. Here’s a good way to make yourself really standout with a few natural, not hand on the chin or behind the head, photos.

Take time to write an excellent personal statement too and answer questionnaires thoroughly. Some women take little or no time to do it. Distinguish yourself by writing a personal statement where you share honest feelings about the man you’re looking for and indicate what kind of life you’re hoping to share with the right man. Open up your heart. You will touch the hearts of the right men if you do.

And again. Trying to impress. Proceed with caution!

8. Be Open To Moving If You Can
Being willing to go where a man already is, or to a new place together, can really increase the number of potential candidates. Saying that you would be willing to move for the right man can greatly increase the number of responses you get. You can be searching all over the US and Canada (I’d be careful of foreign destinations when dealing with strangers),instead of just searching within 25 miles of your home. Any flexibility can help, even if you’re only willing to move to a different part of your state.

You have got to be kidding me? Why doesn’t his ass move? Why is the woman the one who always has to be prepared, make sacrifices and uproot her life? Next!

9. Be Patient and Be Happy With or Without a Man
It can take time to find the right man. It takes a whole lot longer if you don’t work at it consistently. Searching can get old after a while, so the better job you do of it and the more you apply yourself to the task, the sooner you’re going to get results. In the meantime, be happy and do things you enjoy. Look at the good things you already have in your life and be grateful for them. Sometimes when you just go forward leading your reasonably happy life, you might be surprised to meet the man you were looking for. Stay active and get out of the house. You’re never going to meet anyone there, unless you’re on the internet looking.

Yes.

10. Believe
It is never too late to find love in your life. I’ve heard women in their sixties and seventies sound like they’re all washed up, never expecting to meet anyone. If you keep thinking like that, you’re going to be right. My father was married to my mother for 48 years when she died. He re-married ten months later at the age of 74. My stepmother was 75. They had 13 happy years together.

Yeah after you break reality to us that we’re over the hill by 30. Ladies, you have until 30 and then you are going to need to start reading self help books. Whhhaaat… Poor us!
Your homework ladies is to read a book that I prefer, “Women Have All The Power: Too Bad They Don’t Know It”, by Michael Lockwood http://www.amazon.com/Women-Have-Power-They-Dont/dp/0615166164

We will discuss that book in another column!