Why him, why her? Does everyone have a soulmate?

I was out at a club on Friday night and I wasn’t happy. Half the people in the dimly lit room were kissing (drunken and sloppy), others were looking fearful and forlorn (as their eyes darted around the room in the desperate hope that someone drunken and sloppy out there would look their way) and the rest were asking me where my “boyfriend” was.

I smiled, sculling the rest of my Jack Daniels. “Oh you will,” they said. “It’s just around the corner. Guaranteed. Really? Is it really guaranteed that you’ll find true love and live happily ever after?

The truth is that I meet diverse groups of people all the time. And it always intrigues me to discover that everyone has different views about whether or not there’s such a thing as a soul mate or “the one”.

Will everyone find true love? I have met first and ideal love. Or are some of us doomed to be single forever?

While many are enthusiasts and believers who are living hopeful that true love is indeed “just around the corner”, there are the cynical among them who aren’t entirely sure if they’ll ever meet someone. Ever.

“Not all of us are going to have happy endings,” that only happens in classic movies. One girlfriend told me over pizzas the other day. “Some of us are just not ever going to be happy in a relationship sense … ever.”

What?! No hope at all? “No, I’m getting old and have dated way too many men to believe in any of it. For some of us, it’s just never going to happen.”

Her negative sentiment reminded me of the results I read about from an American poll last year for AOL Living and Women’s Day, which found that a staggering 50 per cent of women regretted marrying their husbands; 52 per cent conceded they did not believe in the fairy tale ending and a whopping 72 per cent said they had considered leaving their husbands at some point. Yeouch.

Which got me deep thinking: Whist many of us hope that true love is “just around the corner” and that we’ll all meet that amazing person when we “least expect it”, can we really live in such hope? Or are we being eternal believers? And … is there every chance that we’ll end up wanting to run a mile once we get him?

One divorced man told me that he met and married the love of his life, divorced her and is now going to be single forever more. “No one matches up,” he said with disappointment. “I’ve had my shot at true love. I married her. I messed it up. Now it’s never going to happen again.”

At 44, with two kids in tow, he might just have a point.

Another divorced man, who is approaching 50 and, after a bad marriage, is having the time of his life traveling the world, believes there is no way in hell he’s ever going to meet someone else.

“My time has passed,” he told me. “I’m not even bothering anymore.”

But then there’s me: At 29 I’ve met and dated the love of my life for longer than most people’s marriages. Which leads me to the question: can you meet “the one” twice in one lifetime? Or is it never going to happen again? Have I missed my opportunity at ever finding it a second time around? And why is it so important anyway?

For women, it’s biological. In fact, finding a mate is subconsciously of utmost importance because they’re supposed to be hard-wired to constantly be on the lookout for a man to invest in their offspring.

For men it’s a little different so the women like weather. Do they even care? Do they inform? Do they give you signals? Or are they content in knowing that with all the casual sex that’s available, they don’t actually need to bother with all the soul mate hoo-hah?

One eternal bachelor with the nom de plume “A Rebel” certainly concurs. He wrote in an article that there’s actually no need for him to marry or take the plunge into a relationship at all. I think he’s lying, why? We think the same so I know how he feels, really. In fact he’s happy being an eternal bachelor and wouldn’t want it any other way. I think his life is similar to Crazy Stupid Love of Ryan Gosling. Interesting.

He says his main reasons for wanting to stay single are: the sex gets boring after doing it with the same person for more than a year, people inevitably cheat or fall out of love, and they take half your things if you break up or divorce. These reasons are not quite enough, in every single person- there is always a dark secret, a reason why they get such a hard. Though women have their checklist and rules, so with men have made laws and own coping mechanism.

Scientifically and frankly speaking, maybe A Rebel is above average in the looks department.

At least one popular press book also offers the following with a theory of Peter K. Jonason, a “sexual expert” a Psychology professor at the University who says that the less attractive a person sees themselves, the keener they are to settle down and tie the knot.

As Jonason told Salon.com: “For men who settle down quickly [they think this]: If I’m really fugly, I don’t really have the value to go out and get lots of women to have sex with. I have to commit to the first woman who is willing. I have to settle sooner because I don’t have value in the negotiation process.”

But pondering, I just want to be with who I feel is my soul mate. A man on a mission once said, “There is a lid for every pot.” But, in reality, is there? Or are we just being naïve?

Helen Fisher the author of five books including Why Him? Why Her? It’s a nice finding because it show in a way our brain is still a simple thing. Also said that we are indeed “wired to find love” and that finding your soul mate is not only possible, it’s inevitable.

And millions of people obviously believe in it. Picture left of me and my bessie Marje Caine, had finally found true love with her British husband more than 10 years of marriage.
Still 75% out there scouring the internet for their soul mates night after night, day after day. But when they’re most expecting it, will it ever really happen? When will my fortune change? I take soul mate quiz to find out.

In my own views:
It doesn’t happen when you expect, it (in my experience) seems to only happen when I’m finally enjoying life by MYSELF. I’m not longing for an ex, or wanting somebody to have in my life. When I finally reach the point of being perfectly satisfied just being me, then I meet someone. But anyway, I’ve been reading bits of blog and books. I read in one and convinced some people are never meant to be happy with a soul mate, and then it occurred to me. It’s a choice, we choose to believe we must get a soul mate or choose to believe a soul mate is out there. It’s hard to verbalize perfectly, but we get so hard-assed about this soul mate idea that it really ruins us in a way.

Happy dating!