MIND YOUR MANNERS LADIES WHO LUNCH FOR 4 HOURS A DAY!
TEN RULES FOR THE LADY WHO LUNCHES
1. A LADY NEED NOT USE HER HANDKERCHIEF TO STIFLE A SLIGHT SNEEZE OR COUGH AT THE TABLE. INSTEAD, SHE USES HER NAPKIN.
2. A LADY SAYS PLEASE AND THANK YOU, ESPECIALLY TO SERVERS, IN A RESTAURANT OR IN A PRIVATE HOME.
3. A LADY NEVER WOLFS DOWN HER FOOD! 🙁
4. A LADY NEVER SLURPS HER SOUP! 🙁
5. A LADY NEVER EATS MORE THAN SHE CAN COMFORTABLY DIGEST! 🙁
6. A LADY DOES NOT ATTEMPT TO COOL HER FOOD BY BLOWING ON IT BUT RATHER SITS PATIENTLY AND ALLOWS THE FOOD TEMPERATURE TO COOL DOWN ON ITS OWN!! 🙂
7. WHETHER SHE IS AN INVITED GUEST OR “THE HOSTEST WITH THE MOSTEST” OF A RESTAURANT PARTY, A LADY ALWAYS SHOWS UP ON TIME! 🙂
8. A LADY NEVER APPLIES MAKEUP AT THE TABLE! 🙁
9. WHEN A LADY CHEWS, SHE CHEWS VERY QUIETLY, IF SHE MUST CHEW AT ALL!!! 🙂
10. A LADY NEVER ARGUES WITH A SERVER, WHETHER AT A RESTAURANT OR AT A PRIVATE PARTY!!! 🙂
LADIES WHO LUNCH HELPFUL HINTS:
1. AT MANY ELEGANT DINNER PARTIES, A SCOOP OF LIME OR LEMON FLAVORED SORBET WILL BE SERVED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE FIRST COURSE OR AFTER THE ENTREE. A LADY DOES NOT ASSUME THAT HER DESSERT HAS ALREADY ARRIVED!! 🙁 (I’M YOUR DESSERT HONEY=YOU ARE STARING RIGHT AT THEM ER HER!! :)) SHE RECOGNIZES THIS TOUCH OF COLD “ICE” TARTNESS AS A “PALATE CLEANSER,” INTENDED TO GIVE HER TASTE BUDS A REST EITHER BEFORE OR AFTER A HEAVY ENTREE.
2. UNLESS SHE IS CONFIDENT IN HER KNOWLEDGE OF CHINA, PORCELAIN, AND OTHER CERAMICS, A LADY REFERS TO THE PLATES SET IN FRONT OF HER AS “DISHES.” SHE KNOWS IT IS ALWAYS “WISER” TO ERR ON THE SIDE OF SIMPLICITY THAN ON PRETENTIOUSNESS!! 🙂
3. AFTER SHE HAS FINISHED HER ENTREE, A CLEAR GLASS BOWL OF WARM WATER MAY BE SET DIRECTLY BEFORE HER, ON A SAUCER. ALTERNATIVELY THE BOWL MAY BE SET AT THE LEFT SIDE OF HER SERVICE PLATE. SHE WILL PROBABLY DISCOVER A SLIVER OF LEMON OR A FEW ROSE PETALS FLOATING IN THE WATER. THE LADY RECOGNIZES THIS BOWL AS HER FINGER BOWL, AND SHE DIPS HER WELL-MANICURED FINGERS QUICKLY INTO THE WATER, BRUSHING THEM WITH THE LEMON SLICE OR THE ROSE PETALS IF SHE CHOOSES, THEN QUICKLY DRIES HER FINGERS WITH HER TABLE NAPKIN.
4. IF A LADY FEELS THAT SHE ABSOLUTELY MUST “LIGHT UP” A CIGARETTE IN A RESTAURANT AND HER TABLE IS IN THE NO-SMOKING SECTION, SHE HEADS TO THE BAR AREA STRAIGHT AWAY AND FASTER THAN I CAN SAY “KINDLY SAVE BOTH YOUR LIFE AND MINE AND DON’T LIGHT UP!!” 🙂
5. WHEN SHE IS EXPECTED TO PAY FOR HER OWN MEAL IN A RESTAURANT, A LADY IS NOT ASHAMED TO ASK THE PRICE OF ANY PARTICULAR “SPECIAL” ITEM OFFERED BY THE SERVER.
THESE ARE JUST 5 RANDOM “TIPS OF THE ICEBERG LETTUCE” FROM MAI UPCOMING BOOK ON MARISA SUNG’S RULES OF ETIQUETTE FOR THE MODERN WORLD OF MANIACS AND ILLEGAL LUNATICS!! 🙁
Ice Ice Baby