Keep On Walking

Along with other many bitter things in life, moving on is something we constantly have to do no matter how painful. And unfortunately, it is also something that we have very little control over. We don't choose to move on. Rather, we are forced to move on given specific circumstances. Then again, isn't it the healthy thing to do? So they say, at least.

However, moving on is the easier part of the procedure. It's the getting-left-behind bit that's hard to receive.

When two people separate from each other, they both move on — but one always moves at a slower pace. One walks faster whilst the other tries to keep up only to look longingly at the other person in front as he/she disappearing into the horizon. Getting left behind is like getting pierced in the heart using a letter-opener — a rusty and dull letter-opener, at that. It is especially painful when we watch that person move on without turning back… not even once, not even a flinch. It's like you were left carrying the heavy baggages whilst he or she walks into the sunset as if the clouds were made out of cotton-candy.

Whenever faced get faced with this unfortunate situation, I always hide behind the relief of changing the scenery. It is an unfair advantage, I know, but it's the only way for me to get over the pain and frustrations. In a bid to win the race of moving onwards, I would force conscious change to take place — such as moving somewhere new, or distracting myself with something new such as a hobby or drowning myself with people who will let me know of newer and fresher things. I force change to happen as it has always moved too slow for me. It has always moved too slow to mask all the anger, bitterness and suffering.

There is no shame in running away provided that we know that one day we must face the ghost that we know will haunt us. When we decide to face that ghost is another thing, however. We can hide but we can't run. At least not forever. A new beginning is what we usually long for after weathering the wretchedness of our storms.

Moving on constitutes leaving behind a piece of ourselves. Sometimes, we lose that piece of ourselves even. It is sad knowing that we leave behind a purity and innocence of sorts only to know that it will be replaced by a guarded and jaded version of prudence and canniness. We learn to protect ourselves from the trauma and the hurt — sifting through experiences that will put us in the same position of agony.

Unfortunately, it seems precedented that time is the only entity on our prescriptions. In time, we get healed, we get liberated from our demons, and we learn to let go. It is just uncertain how much time we need — some more than others — and it is also uncertain how long the pain will be inhabiting within us.

We move on not because we want to — we move on because we need to. We cannot be sucked into the abyss of nothingness and watch our lives waste away. Easier said than done, yes, but it is something that we all have to go through.

It's funny how they say that life is short. During certain pockets of time, it just seems way too long.