Crawl-Out Clause

A friend attending law school once told me that because divorce is still considered illegal in the Philippines, sometimes lawyers would deliberately put certain weaknesses and kinks on marriage documents as a way to break out of it legally in the future. Hearing this disturbed me beyond belief. Sure, it's a practical oversight and can be considered smart in a twisted way, but it was like putting a hex on marriage and a couple's togetherness.

Don't get me wrong, I have long ago stowed away my rose-colored glasses behind my closet, almost reaching Narnia. It has paved the way for my cynical evolution. However, I still have great respect for the institution of marriage. I am aware of the fact that in this day and age, marriage has somehow been reduced down to a contract that society unconsciously demands from us — despite loud and rambunctious protests against it. We all don't have to think like that, do we?

I am aware of most compelling issues that often result to — no, must result to — divorce such as domestic violence, child molestation, criminal offenses and such. I absolutely approve of breaking down a family or a marriage if the above-mentioned are concerned as it is obviously for the best. It continuously amazes me how the world can house such sick sad bastards sometimes. However, I still frown upon the concept of divorce because it has evolved into something that people take for granted. Instead of using it as a last resort, it has become a clause that allows one to get out of a binding contract in the drop of a hat — albeit a very expensive loophole at times.

I shall not even touch on the ludicrous lifestyles of the rich and famous as surely, they have single-handedly created the multibillion dollar industry that divorce lawyers swim in. The phenomenon has trickled down to next-door families and couples who seemingly have the average-joe life that you and I live. I still remember back when I was growing up when kids come from “broken families” instead of the newly coined “single-parent families.” Getting a divorce was once the curse that casts you out of the loop straight into the arms of the untouchables. Now, it has become a habit, almost fashionable. It has become as common and expected as getting married.

From what I have learned, when one gets married, there is no turning back. After all, it is meant to be forever (resisting to say “no shit, sherlock” right now). There is no such thing as a trial marriage. Getting to know each other is usually part of the whole dating and relationship process — thus giving way to the idea of waiting a while before getting married until one is definitely sure. More often than not, divorce is waiting at the other end of the tunnel when one marries for the wrong reasons. Also, some people use divorce as leverage and event as a threat to the other person.

Coming from a society where divorce is still taboo, I do find that the people in it tend to work on their ailing marriages a little bit more. It probably also stems from a culture filled with close family ties, and the repeated reminder of the importance of face value. The problem no longer becomes exclusive to the husband and wife because of the rest of the (extended) family gets involved.

Walking over to the side of the fence, this can also be quite harmful. Not getting out of a marriage because “it's the right thing to do” despite the suffering and misery can take a toll on one's health and self-esteem. Sometimes, we need to know when to throw in the towel because it not only affects us, but also the people around us. This is where Oprah's right in saying that we must love ourselves first before we love other people. For instance, some marriages get through cheating spouses — but if it's chronically done and will obviously not end, what is the point of staying? Staying married but living different lives is as good as having no marriage anymore, methinks. There's a difference between working on the marriage and just letting it run.

I used to be 100% against divorce because of my ultimate respect for the institution of marriage. I've always thought that marriage was the end all and be all of things, and that no matter what, we're stuck with it that's why decisions have to be made wisely. It still is true to a certain extent, but there really is no way to know everything without running the course of life, is there? People and circumstances change — something beyond our control. However, with the help of experience and maturity, I have grown to accept divorce as part of the survival process. It is necessary in order to gain access to a second chance. I only disagree with using divorce as a means to repossess life a third, fourth, fifth or sixth (maybe more) time. Surely, everyone makes mistakes, but we need to learn at some point. Someone told me before that making the same mistake twice is stupidity. Touche!

I don't judge people who have resorted to divorce — no, not at all. If any, my respect and sympathy goes out to them because it must be one of the most difficult decisions they had to make. That's what it should be. It ought to remain being a tough decision to make. It should never be an option that is within arm's length. Otherwise, the world will be one big Melrose Place production where we just swap spouses and continue pouring money into divorce lawyers' banks. And marriage? It will just be another excuse to throw a party…