Unsportmanlike Conduct In the Bedroom

Does it seem like your boyfriend leads a double life? During the day, he romances you with flowers, chocolates and leaves notes in your bag. By night, he is a star quarterback who gets his kicks on the virtual field making tackles and scoring touchdowns. If this sounds all too familiar, then your man is addicted to Fantasy Football, and his obsession is here to stay. Start dusting off your vibrators and pocket rockets, ladies. Best to have them handy because it’s going to be a cold and lonely season this year.

Guys all across the nation have united to partake in this competitive, blood thirsty phenomenon. When it came down to drafting time, my co-workers, even my boss, dropped what they were doing and spent an hour and half in the conference room drafting their teams. All operations shut down because more than half of our team was participating in Fantasy Football. Apparently it’s pretty serious. The same day Tyghe went out immediately after work to a bar with his co-workers to do the same.

“So am I still seeing you after work?” I asked. No one was around to bug me at work since everyone was still in the conference room. So I figured I give Tyghe a call to confirm plans for tonight.

“Actually, the guys and I are going out to White Horse Tavern to draft our Fantasy Football teams. So I might have to cancel our plans for tonight but I will still be stopping by your place later tonight if that’s still okay” he responded.

The madness begins. Soon enough I will have to start reaching for my vibrator underneath my bed.

“Sure. I’ll see you tonight.” What can I say? I obviously cannot compete with Fantasy Football, so I let it slide.

Since the NFL season started, girlfriends may have found that they have taken second place to their boyfriend’s Fantasy Football League. All of a sudden it has become increasingly more difficult to get our man’s attention, especially with the new release of Madden 2007. It’s sad to say that the chances of spending any time with your boyfriend are looking pretty slim.

When Madden 2007 came out, Tyghe would spend an average of five hours a day playing it the first week. He spent more time logged onto his PS2 than he did with his own girlfriend. One night after sex, I woke up to an empty bed and bright fluorescents glowing at my face. Obscene comments were being thrown around but little did I realize that it was only him talking to himself…more like the screen. There he was on the couch, at 4 a.m., playing Madden. Four Coke cans were lying around the floor along with a crumpled, half bag of potato chips, crumbs all over the table. He had a blanket wrapped around him with a pillow shoved behind his head. His eyes were glued to the screen while his fingers were violently jamming on the control.

“What are you doing? It’s late,” I said.

No response.

“Will you come back to bed?” I said seductively as I patted the empty space next to me.

Still no response. I go back to bed feeling defeated. Was I just rejected for a video game? That morning I found him sleeping on the couch exactly where I saw him last time.

Fantasy Football and Madden are girlfriend replacements. When it comes to football their mind is a one-way street. Talking on the phone, let alone in person, is impossible. Having a real conversation without mentioning the latest update on Sunday night’s football game? Out of the question. Video games are more than a simple distraction for boyfriends out there. They can be a problem in any relationship. That’s only if you let it be. While it would be very easy to blame video games as doing nothing but tear formerly functional couples apart, sometimes it can have the opposite effect and bring people together.

Although it’s not my favorite pastime, I learned how to share my boyfriend’s passion for sports and video games. We watch the games together over wings and beer at the bar. While he passes on knowledge of plays to me, I get to chow down on spicy buffalo wings. It’s a fair trade since he doesn’t like wings and I don’t like watching the game. Sometimes my boyfriend and I have the greatest times together in front of the TV, each with a controller in hand. It isn’t even the games that I like so much, but the fact that we can play them together. It’s something that we can both share and enjoy. Well, more so him.

The way I look at it, don’t hate the game, play it. After all, you don’t want to demonstrate unsportsmanlike conduct. It’s true. Guys appreciate it when you take an interest in what they’re into. Even if you’re not a fan of football or video games, or both, there are other ways to grab his attention. Guys like it when you watch them play video games, so why not try being their cheerleader. It makes them feel good about themselves to show off their skills to an audience.

I’ve had countless encounters where I would watch him play for hours, but I know he enjoys it when I’m paying attention. It makes him happy and that should be the most important thing. A small gesture such as this, shows that you are trying to take an interest in what he likes. Plus, as an exchange for being such a good sport, maybe you can convince him to do some tackling in the bedroom of your own after the game is over.

Remember, your boyfriend may play a lot of video games and be obsessed with Fantasy Football, but at the end of the day, it’s only a hobby. Once you can work out the kinks, you can all live together as one happy couple, forever and ever-or at least until next season when Madden 2008 comes out.

For more information and to contact Elysia, check out her MyAsiance page my.asiancemagazine.com/elysia