Booty Talk

I’ve had my fair share of mildly kinky moments- dirty pictures, video cameras, vibrators, leather whips, dildos, role-playing, you name it. I’m always up for trying new things at least once just so I can experience it. You’ll never know if you like it if you don’t try it. And who knows? You might actually find a new fetish. But that wasn’t the case in my new experiment. When my boyfriend suggested that we try anal I knew there were no “butts” about it. I’ve had my fair share of mildly kinky moments- dirty pictures, video cameras, vibrators, leather whips, dildos, role-playing, you name it. I’m always up for trying new things at least once just so I can experience it. You’ll never know if you like it if you don’t try it. And who knows? You might actually find a new fetish. But that wasn’t the case in my new experiment. When my boyfriend suggested that we try anal, I knew there were no “butts” about it.

I vaguely remember my first experience. I was in Spain with my boyfriend Eric. It was our first trip traveling together. It was a new country, which meant new sexplorations. Sex in different countries always seems really erotic. It’s like you’re marking new territory. It was exciting and exhilarating! Although we did share a few scandalous episodes during our trip, this instance was neither exciting nor exhilarating. That night we OD’d at the bar with plenty of margaritas and tequila shots. By that time, we were both drunk and useless to each other, but somehow we were able to muster enough strength to have sex.

In the middle of our sex session he whispered to me, “Turn over. I want to try something.” I obediently turned over and awaited his next move not knowing what he was going to do next. All of a sudden I felt the tip of his head rearing my ass. I freaked! It was something I’ve never ventured before and, honestly, never wanted to. I never found it appealing or erotic, but I was horny and drunk. So I figured, why not give it a shot? Don’t knock it “til you try it. And I did. Overall, it wasn’t a very pleasant experience. Ah, yes, the anal-sex dilemma. If you think it’s going to hurt, it will. Relaxation isn’t the only requirement for a good experience: Too much aggression (and no lube) can put a woman off anal sex permanently, which I did after my second time. After that I learned my lesson.

There’s a saying that women should try anal sex twice: once to see how it is and twice to see if it was really that bad. I tried it the second time around only because I thought the first time didn’t count. Technically, I was slightly intoxicated so I couldn’t remember most of it, just how it felt. The second time around at least I was better prepared and knew what to expect. The first thing I learned was the importance of lube usage. Unless your penis is soaked with each other’s juices, use lube, a lot of it and don’t skimp on it. Otherwise, you’re in for a penis rug burn. No woman wants an insensitive man whose motives are selfishly induced.

I don’t do butt, at least not anymore. But from here on out, I don’t. I’ve always thought that anal sex was taboo and just downright dirty. As if we couldn’t find enough places for men to stick their dicks in our orifices. Plus, it hurts like hell. Guys may think, “So what? It hurts us too because it’s so tight (Personally, I believe that’s complete bullshit. Every guy prefers tighter spaces.)” Yeah, but while you’re squeezing your skin-covered member into what feels like a solid canoli, we’re letting you penetrate a portal that only disposes shit. We’re not excited about the idea of having something that feels like a frozen 8 X 13 kielbasa shoved into our assholes. Sometimes it could be a scary prospect. We’re not sure what you’re doing back there and although we want it (after all, we are sacrificing our second hole for you), our thoughts are filled with excruciating pain.

Sometimes I wonder why men feel like its necessary to poke their dicks around our anal region. Is there a reason why men enjoy anal sex so much? My friend Gina once told me that her boyfriend loves having anal sex but, like me, she doesn’t. Gina’s boyfriend told her that it felt like he was fucking a brand new pussy. I thought, “Was there something wrong with hers to begin with?” Gina’s boyfriend felt like he needed to be getting pleasure from some other fresh vagina. In this case, it was her butt. To men it’s like exploring new territory.

Anal sex talk still makes people blush. But it’s also increasingly popular. I guess taboo is sexy. But nowadays, everyone is doing it. It’s what most of my friends rave about, and not just guys, women are into it too. Women have yet to feel comfortable letting a man introduce the new and improved “doggy style” to them, but many have already begun to delve into the kinky world of anal sex. It’s the new sex trend. Every couple of years, another once-scandalous sex taboo starts making its way toward the commonplace. But in today’s society of group sex, threesomes, and one-night stands, it just goes to show that anything goes, even rear-ending in the bedroom. It started out when blow jobs were what people whispered about which eventually “exploded.” Then three-ways became the new blow job. Now, it’s anal sex.

For those who learned to love anal sex when it was still kinky and verboten, normalization is a different kind of a mixed blessing. Anal sex isn’t for everybody but it is for some. While most couples are up for some backside lovin’, others are just as happy with the ever so traditional missionary. In the end, I’m sure a growing army of sensuous assholes will save the day.