Q&A – Dating and Relationships

Jericah Valenica answers a common dating question many Asian men want to know.

Question: Why do Asian women date white men? I’m concerned about an article I read in your magazine. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. The general idea of the article is that ALL Asian men are alike. It seems that we all have some terrible traits that make us very unattractive as mates and lovers such as being easy, too considerate and too respectful. We’re just awful, aren’t we?

After all these years that Asian Americans have fought and struggled to shatter Asian stereotypes among non-Asians, this type of message cannot be tolerated. Not only does it stereotype and pigeon hole the image of Asian American men, but it also allows non-Asians to do the same since now, they can always say, “Even SHE thinks that way about Asian American men.” We cannot condone this and we definitely should not promote this.

As Asian Americans, we already have a difficult time as it is in trying to fight and struggle for equality and respect. It’s understandable that we have struggle for this among those outside the Asian American community, but we shouldn’t have to do it within our community as well.

Jericah: I couldn’t agree with you more. It does seem unfair that Asian men are constantly stereotyped with these characteristics. But to tell you the truth, I find it funny that Asian males seem to be offended by the stereotype of the geeky bookworm. The way I look at it, those “dweeby” guys are also the ones that are viewed as having the most potential and inevitably go on to greater and better things (usually in the finance or medicine world, albeit. Yes, I know. Again, with the stereotypes). They are usually thought of as the “nice guys” too.

Since we all know that women are generally looking for a man to take care of them, both financially and emotionally, wouldn’t that put the Asian males in a unique position to fulfill all their desires? The stereotype has already been established. All the hard work is already done. Asian males are hard working, will make a lot of money, and will be there for the family at the end of the day. How is it that Asian-American men do not make the most out of that? The way society views them, you should be taking advantage of that and be slayin’ the ladies with your wit and your charm. Yet, Asian-American men still find themselves fighting against this stereotype. In spite of these labels, it doesn’t justify why women date white men and not Asian men. Women have different preferences. They could have an interest for only blondes, brunettes, skinny guys or buff guys. Some women may be attracted more to the dark haired and dark skinned type while others may be only interested in the blonde hair blue, blue eyes type. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s cowardly for men to use these negative stereotypes as an excuse as to why women don’t date them. Instead of changing the way Asian men are perceived or the way they think they’re treated, they make excuses for their lack of confidence and their inability to make positive changes.

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