Ode to the Men in NYC – ho Ho HO!!

Ah Christmas, the time of year where we reflect on all the blessings we have, what we want to accomplish in the coming year, the birth of Jesus… … and of course party it up!! Despite it being a down year, there are plenty of Christmas parties to attend. Why is it that the fattest, sloppiest, drunkest men think it’s ok to approach you and think they have a shot? Each year it never ceases to amaze me that roly poly santa clausy men think they can put their hands on me and it will be reciprocated.

So this is to all the men that I’ve met at the various Christmas parties around Manhattan over the last few weeks and my REAL answers to them.

December 4th – Christmas Party, FAT Tim Russert type

I hate to break it to you, but I do not want you. Just because you are a single man does not make you desirable..Have you looked in the mirror? You are average looking and fat. In my opinion, you look like a 10 year younger version of Tim Russert… yeah um sorry..Not that hot..actually um NOT HOT!
Also, don’t talk to me like you’re LARGE and IN CHARGE when after our introduction, I try to make conversation with you, make you feel important and ask you for financial advice. Someone needs to have conversational skills. It’s not like we’re going to talk about your good looks or your clothing tastes. You did not impress me with your financial jargon. I have a higher level of education than you from a better school than you. I’m also making $3,000 a month in dividends while you stick your clients in 0% yielding Treasuries.

If you are lacking in looks and social graces, you a) Better be good in Bed b) Have a terrific personality and c) ..Actually scratch that.. Not interested in giving you the time of day.

December 6th – Average looking, receding haired, could stand to lose a few MARRIED guy

What is seriously going on? Do you really think that you are that desirable and I am that desperate that I would hook up with a married man who is clearly wearing his ring in plain sight.. What? You don’t even fake it anymore? What is this world coming to that men think they can still go out and find willing women WITH A RING ON THEIR FINGER? AND No ! I will not sneak into the stairwell so you can “just make out with me”. Ladies – “ Let the married men be. Men – If you’re not happy in your marriage, work on it or get a DIVORCE. Do they really deserve sexing more than one woman? I think not. Perhaps they will THINK before they take the plunge.

December 7th – Single, Financial Consultant, decent looking, has (had) potential

Do not tell me I’m too much work.. Why? Because you have to actually ask me out? And maybe just maybe I’m not running to call you after our first date. Why is this an outlandish concept? Maybe we want a man who takes charge and has gentlemen tendencies and goes for what he wants. Notice how I said tendencies. If you want a relationship, you are going to have to do work. If you want a bitch who’s going to suck and f*ck you at the drop of a dime, call a hooker. He can’t think a self respecting woman would actually give him the time of day with that MO?…Um actually based on his attempt, yeah he can. It’s getting more pathetic!

December 11th – Jackass Cheapass, best looking white guy out of the 3 Stooges, Christmas party at NYAC

Don’t look at me like I will automatically date you because you are white. I’m sorry but you (White man) are not that WELL endowed. And Asian guys do have big dicks. Some, not all. Same goes for White men.

Also, Do not be cheap. That is the most degrading , unattractive characteristic behind a hand with a wedding ring. At least some married guys will still buy you a drink in the hopes of getting laid. If we’re having a conversation for more than 10 minutes and you want it to continue, buy me a drink. If it’s open bar, ask me what drink I would like. What is this now? You don’t even buy a drink to get laid? Are you serious? I’d rather walk away with my dignity and vibrator than give you a notch. Take a hike.

December 13th – Guy I blew off to catch up with Norma, wore a yamaka

I’m sorry you think I am high on myself. It is called confidence and non-interest. I’m not asking for attention but just a level of common courtesy, sophistication and respect. Just because I am Asian does not mean I’m going to F*ck you either. If I blow you off, sorry I’m not interested. No game playing here.. Hate to burst that big bubble on top of your skinny, non-muscle body.

So that is my ODE to all the Ho Ho HO’s! Perhaps at least one of you ladies got a chuckle out of one of the little elves I met. What is most disturbing is this behavior is completely acceptable to some women. I’ve found that it is ok to be alone, until you find someone who treats you appropriately. I just can’t believe that these men offer so little right off the bat and they think we will be receptive. It’s as if they are telling us “this is all I’m giving. Take it or leave it”, as if they are some big prize. When has it been so customary to accept so little? Have women in NYC really come to expect the bare minimum just to have a man? Based on the above situations, I’m afraid so. Well I’m taking my dignity, self-respect and power back saying it’s ok to be single. Happy New Year!

Nancy Lee is a new dating and relationship, sex columnist. She will be writing on her experiences throughout her dating career. A recent graduate of Boston University, Nancy has seen it all. The purpose of her column is to educate and inform young women, through her own life experiences, on the trials and tribulations of being a young woman in today’s dating world. Nancy hopes to connect with the readers and hopes the women (and men) can identify with her experiences. Hey – “ It’s hard out there for a pimp! She looks forward to your feedback. Name changed for obvious identity purposes. Leave your own Christmas Men stories below. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to leave at the bottom or send her a private email at nancy@asiancemagazine.com