The Dating Experiments – Attempt #2

Attempt #2

If there is any take home lesson from my first self conscious attempt at sitting solo at a bar, it would have to be this: you can do everything the magazines say (put on your favorite pair of jeans and a killer new top, go to a familiar bar, order your favorite drink), but if you don’t prepare yourself inside as well as out, you’re going to feel as awkward and uncool as you did as a pubescent. With that in mind, in the days immediately after I slunk out of that first dive bar in shame, I concocted a new strategy.

My friends Thomas and Melissa are one of my favorite couples: hilarious, relaxed, and not too lovey-dovey around me. They also love telling me how fabulous they think I am, a habit I can’t deny makes me adore them even more. In summary, Tom and Mel are the perfect antidote when I’m feeling unsure of myself.

I choose a different bar for Attempt #2, thinking that a change of venue was needed to prevent any unpleasant flashbacks to the previous week. Once again, I threw on a fun outfit and attempted to do something with my hair. Then I drove to the bar where Tom and Mel were waiting.

We sat at a small table and ordered a round of drinks and a few appetizers. Mel told me I looked great, Tom told me I have an “insane” sense of humor (he meant it nicely), and pretty soon I was flying high on their compliments and my Irish whiskey. An hour quickly passed, and then, feeling a deliriously (and loopy) sense of happiness, I shooed them out. The happy couple left to go on a dinner date, and I trotted like a horse over to the bar. I know this because as soon as I sat down, the guy on my left told me so. He learned over and said, “Your walk is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like….watching a pony. Hold up, wait, no: a horse. Maybe a pony.”

Obviously, he had a few too many drinks in him, but that was okay, because my insane sense of humor caused me to think that his compliment was funny. I laughed and held out my hand. Horse Guy and I chatted for a few minutes before he announced he had “to pee like Niagara Falls,” and he rose and staggered away toward the bathroom.

I decided to cruise the room. Picking up my beer, I began to walk a slow circle around the bar. A few guys stared in my direction, but none smiled or stopped me to talk. I finished lap one and decided to stand against a wall before beginning lap two.

To my right, a small group of guys stood talking about the Laker game. I’m a bit of a basketball buff, and so I edged in. Pretty soon we were talking stats and naming players. Then, for no apparent reason, the mood suddenly changed and one guy announced uncomfortably, “Um, I have a girlfriend. We all do, actually.”

I was confused. I thought we were having a friendly conversation, and I said so, adding that I thought sports was a nice, neutral subject.

Another guy shook his head. “Not really. It’s kind of sexy when a girl talks sports like that. I mean, what are we supposed to make of this?”

We were all quiet for a few seconds.

With the friendly vibe gone and no comeback in sight, there was nothing to do but say goodbye and begin another slow circle around the bar. Horse Guy saw me and waved. I smiled back and continued walking.

Within minutes I was in a debate with another guy about (nerd alert!) video games. We were having a nice one on one argument about different gaming systems when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard a voice exclaim, “So here you are! I thought I lost you.”

It was Horse Guy. He pushed himself up close to me and leaned over suggestively. Video Game guy took the hint and excused himself. I watched him go, feeling a bit annoyed, before taking a small step back from Horse Guy and asking how his evening was going. Then I, too, walked away.

That was pretty much how the rest of my evening went. I moved, HG followed. I moved again, and there he was. I went to the bathroom, and he was waiting for me when I emerged. When it became clear that he had no desire to leave me alone, even after I asked, I waited until his back was turned and sneaked out of the bar.

Walking to my car, I considered stopping by another bar since the goal was to meet a guy, and I had only been asked for my number once. (You can guess who did the asking.) In the end, though, I decided to call it a night. It’s all about taking baby steps, I told myself. Besides, third time’s the charm, right?

Liz is a southern California-based writer of East Asian ancestry. She loves travel, politics, and incredibly unhealthy desserts. When not front of her computer, she can usually be found chatting someone’s ear off. Get ready for Liz to share her dating experiments. See attempt number 1 http://www.asiancemagazine.com/2009/02/28/the-dating-experiments–sitting-solo-at-a-bar