How to cope with being single during the holidays

Is this for real?? I can’t get rid of people and get enough time alone. Case in point, at this moment, I am hiding out in my relative’s room and using her computer to avoid the on-going inquisition.

I NEED TIME ALONE which is Why I choose to be SINGLE eventhough I am currently in a so-called “committed” relationship. We’ll see how long this one lasts. I suck at long-term relationships. As soon as I get what I want, I usually lose interest unless the guy is superman or something (hasn’t happened yet). It must be the thrill of the chase for the guy and “another one bites the dust” for me. I guess I prefer my own company to that of most others. I actually tell guys this and as a result they continue to annoy me. Try this –it should work for you too. Reverse psychology I suppose.

Anyway, this much does make sense:
“It’s not singlehood that’s a liability, it’s stagnation,” adds Rogers. “Get the juices flowing in your life, and then your relationship status becomes an attribute, not an identity.”

Think about it: the fun, interesting people you want to date want to date someone fun and interesting, too. “Get serious about being emotionally mature and interactionally interesting,” Rogers concludes. “Offer potential partners light-heartedness, passionate engagement with life, and a willingness to learn the dance steps of intimacy. That combination is practically irresistible.”

Use your network
“If you’re suddenly solo, you probably envision a holiday season spent sitting at home, watching It’s A Wonderful Life for the 45th time (this year),” laughs Jeanne Hurlbert, professor of Sociology at Louisiana State University. “But it doesn’t have to be that way. Focus on what you have — friends, family, colleagues — rather than what you lack. Enjoy those relationships fully. Choose to spend time with people who are fun and who will embrace your single status — not pity it — and will help you embrace it, too. Rekindle relationships with special people with whom you’ve lost touch. Renewing contact with old friends may provide a special holiday gift for both of you.”
With all due respect, the main problem I have with Facebook is LACK OF PRIVACY. If I was impressed enough with an individual in my lifetime and wanted to stay in touch with them, they would have heard from me a long time ago. There is a reason why I am MIA. I don’t need Facebook to get us in touch again. Or give them the “excuse” to find me. I am definitely not a proponent of “Living in the Past” which is what Facebook promotes. That is like signing up to stay in a dead marriage with an old comfortable shoe when you are single. There are too many interesting places to go and people to meet to waste time with those who you have already experienced and passed on.
Hurlbert also suggests hosting your own seasonal party to signal to yourself and your friends that you’re ready for a festive holiday. “Chances are, you’ll stimulate lots of invitations and activity,” she says. “And that will provide opportunities to expand your network.”

There are other ways to expand your social circle and fill that hole in your schedule. Join a new organization, or volunteer your time at a shelter or food bank. “Lots of organizations are looking for helping hands this time of year,” Hurlbert notes. “Providing that help will not only lift your mood, it will also introduce you to new people.”

Take care of yourself
While being a singleton can be a bummer, it does provide you with an opportunity to invest in your own well-being. “Taking time to unwind can decrease your stress levels and improve your health and relationships,” notes Mental Health America President and CEO David Shern. “Try meditating, exercising, engaging in a hobby or talking with a friend. It’s your time, so spend it doing something you enjoy.”

This is important because mental health is integral to our overall health and wellness. “Negative psychological factors, such as stress and depression, can have serious effects on physical health,” he explains. “Stress, for instance, is closely linked to high blood pressure, heart disease and obesity. Learning habits that promote mental health therefore helps us protect and strengthen our overall health and well-being.”

And if you feel good, you’ll look good. That will help your attitude stay positive — and make you more attractive to potential suitors.

No one’s saying it’s easy being suddenly single during the holidays. Nor are we saying it’s easy to change your attitudes and conditioning. But it is possible, with a little effort. And starting now, before the holiday crush is upon you, will make it easier. Who knows? If you develop a happy and healthy attitude about the holidays, you might just find love under the mistletoe!

You might find love under the mistletoe? I always find love under the mistletoe and everyplace else whether I am “committed” or not or rather it finds me–that is the problem!