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SEX & HEALTH: SEX IN THE CITY

DEC 2007 Sex & Health Sex in the City

-.-The Cheat Sheet

The Cheat Sheet

Who said dating would be easy? Living in this city, I’ve come to realize that there are a lot of duds. I’ve met many different men while out with my girlfriends during our usual happy hour setting. It would become very routine and almost predictable. I would meet a guy. He would buy me a drink. He would say something witty and I’d laugh. At the end of the night we’d exchange numbers. After date one, I would realize what a complete dick he was. I’d sit there listening to Guy X ramble about the most mundane things. Then it occurred to me, as I forced down my third glass of wine to take off the edge, wouldn’t it be great if men came with cheat sheets?
When I first met Tyghe I didn’t have a cheat sheet. I was naturally attracted to him and he made a lasting impression. Who would have known that was just the tip of his iceberg? If I knew what kind of guy I’d be getting myself involved with, I probably would’ve passed. By checking out his “cheat sheet” I knew we wouldn’t have gotten along and he would have just driven me nuts. I could live without that.

For one thing, you have to continuously remind him a million times to do something before he actually does it. He waits until the last minute to do anything you ask him to do. You can’t rely on him to do anything. So if you want anything done, you have to do it yourself. He’s reluctant to talk about his feelings. He’s not attentive. He believes romance is dead. To everyone else, he sounds like a typical guy. What can I say? Old habits die hard. But when I’m with him, it feels like everything is right where it should be. He’s incredibly funny. We make each other laugh all the time. He’s smart enough to be on Jeopardy. It still impresses me how he gets almost every question right each time. He’s affectionate. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that he has a great ass and the sex is amazing. Most importantly, he’s a good man and he treats me well. But I wouldn’t have realized all this after getting to know him. Upon reflecting, I went back to the drawing board.

Men should come with a pros and cons list. It would be like a cliff notes version of dating for women. Imagine walking into a bar, a friend’s house party, or even your local gym. You do a quick sweep of the room trying to single out the duds and studs, but you can’t figure out which one’s which. If only men had cheat sheets about themselves slapped on their foreheads. It would list all his best qualities- romantic, loves to laugh, graduated from Harvard, and enjoys traveling to Europe. Then it would list all his worst qualities- bites his nails, leaves a trail of Coke cans everywhere, doesn’t like to return phone calls, is a commitment phobe, and forgets special occasions like anniversaries. This list would help women determine if the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. That way, women would know what they would be getting themselves into. We wouldn’t have to deal with men’s fixed bad habits and pet peeves that they know they will never change. Women can save themselves the time they would spend in a relationship and wait till the next best match comes along. How simple would that be?

Every woman has an idea of what they are looking for in a man. There’s a list of prerequisites that we look for in a solid dude- comfort, stability, loyalty, something similar to a golden retriever. How hard is it to find someone who will call after we get into a fight; someone who we can depend on. If I can’t sleep at night, I want to know that he’ll be around to pick up my phone call at 3 o’clock in the morning. He won’t be mad for waking him up from his sleep. We want spontaneity and romance, someone who will surprise us with flowers one day just because. We want a guy who actually gives a shit and makes his relationship a priority.

Although these qualities in a man are important to me, is it fair to put what I want secondary so long as I’m satisfied in the relationship? So what if he’s not romantic? Sentiment is not his thing. He has a knack for forgetting to call back when he said he would. He may not always say the right thing, but we care for each other. We value each other’s companionship. There is love rooted in the relationship. That should be enough, right? It’s a known fact that men can’t change but when feelings are developed and invested it’s easy to look pass our man’s flaws. Does this mean we’re settling for less? Should we try to adjust our standards to make a relationship work? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do anyway? Otherwise, you’ll never be satisfied with any relationship you have if you’re constantly trying to alter it to your liking. As much as you want him to be the man you want him to be, you can’t change that. That’s why we’re with the one we’re with, because of who he is.

Relationships are not always that simple. Unfortunately for us, men don’t come with cheat sheets. We have to take that plunge and dive into that nasty dating pool with our hearts first. If I had a cheat sheet for every guy I met then I’d probably never would’ve gone to my prom, missed my first kiss, and cried after my first break up. I’d be at home with my golden retriever and I don’t need him to know where my g-spot is. That’s for Tyghe, and he found my g-spot after making it up for not taking my 3 AM call.

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