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SEX & HEALTH: DATING & RELATIONSHIPS

JUN 2008 Sex & Health Dating & Relationships

-.-Who is that Asian Man?

Who is that Asian Man?

“There’s the bumbling immigrant who speaks broken English. Then there’s the computer nerd that’s way too passive and let’s people run over him all the time. How about the violent gangster wanna-be who doesn’t practice martial arts out of defense but out of being a bad ass? Or what about the little brother that’s always, always super friendly but can never get a date?”

This is how society has depicted the Asian-American male through the overly embellished world of entertainment and media. The ironic thing about all of these stereotypical categories is that I’m none of these, and I’m an Asian-American man. Granted – I’m not somebody who generalizes nor can I speak for all 6 million Asian-American men in the United States, however, I am someone that has a strong voice, and this is what needs to be heard. Not only do these stereotypes of the Asian-American male need to be broken, but there needs to be a forefront of better qualities that distinguish this race of a man as the chivalrous romantic. Some women have somehow fallen into this understanding that the Asian-American man can only level off as a friend, but nothing more. It’s even become an ideal rigidly abided by some Asian-American women! When did the memo on how to perceive an Asian-American man get passed out? I’m positive I didn’t get one and I know about 6 million other men who missed it too.

My point of reference will be dated from a Generation X perspective, with a twist of Generation Y logic. From as far back as I can remember, besides any relation to martial arts, my only exposure to the Asian-American man in the media came through syndication television and the now iconic-80’s movies. I’m sure many of you are familiar with Arnold from Happy Days (Pat Morita), Long Duck Dong, and Tatoo from Fantasy Island (Herve Villechaize had shades of Filipino). How was I suppose to look up to these comedic, supporting roles that were no where close to playing into a strong, stand-up Asian-American male? Don’t get me wrong – Bruce Lee as the Green Hornet and Mr. Miyagi were great, but I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve gone to the cliché crane-kick or kung-fu stance to get a rise out of people. And then came the lovable Takashi from Revenge of the Nerds, which completely threw our whole persona to a laughable stature. Who would take us seriously after characters like these were consistently introduced as the Asian or Asian-American male in the United States?

Unfortunately this has somehow carried over into today’s society, but luckily talented, young Asian-American male actors and musicians have taken the measurements to not feed into these stereotypes. Applause to gentlemen like Roger Fan, Sung Kang, John Cho, Kal Penn and yes, even Jin – these men have addressed the issue and assist in not being pigeon-holed. Slowly the face of the true Asian-American man has chipped away the disgusting impersonation done by Mickey Rooney in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” but sadly it’s still not enough. When mom told us to not believe everything we see on TV – unsurprisingly, not everyone listened. Although it may be watered down in this era, these embellished characteristics are still affixed to the Asian-American male in the United States.

And on that sympathetic note, we have our “Dear Abbey” (or Dear Mari, for the Asiance Magazine) which writes – “I’m an Asian-American man living in a non-Asian-American world. Dating doesn’t seem to be my forte around this neck of the world. Should I just use my Americanized mojo to grab a wife-to-be back from the land of my parents? Or should I confine myself to my bedroom and wait for the next Miss Love-them-Asian-Guys to come around? Sincerely – Problematic Asian-American Man.”

First, let’s focus on the cry of this letter. If you’re an Asian-American male, or are friends with them, does this sound familiar to you? If so – the only advice I’d like to give is to “move forward.” There are so, SO MANY women out there that no matter what race they are, even if they’re within your own Asian ethnicity, just let it go. Although it may sting a bit to have an Asian-American women say to your face that she doesn’t date “Asian guys,” well the only thing you should think is – “your loss.” If anything, she’s the one that’s limiting herself from finding the “right guy.” As far as dating is concerned from an Asian-American male viewpoint, we need to carry ourselves with the uttermost confidence that makes us cooler than cool. If this is already exemplified, then it may be a matter of personality traits. Do you come off as a Casanova? Have you balanced the qualities of being a stand-up man while still conveying compassion to the lovely lady?

The one thing that I’m sure throws a woman off is how we travel in packs. I’m not saying you can’t have fun with your friends and they just happen to be all the same race – what I’m saying is separate yourself from the bunch. Make yourself stand out by approaching her alone because it’s gutsy, it’s cool, and it’s less intimidating. Asian-Americans have been stereotypically deemed as passive and push-overs. This is another assumption that must be broken and not only would you be defying society, but you’ll probably get a date out of it as well. One thing that should be true for Asian-Americans is that we’re trendsetters. Enough said.

Therefore, as an Asian-American male, we’ve been characterized in an incorrect sense for too long. A revolution is slowly evolving and if we can stand-up by not feeding into these stereotypes, then there will be a new face created for the Asian-American man. A surge of confidence, pride, and understanding can boost posture up a level to which not only women will pick-up, but society as a whole. As for the Asian-American woman looking at the Asian-American man, well we live in a world of opinions and preferences. This was mine – what’s yours?

Jonald Reyes is a writer & filmmaker located in Chicago, IL. He is currently promoting his documentary film, "That Asian Thing" - www.thatasianthing.com.