Commitment Hoes vs Commitment Phobes (Part 2)

There I was standing in line at my favorite coffee shop when all of a sudden the guy in front of me turned around and asked what I was going to order. I was shocked and partially annoyed at his forwardness, mostly because I’m about as chipper as Cruella De Vil at 7:30 on a Monday Morning without at least a small hit of my favorite drug-Caffeine.

“Why?” I asked, removing my headphones “Are you buying?” He chuckled and apologized for butting into my I-Pod session which he could see I was obviously enjoying, but as he proceeded to tell me, it was his first time at this establishment and was confused by all the choices.

At this, I had to laugh and let my guard down a little, after all, I’m no idiot, I can spot a cute available guy hitting on me when I see one.

And this one was cute, not my typical type, if I even have a type, but definitely dateable. He was dressed in a cute vintage sports jacket and seemed to have a quirky yet knowledgeable sense of style. Okay I told myself, if he asks you out, say yes. We exchanged some witty banter and I suggested 2 of my favorite drinks, and he decided on one and informed the girl behind the counter that he’d be paying for both our orders.

I was throwing in some extra sugar, when he grabbed my arm gently and said “Will you meet me here Saturday morning?” “Again with the strange requests” was all I could muster, obviously taken aback yet again by his question. But I told myself I would agree to a date if asked and there it was – a date, or something closely resembling one “Yes, I’ll meet you here, Saturday at 10?” I asked. “Perfect” he said, and with that he rattled off something about being late, but that it was a pleasure to meet me, yada yada yada and off he went.

It wasn’t until I got to work a few minutes later that I realized I never asked my mystery man’s name, let alone his number and he hadn’t offered the information either. Was this a date after all? In today’s day and age would it be crazy to show up to a faux-date without doing a thorough background check, no chance to google him?

As I sat trying to put together my presentation for later that day, I did a mental pro’s and con’s sheet. Pros: Great story, potential boyfriend, free coffee, having a reason to get up before noon on a Saturday. Cons: He doesn’t show up, he turns out to be ugly or not funny on the weekends, having to get up before noon on a Saturday. It was settled, I was going…for better or worse, I had a date with ____ .

I purposely arrived late, not wanting to appear too eager, although showing up to a date without a name or number in and of itself probably gives off a whiff of something resembling La Desperation. As I scanned the room, I saw him, just as I had remembered- tall, thin and just dorky enough to make him unbelievably attractive to me. He waved me over and pointed to a cup sitting in front of him. He remembered my order, very impressive, already I was glad I decided to come. He was charming and funny, and before we knew it, it was mid afternoon and we agreed it was time to get our day started, separately.

As we were about to leave, I wondered, would this be it? Would it just be one incredible first date that I would remember fondly, or would we keep going out until we’d had ample time to piss each other off enough to never speak again?

Mike, probably sensing my hesitation, jokingly asked if it was too soon to ask for my number. So there it was, he chose door number 2, a chance to screw up a perfect date, by going on another one. Hooray!

I was extremely excited at the prospect of this new suitor. He didn’t call all the time and when he did, it was fun and flirty and without even the slightest hint of cling. Nothing we talked about was of particular significance, but I enjoyed it so much that I neglected to see that there were no “we’s” or “in the future’s” in any of his dialogue. In the past that had been great, but what was different this time?

One night over drinks he accidentally slipped and called me his girlfriend, but quickly back peddled. I thought this was a good sign, his use of the word meant he had thought it, and perhaps the back-track had been to protect me from getting scared. The seed was planted and from there I decided I had to category_ide things in the direction I wanted.

I began asking questions about what he was looking for in a
relationship and what had gone wrong in the past. Everything he said he wanted sounded like me. I could be what he was looking for, I told myself. As for the past, he said he just hadn’t found anyone that fit right.

When I asked about his last relationship, he said he had spent 9 months with her and never said he loved her. This should have been a red flag to me, because after that amount of time, you should know one way or the other. When I asked what ended things, he said one day he just decided it wouldn’t work, and he ended things.

At least he’s straight to the point, I thought. Only in my mind, that wouldn’t be me, because what we had was different. I know, I know-that’s what all girls tell themselves when they want to believe their relationship will last, but I was sure it was true. I was wrong.

A few weeks went by when I realized we had gone from spending 3-4 nights together to 2 week stretches of not seeing each other. Suddenly his job became very demanding and he couldn’t tear himself away from projects to see me.

It was then that I realized, by going after the guy that wouldn’t chase me, I had become the chaser. This guy wasn’t a commitment junkie at all, in fact, commitment repelled him. He was perfectly content with our situation until I started looking for more. Shocker! I had met the antithesis of the commitment hoe-the commitment phobe. I had gotten exactly what I thought I wanted, only it wasn’t what I wanted at all, it was irony at it’s best.

I can’t help but remember my golden haired friend, Goldilocks. When I think back on my childhood, and the fairytale of the sweet little girl who taught us all about moderation (and not stealing from others), I realize now that she wasn’t a picky indecisive bitch as I had originally thought. She and I have something in common (besides a love for snooping) – we both want the perfect fit. Except in my fairytale, he’d never be too hot or too hard, but he’d know when to stay and when to back off!

To read part 1 visit Commitment Phobes vs Commitment Hoes