Bastille

I have never really been one to read and follow horoscopes faithfully. Once in a while I would glance at it to get myself a dollop of amusement — I can just imagine how many Scorpios there are in the world that's reading the same blurb and trying to fit their daily life into that mold. Don't get me wrong, I don't dispel astrology and psychic powers and such. I do believe that to a certain point, there is some truth and reality to it, and that God indeed has created such gifted people. My skepticism only stems from being realistic and the refusal to seem gullible enough to be taken for a ride. Throwing salt behind one's shoulders has never hurt anyone, yeah? In any case, my religious beliefs go against the concept of fortune-telling and the like — I love having that excuse whenever my opinion is sought out about it. It's like a quick ticket out of a sticky mess. I'm aware of the differing opinions that people hold about it. Let's just put it this way: I don't believe in it, but I won't get surprised if one day, I discern that it is all real. I like keeping an open mind.

Just the other day, I was reading the profile of a typical Scorpio. It wasn't the first time that I've seen one. I know the basics and yeah, agreeably, some of it are applicable to me but also some traits of Geminis, Leos, Cancers, blah blah blah, you get the point. I refuse to get boxed in a profile just because I was born on a certain date. However, there was one thing that caught my eye whilst reading it. Allegedly, I ultimately seek for independence and freedom in life. True — can't argue with that, but who doesn't? And then it said “she [a Scorpio woman] will constantly show you that she loves freedom. If she has freedom, she will not leave you, but will love you even more.”

I couldn't have said it any better.

I'm not an expert on relationships — far from it, as a matter of fact. However, I do know that in order for me to stay in one, I do need a fair amount of freedom. I don't ask to be completely independent because I believe in being somewhat attached to your partner as a result of special bonding. I want to feel the beauty of being needed and needing. Emotional dependence can be good as long as it's manageable.

It only dawned on me then that the only way to keep me nearby is to avoid putting a leash on me. I need trust, I need respect and I need freedom. Well, enough space and elbow room, at least. I hate being told what I can do and what I can't do. And I especially hate it when someone acts as if they own me.

I dislike being provoked. The best way to get me to do something is to tell me exactly the opposite. I am notorious for disobeying for the sole purpose of spite. I can be in total agreement with a particular task, but if the method of being asked rubbed me the wrong way, I will drop it like yesterday's lunch. For this reason, I know I will make a horrid secretary or assistant. I demand nothing less than proper respect and consideration. I believe that it is entirely possible for a superior to still command a sub with respect. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against authority and I do not seek for power. I am not the quintessential alpha female that needs to be in control all the time. I can be a fiercely loyal follower to the right master. And I can be a faithful partner to a deserving one.

It took me a while to learn this about myself. I found myself in a serious relationship at a young-ish age and I still had yet to know myself back then. I couldn't understand why I felt purposely deviant and vengeful towards my boyfriend until I realized that I was badly reacting to his attempt of controlling me. We had passionate arguments about how I allegedly never listen to him, and how bad I was at keeping a relationship. This affected me for a long time. I sincerely thought I wasn't ready for a commitment and I even blamed myself largely for the wrinkles in our relationship. And I began doubting myself.

Now that I've grown a tad wiser (or so I'd like to think), I discovered that putting a leash on someone can only drive them further away instead of keeping them closer. Though I may have the tendency to be territorial, selfish and possessive, I would always have to put myself in people's shoes and rethink. If I loathe the feeling of my leash getting shorter and shorter — or even having a leash in the first place — what right have I got to do that to others?

I believe that it takes a pretty big person to not need a leash. However, it takes an even bigger person to let go of the leash. The magic will work on itself. The moment we let go, it's pretty surprising how we can gain so much more — instead of losing something. A little bit of faith is all that is needed.

I'd like to think that this is a universal thing and that it is not something only exclusive to Scorpios. If it is, then by golly, more people would have to mate in February.